ARGUMENT42 尝试篇，想请XDJMS给点意见。

yogurt4UID: 198389

帖子标题帮你改了
我现在主要看同主题,还有很多机会的说
你这样写标题,想帮你看作文的人都不敢进来了
和别人互改看看
表哭表哭 努力加油~!

Zoe_sunUID: 2136861

Before informing the director of Bellegea's (B) National Tourism Office an employment offer, we should consider the reasoning of the author in several aspects. The suggestion of promoting Paraterra's (P) ecotourism and hiring the director may come out from good wills, but the false and premature assumptions just render it unpersuasive.

First of all, the assumptions involving the B's success in ecotourism do not worth credit.这里可以加一句连接句（eg:It represents in aspects.） Firstly, is the doubling of foreign visitors arriving at B's airport enough to justify the success of ecotourism? Since chances are probably that B has become an air-line relay station, the foreigners have to come to B first and then change their plane to somewhere else. Then the increasing arrival may look pale in suggesting the success in attracting people to come. Secondly, even if the number of visitors to B has really mushroomed and should be credited for an increase of capita income, it is still possible that the ecotourism merely play a trivial function in it. Perhaps the visitors are all the businesspersons, who are encouraged by the national policy granted B and come for the commercial purpose, then contribute a lot to the economical. And the ecotourism may have nothing to do with this case. Additionally, such a success may just be an exceptional one only in this year. And the next year, when visitors are tired of it, or the national policy is withdrawn, B may have to endure a miserable depression. All these possibilities may disprove the function of this strategy towards the economic in a long term.

Moreover, it is the problematic controlling between P and B that leaves the argument groundless. Even though the ecotourism really play a key role in the development of B's economic, the assumption that P will follow the trend is unreasonable. It is entirely likely that P's natural environments are not fit to develop such an industry, lacking in nature hills, lakes and precious animals. Or maybe the transportation of P is too primitive to satisfy the will-be large amount of tourist. And it is almost certain that the success in B will draw so much of the mass attention that P's advertising may be unnoticed. Only when providing us the sufficient evidences that P bless the same or the more advantages in promoting ecotourism, can the author strengthen the proposal.

Finally, even if the proposal is promising, we cannot yet find any clues supporting that P should hire B's tourism director. Because there is not a necessary correlation between such a success and this person. Perhaps it is the wise and experience advertisement officers who lead a successful campaign that result the tourist increase. Or perhaps the current direct is totally not responsible for the whole arrangement of the ecotourism, but the former one who has gone to other cities to lead another ecotourism campaign. If any of these scenarios is the case, the employment may become worthless and ineffective.(可以说一下这个人对B了解但不一定了解P，所以请他是无意义的)

To sum up, the substantiated assumptions in this argument just serve it indefensible, but the author fails to bolster them.
感觉你的开头和结尾都很简单，但主体很充斥，比我写得好多了，有空请拍下我的：
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

Zoe_sunUID: 2136861

为什么字体颜色改好了,贴上来却又变成黑的了?

11yaoyaoUID: 177037

我的签名档里有变色工具

yogurt4UID: 198389

ARGUMENT 42 - The following appeared in a proposal from the economic minister of the country of Paraterra.

"In order to strengthen its lagging economy, last year the government of the nearby country of Bellegea began an advertising campaign to promote ecologically sound tourism (ecotourism). This year the number of foreign visitors arriving at Bellegea's main airport doubled, and per capita income in Bellegea increased by ten percent. To provide more income for the population of Paraterra and also preserve the natural environment of our tiny country, we too should begin to promote ecotourism. To ensure that our advertising campaign is successful, we should hire the current director of Bellegea's National Tourism Office as a consultant for the campaign."
WORDS：509          TIME：0:30:00          DATE：2006-2-4

Before informing the director of Bellegea's (B) National Tourism Office 两个以上的单词才可以缩写。BNTO还说的过去，不要单放一个字母。 an employment offer, we should consider the reasoning of the author in several aspects. The suggestion of promoting Paraterra's (P) ecotourism and hiring the director may come out from good wills, but the false and premature assumptions just render it unpersuasive.

First of all, the assumptions involving the B's success in ecotourism do not worth credit. Firstly, is the doubling of foreign visitors arriving at B's airport enough to justify the success of ecotourism.Since chances are probably that B has become a  an air-line relay station, the foreigners have to come to B first and then change their plane to somewhere else. Then the increasing arrival may look pale  good word! in suggesting the success in attracting people to come.补充，人数真的增加了么？只有main airport的数据，搞不好全国的VISTORS的数量下降了的说。 Secondly, even if the number of visitors to B has really mushroomed and should be credited for an increase of capita income capita income的增长甚至可能和visitors都没有关系得说, it is still possible that the ecotourism merely play a trivial function in it. Perhaps the visitors are all the businesspersons, who are encouraged by the national policy granted B and come for the commercial purpose, then contribute a lot to the economical. And the ecotourism may have nothing to do with this case. Additionally, such a success may just be an exceptional one only in this year. And the next year, when visitors are tired of it, or the national policy is withdrawn, B may have to endure a miserable depression. All these possibilities may disprove the function of this strategy towards the economic in a long term.

按照逻辑顺序攻击，不错~！
到additionally之前，提到economic success是他因就可以了，你谈到economic success持续时间的问题，到底落脚点是反驳Bellegea improve经济的做法，还是反驳ecotorism不成功。这里有一点偏离ts。应该是先反驳ecotourism,（ ecotoursim成功economy不一定好），economy好可能有别的原因。时间问题有点脱离中心。

Moreover, it is the problematic controlling 什么controlling？ between P and B that leaves the argument groundless. 直接拿第2句打头感觉更连贯。Even if the ecotourism.. Even though the ecotourism really play a key role in the development of B's economic 即使ecotourism和经济有因果关系，Bellegea的natural environment就做的好么？, the assumption that P will follow the trend is unreasonable. It is entirely likely that P's natural environments are not fit to develop such an industry, lacking in nature hills, lakes and precious animals. 换个表述，nature resources such as... Or maybe the transportation of P is too primitive to satisfy the will-be large amount of tourist. And it is almost certain that the success in B will draw so much of the mass attention that P's advertising may be unnoticed. Only when providing us the sufficient evidences that P bless the same or the more advantages in promoting ecotourism, can the author strengthen the proposal.

Finally, even if the proposal is promising, we cannot yet find any clues supporting that P should hire B's tourism director. Because there is not a necessary correlation between such a success and this person. Perhaps it is the wise and experience advertisement officers who lead a successful campaign that result the tourist increase. Or perhaps the current direct is totally not responsible for the whole arrangement of the ecotourism, but the former one who has gone to other cities to lead another ecotourism campaign. If any of these scenarios is the case, the employment may become worthless and ineffective.

有可能广告本身就是失败的，但是人们还是去旅游了。

To sum up, the substantiated assumptions in this argument just serve it indefensible, but the author fails to bolster them and the author need to bolster them更顺些 .


总的来看还不错,再练习个两天考试ARGUMENT是不会出问题的.加油~

yogurt4UID: 198389

粗粗的看了一下
B1可以多分两段
看得更清楚


提纲摆最前面

[ 本帖最后由 yogurt4 于 2006-2-5 03:40 编辑 ]

zephyr10UID: 2117533

谢谢斑竹！！！！！！！！！