argument 117 friends 小组 750words 40min

FLORASAHARAUID: 2147893

In this memo, the author recommends that company should increasing the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, fax machines, paper, pens, and staplers, at all Valu-Mart stores to make our(their) office-supply departments become the most profitable component of our stores. To support this suggestion, the author cites statistics of a resent survey that more and more people are required to take more work home than before. At the first glance, the author’s argument appears to be somewhat convincing, however, further reflections reveals that it is based on some dubious assumptions, which make it unreliable.

        To begin with, the credibility of the survey is opened to question, because the author does not inform us whether the workers engaged in the survey are of great representative ability(觉得挺别扭的 ，就用representation). The age, sex, and position proportion of the interviewees, and the number of the interviewees, which can greatly affect the credibility, are not provided to us. Unless the author could tell us all of these significant factors, it is very reasonable for us to suspect the accuracy of the survey. In addition, the result of the survey elicited by about 70 percent of the respondents is too vague to all for any meaningful conclusions; if the respondent amounts to an insignificant percentage of the workers, then the finding is of little use in supporting the author’s augment. Moreover, the author also needs to provide us something more detailed about the survey and its conductor. It is entirely possible that the survey is （contains）only too(only too 选一个词) few choices for the interviewee, which having great abductions can affect the survey’s accuracy. It is also possible that the survey is not conducted by the neutrally institutions, and the people, afraid of their boss, participated in the survey have to write down their names, making their choices unconvincing. Thus, the credibility of the survey may be highly suspected by us, unless the author ruins out all the possibilities mentioned above.（我觉得有点罗嗦，这段，老是在重复作者要。。。才能让我们信服 可以简略点 用序号一条条列出来）
        Furthermore, we could not reach the conclusion that we need more home office machines to gain more profits, even if the survey is accurate and convincing. It is entirely possible that some of the people who go home to work in resent months are not merely because of their work’s zest, yet also due to the fact that there are enough home family machines in their home. All of the possibilities as the one mentioned above will greatly weaken the argument. Moreover, it is too hasty for the author to draw the conclusion that we should purchase more home office machines for all the Valu-Mart stores due to the mere result from the survey. Perhaps, the machines required by the family-working people are not ones mentioned in the memo, yet some others, such as . Or perhaps, what we purchase are really the machines of great desire, however, they may get it in other stores, yet not ours. And it is also possible that people do prefer our stores to others, however, in different area, they need different machines. Thus, we will not gain more profit, even have some deficit, if we purchase the same machines for all the Valu-Mart stores in any area, without taking their special region’s differences（太中国话的表达了 换成一个词语 characteristic）into account. Therefore, it is too hard for us to agree with the author’s argument, unless he provides more detail information and more surveys to ruin out all the possibilities above.

        Finally, the argument’s conclusion that our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores, if we adopt the change（changed） plan, is unwarranted. Profit is a factor of not only revenue but also cost. It is entirely possible that the goods sold in the stores has little payoff, at least, may less than the other products. Besides, a myriad of other factors can also affect the profits. Therefore, the author has to do more surveys and provide more information about that to confirm that the possibility which can reduce our profit will not happen, if he wants to make his argument more cogent.

        To sum up, the author’s evidence lends little credible support to her claim. To persuade me that it is true, the author would have to provide clear information about the condition of the interviewees and the survey itself to make the result of the survey more reliable and accuracy. And he also need to do some more surveys and point out more evidence to make sure all the assumption mentioned above is true to strengthen the argument.


子数确实多 就是觉得罗嗦 表达比较中国话 条理还是比较清晰的
应该尽量用些短语 代替一些从句 整体还是不错的