argument145 打鼾的那篇文章，谢谢大家修改

骠麟校尉UID: 196103

TOPIC: ARGUMENT145 - A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed-and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.


In this argument, the author reaches the conclusion that the person who snores should try to eat less and to exercise more than the average person. To support his conclusion, the author cited a study collected data which shows that people who snore are more likely to get weight than are people who do not snore. In addition, the author points out that the interruption of breathing caused by sleep apnea can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. At first glance, the author's argument appears to be somewhat convincing, while a close examination reveals how groundless it is. This argument is questionable for the following reasons.

In the first places, the argument depends on a study collected data. Nevertheless, the study cited here is too vague to be informative. We are not informed that who conducted the study and how the study was conducted. If the  study is conducted by a person who was working in the sports club, the results would be greatly unconving.

Even though the study is convincing, no evidence has been offered to support the assumption that apnea is an important contributing factor to tiredness, it is not the only such factor. Many other reasons- drinking too much, sleeping too late- could just as likely account for leaving the person too tired during the day to exercise. Lacking a detailed analysis of the reasons, it would be foolish to conclude the sleep apnea should be responsible for the tireness during the day.

Even though, it is convincing that many people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore, the author can not arrive at the conclusion that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. If, for example, a person who snore frequently but has cancer in lung, should he try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more?

In sum, the author's conclusion reached in the  argument is invalid and misleading. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to provide that who and how conducted the study. Moreover, I would suspend my judgement about the credibility of the conclusion until the arguer can prove that sleep apnea is the only factor that cause people tired during the day.

[ 本帖最后由 骠麟校尉 于 2006-2-19 15:06 编辑 ]

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In this argument, the author reaches the conclusion that the person who snores should try to eat less and to exercise more than the average person. To support his conclusion, the author cited a study collected data which shows that people who snore are more likely to get [gain] weight than are people who do not snore. In addition, the author points out that the interruption of breathing caused by sleep apnea can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. At first glance, the author's argument appears to be somewhat convincing, while a close examination reveals how groundless it is. This argument is questionable for the following reasons.[还是那个问题 首段没必要写那么多 交代清楚作者的结论 然后说一句it is groundless due to the following flaws之类的话即可]

In the first places[place], the argument depends on a study collected data.[首句应作为topic sentence, 即给出你的看法，因此改成 …on a study which is too vague to be informative. 1句话就交代了你用2句才说明的意思] Nevertheless, the study cited here is too vague to be informative. We are not informed that who conducted the study and how the study was conducted. If the  study is conducted by a person who was working in the sports club, the results would be greatly unconving. [理由还不够充分]

Even though the study is convincing, no evidence has been offered to support the assumption that apnea is an important contributing factor to tiredness, it is not the only such factor[改成 or it is the only factor 与上句联系更紧密]. Many other reasons- drinking too much, sleeping too late- could just as likely account for leaving the person too tired during the day to exercise. Lacking a detailed analysis of the reasons, it would be foolish to conclude the sleep apnea should be responsible for the tireness [tiredness] during the day.

Even though[换个说法吧 Even if it is granted that people who snore…], it is convincing that many people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore, the author can not arrive at the conclusion that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. If, for example, a person who snore frequently but has cancer in lung, should he try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more?

In sum, the author's conclusion reached in the  argument is invalid and misleading. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to provide that who and how conducted the study. Moreover, I would suspend my judgement about the credibility of the conclusion until the arguer can prove that sleep apnea is the only factor that cause people tired during the day.

[这篇argument给我的印象就是 a skeleton without flesh, 模版已经相当成熟 但是却没有充实的内容来填补它 argument最重要的部分不是模版 而是具体的反驳和论述 而反驳主要依靠举反例 做假设 而作者仅仅一两句话带过这个过程 就有些舍本逐末啦
建议作者多看看其他的人的这篇文章 可以了解一下如何充实文章的内容 有兴趣的话也可看看我这篇 虽然写得不好 :P]