argument59 同主题写作 请多指教,互拍,留链接

lincoln_8513UID: 2132238

提纲：
1．        作者没有提到其他黑子活动剧烈的年份流感情况如何，也没有谈一般流感发生的时候黑子活动情况如何；
2．        可能是其他原因导致流感的发生；
3．        过去300年和6次记录都无法完全说明问题。


In this argument, the author concludes that people of particular risk for the flu should avoid prolonged exposure to the sun. To justify this conclusion, the author cites that the six worst worldwide flu epidemics happened in the years with heavy sunsport activity in the last 300 years. Close scrutiny of these facts, however, reveals that none of them lends credible support to the conclusion.

To begin with, the author fails to mention the situation of the flu epidemic in the other years with heavy sunspot activity. It is entirely possible no flu epidemic occured when there existed a heavy sunspot activity. Then the cause and effect relation between the heavy sunspot activity and the big flu epidemic is invalid. Besides, the author fails to account for the sunspot activity when there was a flu epidemic, even not the worst, but severe enough to be taken into account. Perhaps in the year when the sunsport activity was inactive, still, the flu epidemic ocurred. Thus, it can not be proved that flu epidemic will occur only in the years with heavy sunspot activity.

Furthermore, the author fails to give any information for the other possibilities for the flu epidemic. Perhaps in those six years with the worst worldwide flu epidemic, there was a worldwide war or people were frequently emigrated and immigrated. Therefore, the flu would be easily carried from one part of the world to another, finally bringing a disaster. Without ruling out these possible causes, I am not convinced that the heavy activity of the sunspot was the main factor of the worldwide flu epidemic.                                                                                                                                                                    

Even assuming the heavay activity of the sunspot has a profound impact on the flu epidemic, the available medical records are still inadequate to me. The records only cover a time in the past 300 years, while 300-year time can almost be negelected compared with the human medical history. Even if the older records were inavailable, the six worst worldwide flu epidemic is too little as a sample to be valid. The smaller is the sample, the less reliable is the conclusion.

To sum up, the argument is logically flawed and therefore unpersuasive as it stands. To make the argument more convincing, the author should provide more specific evidence to prove that it is the heavy sunspot activity, making the earth receive remarkably more solar energy, that leads to the worldwide flu epidemic. To better assess the argument, I would need to know more broad and detailed medic history records about the flu epidemic.


由于时间不够，结论中的一些小问题没有批驳:(
请多多指教~

ibflyUID: 2137229

In this argument, the author concludes that people of particular risk for the flu should avoid prolonged exposure to the sun. To justify this conclusion, the author cites that the six worst worldwide flu epidemics happened in the years with heavy sunsport activity in the last 300 years. Close scrutiny of these facts, however, reveals that none of them lends credible support to the conclusion.

To begin with, the author fails to mention the situation of the flu epidemic in the other years with heavy sunspot activity. It is entirely possible no flu epidemic occured when there existed a heavy sunspot activity. Then the cause and effect relation between the heavy sunspot activity and the big flu epidemic is invalid. Besides, the author fails to account for the sunspot activity when there was a flu epidemic, even not the worst, but severe enough to be taken into account. Perhaps in the year when the sunsport activity was inactive, still, the flu epidemic ocurred. Thus, it can not be proved that flu epidemic will occur only in the years with heavy sunspot activity.
(感觉这段的逻辑有点模糊,在最后一句话上得到最大体现,论者并没有说flu epidemic will occur only in the years with heavy sunspot activity,这句作为全段的结尾,是一种小结,突出体现了攻击方向的错误.LZ的想法是很好的,去质疑other years with heavy sunspot activity是否同样有flu epidemic,我觉得可以用这点去攻击论者的cause and effect relation between the heavy sunspot activity and the big flu epidemic,论证他的这个 relation有严重的问题,导致最后的论点不convincing.)

Furthermore, the author fails to give any information for the other possibilities for the flu epidemic. Perhaps in those six years with the worst worldwide flu epidemic, there was a worldwide war or people were frequently emigrated and immigrated. Therefore, the flu would be easily carried from one part of the world to another, finally bringing a disaster. Without ruling out these possible causes, I am not convinced that the heavy activity of the sunspot was the main factor of the worldwide flu epidemic.                                                                                                                                                                    

Even assuming the heavay activity of the sunspot has a profound impact on the flu epidemic, the available medical records are still inadequate to me. The records only cover a time in the past 300 years, while 300-year time can almost be negelected compared with the human medical history. Even if the older records were inavailable, the six worst worldwide flu epidemic is too little as a sample to be valid. The smaller is the sample, the less reliable is the conclusion.

To sum up, the argument is logically flawed and therefore unpersuasive as it stands. To make the argument more convincing, the author should provide more specific evidence to prove that it is the heavy sunspot activity, making the earth receive remarkably more solar energy, that leads to the worldwide flu epidemic. To better assess the argument, I would need to know more broad and detailed medic history records about the flu epidemic.
另外,可以质疑论者提出的方法是否能够达到作者以为会有的effect.用让步的语气,even if 论者关于activity of the sunspot 和 flu epidemic的关心是正确的,采取作者提的方法avoid prolonged exposure to the Sun是否能够起到一定的防范flu的作用;方法是否可行?比如需要长期在阳光下进行户外工作的人.

[ 本帖最后由 ibfly 于 2006-2-3 21:42 编辑 ]

yogurt4UID: 198389

楼上的是??:confused:
改作文的看这里
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2

lincoln_8513UID: 2132238

谢谢 ibfly同学的指正,第一个论证确实比较混乱,应该把 false cause and effect relation 作为中心结束

偶这篇感觉自己语言也很简单,用词也比较单一.

exp03UID: 2158827

In this argument, the author concludes that people of particular risk for the flu should avoid prolonged exposure to the sun. To justify this conclusion, the author cites that the six worst worldwide flu epidemics happened in the years with heavy sunspot activity in the last 300 years. Close scrutiny of these facts, however, reveals that none of them lends credible support to the conclusion.

To begin with, the author fails to mention the situation of the flu epidemic in the other years with heavy sunspot activity. It is entirely possible no flu epidemic occurred occurring when there existed a heavy sunspot activity. Then the cause and effect relation between the heavy sunspot activity and between…with… the big flu epidemic is invalid. Besides, the author fails to account for the sunspot activity when there was a flu epidemic, even not the worst, but severe enough to be taken into account LZ这句语法有问题，好像分句缺谓语. Perhaps in the year when the sunspot activity was inactive这种说法不太好吧，太阳黑子每年都会活动只是有大小年之分, still, the flu epidemic ocurred这一句的结构似乎不太好，通常老外将状语前置是因为要强调一个事物的某一方面，但搂主想强调的似乎是感冒不流行这个事实. Thus, it can not be proved that flu epidemic will occur only in the years with heavy sunspot activity.

Furthermore, the author fails to give any information for the other possibilities for the flu epidemic. Perhaps in those six years with the worst worldwide flu epidemic, there was a worldwide war与前一句的数对应不一致 or用and来表承接关系才能与后面的therefore相呼应 people were frequently emigrated and immigrated觉得这两个词并列有点不必要，用一个就好. Therefore, the flu would be easily carried from one part of the world to another, finally bringing a disaster. Without ruling out these possible causes, I am not convinced不应该用被动语态 that the heavy activity of the sunspot was改为is比较好 the main factor of the worldwide flu epidemic.
前因后果的承接关系很不错
Even assuming the heavy activity of the sunspot has a profound impact on the flu epidemic, the available medical records are still inadequate to me. The records only cover a time in the past 300 years, while用while在这里作连词似乎不是很合适，转折关系还是用but比较好 300-year time can almost be neglected compared with the human medical history. Even if the older records were inavailable unavailable, the six worst worldwide flu epidemic is too little as a sample to be valid. The smaller is the sample, the less reliable is the conclusion.

To sum up, the argument is logically flawed and therefore unpersuasive as it stands. To make the argument more convincing, the author should provide more specific evidence to prove that it is the heavy sunspot activity, making the earth receive remarkably more solar energy, that leads to the worldwide flu epidemic形式主语it is在前面显得有点多余，有了插入语该局已经很不错了，主句可以直接为the heavy sunspot activity,…, leads to…. To better assess the argument, I would need to know more broad and detailed medic history records about the flu epidemic.

整篇文章句式多样性很不错，句子之间连接也很不错。问题在于第二段和第四段都是在论证六个例子太少的问题，似乎有点重复，而且感觉只是一直在说例子太少而给出的具体反驳只有第四段那一个；还有一点，楼主似乎忽略了题目中结论也是一个攻击点，完全没有提。另外谢谢楼主修改我的作文，希望今后互相帮助互相支持:p