Issue154★无敌拍场★第一小分队第二篇，欢迎来拍

renruisiUID: 208527

Issue 154
"Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."

Words:537

提纲:
1.学校的教育很重要
2.家长在教育中同样重要:a.从小对性格的培养;b.对待一些特殊孩子的培养;c.不能把自己的事强加给孩子.
3.社区对孩子的教育也起到重要作用

The speaker asserts that education is too important to leave solely to professional educators so both parents and communities must participate in local education. As far as I am concerned, I basically concur with the speaker on the allegation for the reason that education is such a significant thing, the purpose of which is not only to impart knowledge but also to teach character, that it needs schools, parents and communities to work together.

First of all, the school with its academia is an ideal place for study. Professional educators, by virtue of their specialized knowledge and systematic teaching methods, can help students learn effectively. The library with large volumes of books, the computer center with network connections, also make great contribution to the advanced education the students receive. Moreover, since students spend a lot of time in the classroom, the student-student relationship plays an important part in education. On the one hand, students can share ideas with others and find better ways to solve the problems through discussion. On the other hand, they can compete with others to make great progress.

Although education in school plays an important part, we cannot ignore the role of the parents from whom students learn many things that are hard to acquire from the teachers especially when they are young. Children are always hoped to be healthy, happy and successful. But without careful attention and great efforts of their parents, none of these will happen automatically. Parents should teach their children how to tell truth and false, beauty and evil from an early time. And, as the old saying goes, example is better than precept. It is of great importance for the parents to be a good model for their children so that the children will take these things seriously. Additionally, except for the character teaching, there are some students who cannot study at school for some reasons and in this way, their parents play a significant role. Consider, for example, Edison, one of the famous inventors of the world, was taught by his mother at home. Moreover, when the children are grown up, the role of the parents should shift away from the authority toward the adviser. If parents still want to arrange all things but leave no freedom for their children, their involvement in education is unnecessary.

Besides, communities should be involved in the local schools because it is a good way for the students to prepare for their future in advance so that they can adapt to the society they will enter, which is different from the campus they are accustomed to. In the communities, students can take part in many kinds of activities which will improve their ability of communication and help them understand how the society works and what it needs. These valuable experiences will surely leave an impression in the students’ memory and infect their character deeply. So, with the communities' participation, students can acquire much experience and capability with which they will be more adaptable in the competitive society.

In conclusion, the school, the family and the community influence students all the time. They are all responsible for the education and they can ameliorate the education system with the help of each other.

[ 本帖最后由 renruisi 于 2006-2-2 01:27 编辑 ]

avexUID: 159089

占sf

ps:issue154后面要加个空格，要不会被斑斑骂的

[ 本帖最后由 avex 于 2006-2-1 22:38 编辑 ]

dzhb644UID: 2127664

Issue154 . Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.

Words:537

提纲:
1.学校的教育很重要
2.家长在教育中同样重要:a.从小对性格的培养;b.对待一些特殊孩子的培养;c.不能把自己的事强加给孩子.
3.社区对孩子的教育也起到重要作用

The speaker asserts that education is too important to leave solely to professional educators so both parents and communities must participate in local education. As far as I am concerned, I basically concur with the speaker on the allegation for the reason that education is such a significant thing, the purpose of which is not only to impart knowledge but also to teach character总觉得character好像被teach有点不对劲，shape什么的是不是好一点, that it 貌似应该删去it needs schools, parents and communities to work together.

First of all, the school with its academia is an ideal place for study. Professional educators, by virtue of their specialized knowledge and systematic teaching methods, can help students learn effectively. The library with large volumes of books, the computer center with network connections, （both） also make great contribution to the advanced education the students receive.  Moreover, since students spend a lot of time in the classroom, the student-student relationship plays an important part in education. On the one hand, students can share ideas with others and find better ways to solve the problems through discussion. On the other hand, they can compete with others to make great progress.

Although education in school plays an important part, we cannot ignore the role of the parents from whom students learn many things that are hard to acquire from the teachers especially when they are young. Children are always hoped to be healthy, happy and successful. But without careful attention and great efforts of their parents, none of these will happen automatically. Parents should teach their children how to tell truth and false如果表示分辨的话，我想应该用tell truth from false, beauty and evil from an early time. And, as the old saying goes, example is better than precept. It is of great importance for the parents to be a good model for their children so that the children will take these things seriously. 我觉得在这里举一个具体的例子支持这句话比较好，说明家长是如何做到示范作用的，同时也可以有力的支持家庭教育不可或缺的论点。Additionally, except for the character teaching, there are some students who cannot study at school for some reasons and in this way, their parents play a significant role. Consider, for example, Edison, one of the famous inventors of the world, was taught by his mother at home. Moreover, when the children are grown up, the role of the parents should shift away from the authority toward the adviser. If parents still want to arrange all things but leave no freedom for their children, their involvement in education is unnecessary.最后这一句的目的是什么，为什么引入一个负方向的观点，我觉得这样虽然显得考虑全面一些，但并不有利于支持这段的论点。我个人觉得说“无论authority还是adviser都是必要的”比较有利。

Besides, communities should be involved in the local schools because it is a good way for the students to prepare for their future in advance so that they can adapt to the society they will enter, which is different from the campus they are accustomed to.改为主动态，即they accustom to 或者 they once accustomed to In the communities, students can take part in many kinds of activities which will improve their ability of communication and help them understand how the society works and what it needs. These valuable experiences will surely leave an impression in the students’ memory and infect their character deeply. So, with the communities' participation, students can acquire much experience and capability with which they will be more adaptable in the competitive society.

In conclusion, the school, the family and the community influence students all the time. They are all responsible for the education and they can ameliorate the education system with the help of each other.

我觉得你的文章很连贯，每一点都说得比较充实，
但不足之处是缺少例证支持，很多是由自己的推理得出。
改的不对的请指正，为了共同进步。
dzhb644(第四组的，看你们这里很热烈，我就跑来了)

renruisiUID: 208527

谢谢你哈
把你的认真的改了一下...
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1
下次再改给我留个链接啊

dzhb644UID: 2127664

好的，
谢谢renruisi (rr) ，真是不好意思，犯了好多语法错误，让你费心了,呵呵
修改后:https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

[ 本帖最后由 dzhb644 于 2006-2-2 10:20 编辑 ]

avexUID: 159089

The speaker asserts that education is too important to leave solely to professional educators so both parents and communities must participate in local education. As far as I am concerned, I basically concur with the speaker on the allegation for the reason that education is such a significant thing, the purpose of which is not only to impart knowledge but also to teach character, that it needs schools, parents and communities to work together. [很清楚的开头]

First of all, the school with its academia is an ideal place for study. Professional educators, by virtue of their specialized knowledge and systematic teaching methods, can help students learn effectively. The library with large volumes of books, [and] the computer center with network connections, also make great contribution to the advanced education the students receive. Moreover, since students spend a lot of time in the classroom, the student-student relationship plays an important part in education. On the [the 去掉]one hand, students can share ideas with others and find better ways to solve the problems through discussion. On the other hand, they can compete with others to make great progress. [论证比较充分]

Although education in school plays an important part, we cannot ignore the role of the parents from whom students learn many things that are hard to acquire from the teachers especially when they are young.[论证第二句] Children are always hoped to be healthy, happy and successful. But without careful attention and great efforts of their parents, none of these will happen automatically. Parents should teach their children how to tell truth and false, beauty and evil from an early time. And, as the old saying goes, example[语法错误，加冠词或变复数] is better than precept[同前]. It is of great importance for the parents to be a good model for their children so that the children will take these things seriously. Additionally, except for the character teaching, there are some students who cannot study at school for some reasons and in this way, their parents play a significant role. Consider, for example, Edison [这本来也先用的，不过放弃了。不想说第一句了], one of the famous inventors of the world, was taught by his mother at home. Moreover, when the children are grown up, the role of the parents should shift away from the authority toward the adviser. If parents still want to arrange all things but leave no freedom for their children, their involvement in education is unnecessary. [对于第二句的论证这段比较充分]

Besides, communities should be involved in the local schools because it is a good way for the students to prepare for their future in advance so that they can adapt to the society they will enter, which is different from the campus they are accustomed to. In the communities, students can take part in many kinds of activities which will improve their ability of communication and help them understand how the society works and what it needs. These valuable experiences will surely leave an impression in the [去掉the] students’ memory and infect their character deeply. So [so 至于主句句首不好，换hence, therefore之类] , with the communities' participation, students can acquire much experience and capability with which they will be more adaptable in the competitive society. [这段论证的不充分]

In conclusion, the school, the family and the community influence students all the time. They are all responsible for the education and they can ameliorate the education system with the help of each other.[结尾有点平淡和简单了]

[最后说一下整篇文章，文件在语言上处理比较好，较上次错误减少了很多。
但是在破题上出现了一下问题，导致论证上的不足，首先"Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."题目是两句对于后一句lz论证的比较完备。
但是对于第一句上出现了问题。其实这句话的重点是第一句并不是单纯的1+1的issue。
因为第二句是肯定的事实也就是three parts involve in education. 要论证的是p and c是不是应该involve in formal education 即 local schools他是education的一个子集，是说c & p是不是应该对它有所影响。由于must be 也就是这种影响是不是具备必要性。
但是lz在这个重点上的论证就不足了。]


ps:来拍拍我的吧
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2

ceanUID: 187533

Issue 154
"Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."

Words:537

提纲:
1.学校的教育很重要
2.家长在教育中同样重要:a.从小对性格的培养;b.对待一些特殊孩子的培养;c.不能把自己的事强加给孩子.
3.社区对孩子的教育也起到重要作用

The speaker asserts that education is too important to leave solely to professional educators so both parents and communities must participate in local education.复述.OK As far as I am concerned, I basically concur with the speaker on the allegation for the reason that education is such a significant thing, the purpose of which is not only to impart knowledge but also to teach character, that it needs schools, parents and communities to work together.很清楚,觉得很好

First of all, the school with its academia is an ideal place for study. Professional educators, by virtue of their specialized knowledge and systematic teaching methods, can help students learn effectively. The library with large volumes of books, the computer center with network connections, also make great contribution to the advanced education the students receive. Moreover, since students spend a lot of time in the classroom, the student-student relationship plays an important part in education. 具体说说?On the one hand, students can share ideas with others and find better ways to solve the problems through discussion. On the other hand, hand好多they can compete with others to make great progress.

Although education in school plays an important part, we cannot ignore the role of the parents from whom students learn many things that are hard to acquire from the teachers especially when they are young. Children are always hoped to be healthy, happy and successful. But without careful attention and great efforts of their parents, none of these will happen automatically. Parents should teach their children how to tell truth and false, beauty and evil 呵呵.真善美from an early time. And, as the old saying goes, example is better than precept. It is of great importance for the parents to be a good model for their children so that the children will take these things seriously. Additionally, except for the character teaching, there are some students who cannot study at school for some reasons and in this way, their parents play a significant role. Consider, for example, Edison, one of the famous inventors of the world, was taught by his mother at home. Moreover, when the children are grown up, the role of the parents should shift away from the authority toward the adviser. If parents still want to arrange all things but leave no freedom for their children, their involvement in education is unnecessary.觉得你的连词用的很好~

Besides, communities should be involved in the local schools because it is a good way for the students to prepare for their future in advance so that they can adapt to the society they will enter, which is different from the campus they are accustomed to. In the communities, students can take part in many kinds of activities which will improve their ability of communication and help them understand how the society works and what it needs. These valuable experiences will surely leave an impression in the students’ memory and infect their character deeply. So, with the communities' participation, students can acquire much experience and capability with which they will be more adaptable in the competitive society.

In conclusion, the school, the family and the community influence students all the time. They are all responsible for the education and they can ameliorate the education system with the help of each other.觉得行文真的很通顺~用词也不差 读起来很舒服,但是最后的LOCAL写的有点让人模糊,观点不够清晰~RR,其实你很厉害~一直谦虚..继续继续!!!