issue154 欢迎来拍，无敌拍场第二次作业

dzhb644UID: 2127664

Topic issue154
"Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
提纲：Approval
1.        学生在学校度过的时间只占总时间的不到1/3，所以仅仅靠professional educators的教育是不够的
2.        来自父母和家庭的教育是不可替代的，他们教会子女最基本的品质
3.        community提供了实践和应用知识的场所，同样不可或缺

Education, an integrative project for children's growing, does certainly demand of an all round instruction of the youngsters, which require both parents and communities, part of the significant in the development of children, to participate the education rather than leave education solely to a group of professional educators.

On average, vast majority students merely spend less than 8 hours a day in school, while the rest spend in community activities or at home. Therefore, from the time angle, the time in the school is far from enough for students to acknowledge the world and construct their mentality. If we just leave our children to the professional educators without any cultivation in family and communities, our expectation will possibly fail, just like Captain so-so who dreams to have an earth-circling navigation only spends one third of a day to sail and leaves two third suspended. Thus the family and communities education is indispensable for every child.

On the other hand, family can foster a child with some very essential but necessary characters which could hardly gain from school, like affectionateness, respect ion and good living habits. We could not only look forward our students to be an excellent figure in the society but also a complete individual of healthy sprit and physical fitness. When I failed in one experiment for many times and was quite depressed, my mom would tell me when you  fail you have a good teacher who cautions you could not do something and you will avoid to fall on a same stone later. Thanks to her, I can refresh from the negative motions. It is hardly to imagine that without my mom’s courage whether could I extricate from self-humiliation and continue the experiment, if not, I will lose the cherished opportunity to succeed.

Any theory can not be mastered without practicing and what a community provides to children is a realistic world for them to apply their fresh knowledge and theory. Educators may told their students one of the most essential personalities is honesty and without which one cannot be trusted by others and might be isolated by our society. However, when the word “honesty” emerges in a child's brain, it is possibly merely one word among others inculcated by the teachers. Only when he was once distrusted by the neighborhood for disavowing breaking neighborhood's window with a careless throwing ball and was not permitted play around later, he would definitely know what does "honesty" mean and why should people keep it for their lives. Therefore, if we expect children to be a truly social individual, we should provide them the chance to practice in the community.

Generally, education is not simplistic project which could be well accomplished by educators their own, but demand the contribution of parents and communities, which is instructive and indispensable.

[ 本帖最后由 dzhb644 于 2006-2-1 20:58 编辑 ]

renruisiUID: 208527

Topic issue154
"Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
提纲：Approval
1.        学生在学校度过的时间只占总时间的不到1/3，所以仅仅靠professional educators的教育是不够的
2.        来自父母和家庭的教育是不可替代的，他们教会子女最基本的品质
3.        community提供了实践和应用知识的场所，同样不可或缺

Education, an integrative project for children's growing, does certainly demand of(demands做动词就行了吧) an all round instruction of the youngsters, which require both parents and communities, part(parts) of the significant(形容词? significant parts) in the development of children, to participate the education(删去啊 education是主语吧 ) rather than leave education(left) solely to a group of professional educators.(感觉此段应该中间断句,刻意追求长难句反而容易自己陷进去)

On average, vast majority students merely spend less than 8 hours a day in school, while the rest (are)spend in community activities or at home. Therefore, from the time angle(删了吧 别扭), the time in the school is far from enough for students to acknowledge the world and construct their mentality. If we just leave our children to the professional educators without any cultivation in family and communities, our expectation will possibly fail, just like Captain so-so who dreams to have an earth-circling navigation only spends one third of a day to sail and leaves two third suspended.(要把例子说明白啊 他这样做的结果是什么啊 然后从结果推出你下面的结论) (中间还要加一句过渡一下)Thus the family and communities education is indispensable for every child.

On the other hand, family can foster a child with some very essential but necessary characters which could hardly gain from school, like affectionateness, respection and good living habits. We could not only look forward our students to(觉得别扭 可以这么用么 我不太清楚啊) be an excellent figure in the society but also a complete(不好) individual of healthy sprit and physical fitness. (加句话引出事例)When I failed in one experiment for many times and was quite depressed, my mom would tell(told 后面的时态也变一下,或者把妈妈的话引号括起来) me when you  fail you have a good teacher who cautions you could not do(not to do) something and you will avoid to fall(falling) on a(the) same stone later. Thanks to her, I can refresh from the negative motions. It is hardly to imagine that without my mom’s courage whether could I(这个倒装我也不知道可不可以 因为组长改我的作文时说从句都不能用倒装 你再问问别人查查资料然后告诉我哈) extricate from self-humiliation and continue the experiment, if not, I will(注意时态哈 应该用would吧) lose the cherished opportunity to succeed.

Any theory can not be mastered without practicing and what a community provides to children is a realistic world for them to apply their fresh knowledge and theory. Educators may told(may怎么加过去式了? tell) their students one of the most essential personalities is honesty and(删) without which one cannot be trusted by others and might be isolated by our society. However, when the word “honesty” emerges in a child's brain, it is possibly(觉得possibly这词不好用 may be就行了吧) merely one word among others inculcated by the teachers. Only when he was once distrusted by the neighborhood for disavowing breaking neighborhood's(重复) window with a careless throwing ball and was not permitted play around later, he would(这回应该用倒装怎么没用?) definitely know what does "honesty" mean and why should people keep it for their lives.(没明白他到底砸别人玻璃没有.如果砸了他就是说谎了.如果没砸,他就是个诚实的孩子,但是他还是被禁止在附近玩耍,那他从这件事学会什么了) Therefore, if we expect children to be a truly social individual, we should provide them (with) the chance to practice in the community.

Generally, education is not simplistic project which could be well accomplished (加个only之类的) by educators (觉得这应该有个介词) their own, but demand(demands) the contribution of both parents and communities, which is instructive and indispensable.

整体思路比较清楚,但是说理还不够深入
语法有些错误,个别词汇使用还不太恰当

改了好久啊..不过这次比上次改我们组jqhb的有经验了,也不那么累了,上回我改完睡了一天,哈哈哈.你们俩名字还有点像呢,呵呵.

加油啊 ,相信你可以写出更美丽的文章.

dzhb644UID: 2127664

Topic issue154
"Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
提纲：Approval
1.        学生在学校度过的时间只占总时间的不到1/3，所以仅仅靠professional educators的教育是不够的
2.        来自父母和家庭的教育是不可替代的，他们教会子女最基本的品质
3.        community提供了实践和应用知识的场所，同样不可或缺

Education, an integrative project for children's growing, certainly demands of an all round instruction of the youngsters, which requires both parents and communities, the significant parts in the development of children, to participate rather than leave education solely to a group of professional educators.

On average, to vast majority students, merely less than 8 hours a day are spent in school; while the rest are spent in community activities or at home. Therefore, the time in the school is far from enough for students to acknowledge the world and construct their mentality. If we just leave our children to the professional educators without any cultivation in family and communities, our expectation will possibly fail, just like Captain so-so who dreams to have an earth-circling navigation only spends one third of a day to sail and leaves two third suspended. Counting in the time parking in the harbor, only a little time are spent to sail, as a result, the earth-circling voyage will likely become an impossible mission. Same to the education, we could not waste so much time without learning anything, the family and community education is indispensable for every child.

On the other hand, family can foster a child with some very essential and necessary characters which could be hardly gained from school, such as affectionateness, respect ion and good living habits. We could not only expect our students to be excellent figures in the society but also an integrative individual of healthy spirit and physical fitness. When I failed in one experiment for many times and was quite depressed, my mom would tell me that when you failed you had a good teacher who cautioned you not to do something and you would avoid to fall on the same stone in the future. Thanks to her, I can refresh from the negative motions. It is hardly to imagine that without my mom’s courage whether I could extricate from self-humiliation and continue the experiment, if not, I would lose the cherished opportunity to succeed.

Any theory can not be mastered without practicing and what a community provides to children is a realistic world for them to apply their fresh knowledge and theory. One of the most essential personalities told by educators to their students is honesty without which one cannot be trusted by others and might be isolated by our society. However, when the word “honesty” emerges in a child's brain, it may be merely one word among others inculcated by the teachers. Only when he was once distrusted by the neighborhood for disavowing he had broken neighborhood's window with a careless throwing ball and was not permitted to play around later, would he definitely know what "honesty" means and why people should keep it for their lives. Therefore, if we expect children to be truly social individuals, we should provide them with the chance to practice in the community.

Generally, education is not a simplistic project which could be well accomplished by educators on their own, but demands the contribution of both parents and communities, which is instructive and indispensable.

adugduUID: 2177983

Topic issue154
"Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
提纲：Approval
1.        学生在学校度过的时间只占总时间的不到1/3，所以仅仅靠professional educators的教育是不够的
2.        来自父母和家庭的教育是不可替代的，他们教会子女最基本的品质
3.        community提供了实践和应用知识的场所，同样不可或缺

Education, an integrative project for children's growing, certainly demands of an all round instruction of the youngsters, which requires both parents and communities, the significant parts in the development of children, to participate rather than leave education solely to a group of professional educators.还是就一句话，可以考虑补个小短句么，个人意见

On average, to vast majority students, merely less than 8 hours a day are spent in school; while the rest are spent in community activities or at home. Therefore, the time in the school is far from enough for students to acknowledge the world and construct their mentality. If we just leave our children to the professional educators without any cultivation in family and communities, our expectation will possibly fail, just like Captain so-so who dreams to have an earth-circling navigation only spends one third of a day to sail and leaves two third suspended. Counting in the time parking in the harbor, only a little time are spent to sail, as a result, the earth-circling voyage will likely become an impossible mission. Same to the education, we could not waste so much time without learning anything, the family and community education is indispensable for every child.

On the other hand, family can foster a child with some very essential and necessary characters which could be hardly gained from school, such as affectionateness, respect ionrespection and good living habits. We could not only expect our students to be excellent figures in the society but also an integrative individual of healthy spirit and physical fitness. When I failed in one experiment for many times and was quite depressed, my mom would tell me that whenonce避免重复 you failed you hadwould have a good teacher who cautioned you not to do something and you would avoid to fall on the same stone in the future. Thanks to her, I cancould? always? refresh from the negative motionsemotion加不加s我不知道. It is hardly to imagine that without my mom’s courage whether I could extricate from self-humiliation and continue the experiment, if not, I would lose the cherished opportunity to succeed.如果没妈鼓励很难想象我能否从自卑中解脱出来，如果没有我要失去机会。前面很难想象后面马上提出想象，我总觉的逻辑上怪怪的。个人意见哈

Any theory can not be mastered without practicing and what a community provides to children is a realistic world for them to apply their fresh knowledge and theory. One of the most essential personalities told by educators to their students is honesty without which one cannot be trusted by others and might be isolated by our society. However, when the word “honesty” emerges in a child's brain, it may be merely one word among others inculcated by the teachers. Only when he/she?不要重男轻女 was once distrusted by the neighborhood for disavowing he had broken neighborhood's window with a careless throwing ball and was not permitted to play around later, would he definitely know what "honesty" means and why people should keep it for their lives.逻辑，只有他打了别人玻璃才知道诚实吗？多拿人六分钱不可以吗？加个something like that的片段如何 Therefore, if we expect children to be truly social individuals, we should provide them with the chance to practice in the community.

Generally, education is not a simplistic project which could be well accomplished by educators on their own, but demands the contribution of both parents and communities, which is instructive and indispensable.
个人以为如果在开始承认一下教育家的作业会更加在思想为完整。比较流畅文章，在一些地方我以为在逻辑上要更加严谨一些。由于直接改的是修改稿，所以挑错的机会就少了不少，哎，本来想狂批以报复一下的。呵呵，还是要谢谢替我做的修改。提个问题是：社区的作用我自然应该再补充丰满一下，但是不是可以稍微简单一些呢，文章不可能面面俱到。

dzhb644UID: 2127664

十分感谢两位的修改！