argument25 【kito作业】

kito9695UID：209685

第二十三次作业
＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝Argument＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝
【题目】
Argument25 The following appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell.

"Two years ago, the town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. The best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View."

【翻译】
两年前Ocean View建造了一个新的市立高尔夫球场和度假旅馆。过去两年中，Ocean View的旅客增加了，开设了很多新的商业，而且税收增加了30％。改善Hopewell的经济，产生更多税收的最好途径就是建立一个和Ocean View类似的高尔夫球场和度假旅馆。
1、OV旅客、商业和税收的增加一定是因为高尔夫球场和度假馆么？可能这几年人们收入水平上升，旅游本身就热了起来；可能由于新增利旅游景点儿；可能是宣传的作用
2、即便高尔夫球场和度假旅馆对OV的经济和税收做出了贡献，但是OV和H两个城市是不一样的，不能草率推广；H城市可能已经有很多的高尔夫球馆和度假村了，不需要再建了
3、忽略了其他刺激经济和税收的因素，比如推广新产品促进销售等等

【正文】（417words）
In the memo, the arguer unfairly believes that building a golf course and resort hotel is the best way to enhance Hopewell’s economy and tax revenues, by referring the same experience in Ocean View. However, as Hopewell are not the very same as Ocean View, a careful scrutiny would reveals its illogical points as follows.

To begin with, the fact that tourism, businesses and tax revenues has been increased in the past two years in Ocean View doesn’t necessarily follows the action that building a new municipal golf course and resort hotel in the town. It is possible that tourism itself is becoming more and more popular these two years as people’s revenues increased; or it is also possible that new beautiful scene has been exploited to attract tourists; besides, the increase of tax revenues is also likely to be caused by other factors such as real estate tax, but not for the increasing tourism. Unless ruling out these possibilities talked above, the arguer should not assert that it is building a new municipal golf course and resort hotel that benefit to the Ocean View town’s economy and tax revenues.

In addition, even if building a new municipal golf course and resort hotel is the main reason for tourism, businesses and tax revenues increasing, we could not hastily believe it will also effect in Hopewell, as the two towns may be different in many ways. For example, if Hopewell has already gotten enough golf courses and resort hotel, it would need no more such institutions to enhance their economy and tax revenues. Without more detailed information about the different situations between Hopewell and Ocean View, the arguer’s assertion does not seem rather warranted as it stands.

Finally, before I come to my conclusion, I would like to point out another flaw in the argument, that is, the arguer fails to consider other possible factors which may also benefit to economy and tax revenues. For example, devote more for researching new products for better selling may prove to be a better way for economy and tax revenues.

In sum, as various differences exist between Hopewell and Ocean View, the arguer could not hastily asserts that the best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View. In order to make the argument logically accept, the arguer should also take some other possible ways to improve Hopewell’s economy and tax revenues into account.

[ 本帖最后由 kito9695 于 2006-1-31 13:13 编辑 ]

lawrence1984UID：178326

占个座，一会发上来.

lawrence1984UID：178326

argument25 【kito作业】

第二十三次作业
＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝Argument＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝
【题目】
Argument25 The following appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell.

"Two years ago, the town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. The best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View."

【翻译】
两年前Ocean View建造了一个新的市立高尔夫球场和度假旅馆。过去两年中，Ocean View的旅客增加了，开设了很多新的商业，而且税收增加了30％。改善Hopewell的经济，产生更多税收的最好途径就是建立一个和Ocean View类似的高尔夫球场和度假旅馆。
1、OV旅客、商业和税收的增加一定是因为高尔夫球场和度假馆么？可能这几年人们收入水平上升，旅游本身就热了起来；可能由于新增利旅游景点儿；可能是宣传的作用
2、即便高尔夫球场和度假旅馆对OV的经济和税收做出了贡献，但是OV和H两个城市是不一样的，不能草率推广；H城市可能已经有很多的高尔夫球馆和度假村了，不需要再建了
3、忽略了其他刺激经济和税收的因素，比如推广新产品促进销售等等

【正文】（417words）
In the memo, the arguer unfairly believes that building a golf course and resort hotel is the best way to enhance Hopewell’s economy and tax revenues, by referring the same experience in Ocean View. However, as Hopewell are not the very same as Ocean View, a careful scrutiny would reveals its illogical points as follows. （这种开头方式第一次见，学习中……赞）

To begin with, the fact that tourism, businesses and tax revenues has been increased in the past two years in Ocean View doesn’t necessarily follows the action（很独特的说法，但是我觉得指明逻辑错误的语句用的太冗长！应该适当精简） that building a new municipal golf course and resort hotel in the town.（It is possible that tourism itself is becoming more and more popular these two years as people’s revenues increased（这句要说明的是建立高尔夫球场和度假旅馆与旅游业的发展没有必然联系，那么你可以说在没有建立这些之前，旅游业已经很发达，只不过没与现在这样发达，也可以向你说的那样，人们的收入增加了。个人意见，你批判吸收！）; or it is also possible that new beautiful scene has been exploited to attract tourists; besides, the increase of tax revenues is also likely to be caused by other factors such as real estate tax, but not for the increasing（ increase of 我觉得这样用比较地道）  tourism. Unless ruling out these possibilities talked above, the arguer should not assert that it is building a new municipal golf course and resort hotel that benefit （作者的意图仅仅是停留在benefit 的层面，我想这里的用词值得斟酌吧）！to the Ocean View town’s economy and tax revenues.（这段逻辑上基本清晰，但是个人认为句式和词汇方面还要多加提炼！）

In addition, even if building a new municipal golf course and resort hotel is the main reason for （tourism, businesses and tax revenues increasing）（请确认括号内的表达法，我觉得很生硬。）, we could not hastily believe it will also effect（生效可以就用这个词吗？望指教！！） in Hopewell, as the two towns may be different in many ways. For example, if Hopewell has already gotten enough golf courses and resort hotel（这里的名词用复数）, it would need no more such institutions to enhance their economy and tax revenues（还可以说，新建更多地这种设施还有可能导致收入的下降，因为经营这些设施需要很高的成本，要雇员工等等。）. Without more detailed information about the different situations between Hopewell and Ocean View, the arguer’s assertion does not seem rather warranted as it stands.（段落结构还好，但是你的驳斥不够细节和具体化，同时考虑也不是很深入。）

Finally, before I （去掉）come（coming） to my conclusion, I would like to point out another flaw in the argument, that is, the arguer fails to consider other possible factors which may also benefit to economy and tax revenues. For example, devote more for researching new products for better selling may prove to be a better way for economy and tax revenues.（这段也一般）

In sum, as various differences exist between Hopewell and Ocean View, the arguer could not hastily asserts that the best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View. In order to make the argument logically accept, the arguer should also take some other possible ways to improve Hopewell’s economy and tax revenues into account.
总体来说，你的文章写得还可以，但是很少见到专业性很强的驳斥语句和过度语句，在句式上还应该多提炼，驳斥的深度和细节化以及具体化方面不够，我第一次看你的文章，批得很猛，你别见外，希望看到你成功！good luck!

[ 本帖最后由 kito9695 于 2006-1-31 13:13 编辑 ]

lawrence1984UID：178326

因为没有修改软件的缘故，所以不方便看，抱歉！

pewcg8UID：2143213

原来小别以前的作文也是模板啊,呵呵.
被我揪住小辫子了.....
呵呵.