issue 36 写的不好 首篇

williomsUID: 2119321

Issue 36
The greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who live after them, not by their contemporaries.
15.00-15.50 06.02.19 210words
Disagree
position：个人的伟大是社会的决定，只要有或将会有贡献，就会得到评定。评定可以是后人，也可是同代人。
1、后人更易做出准确的评定。for instance, history books written by ...... tell us the greatness
2、但同代人也可，而且是不可忽略的。e.g.:我们当代的伟人，那么我们就作出了评价。如：现任的有贡献的总统、科学家等，他们的评定就是当代人做出的
3、反之忽略了同代人的评定，可能不能准确的评定个人，甚至影响后人的评定。e.g.:后人的评价，需要参考前人（包括同代人）留下的资料……

Individuals belong to societies; the greatness of individuals is decided by societies. Whether the individuals have contributed or will contribute to our society, they could be decided as possessed greatness. The decision can be made by both their contemporaries and those who live after them.

Those, who live after them, could decide the greatness more easily. For instance, many history books which tell us the greatness of the historical great individuals were written by those who live after them. Besides the books, there are other medias such the legends, the songs of heroes, the dances memorized for great individuals i.e. Many of the medias come out of people who live after the individual.

If we take an insight explore, we may get to see parts of the medias were created by the individuals' contemporaries. For example, the greatness of individuals in this time was decided by their contemporaries. You can find the great persons still alive in every area, etc. the great present Bush, the Nobel price achiever Zhenning Yang, the great former CEO of GE Jack.

The following people who make decision need materials of the individuals. Many comments of the individuals were made by the contemporaries.

In conclusion, the greatness of individuals can be decided by both those who live after them and their contemporaries.

lijian1985UID: 189477

Individuals belong to societies;(可以加上转折连接词 therefore 等) the greatness of individuals is decided by societies. Whether the individuals have contributed or will contribute to our society, they could be decided as possessed greatness(这个不太知道是什么意思).(可以加上From my point of view以加强流畅性)The decision can be made by both their contemporaries and those who live after them.

Those, who live after them, could decide the greatness more easily. For instance, many history books which tell us the greatness of the historical great individuals were written by those who live after them. Besides the books, there are other medias(media本身就是复数形式) such(as)the legends, the songs of heroes, the dances memorized for great individuals i.e[/color].(这里应该表达“等等”意思吧，可以用and so on, and so forth 或者and it likes, and the like, and otherwise, and what not) Many of the medias come out of people who live after the individual(建议改成The major part of judgments come from those people who live after the individuals).
If we take an insight(insightful) explore(exploration), we may get to (get to 显得口语化了)see parts of the medias were created by the individuals' contemporaries. For example, the greatness of individuals in this time was decided by their contemporaries(这个例证好像只是前一句的重复). You can find the great persons still alive in every area, etc. the great present Bush, the Nobel price achiever Zhenning Yang (Chenning Yang杨振宁), the great former CEO of GE Jack(Jack Welch). (布什作为伟人的例证我感觉不合适)

The following people (以下的人？)who make decision need materials of the individuals. Many comments of the individuals were made by the contemporaries.

In conclusion, the greatness of individuals can be decided by both those who live after them and their contemporaries.(结尾段最好能概括全文论点但不要只是第一段的重复)

总的来说，问题还是比较多的，我就不客气了，呵呵！
首先字数不能满足要求，不过作为第一篇，和打字速度也有关系，以后慢慢就越写越多了。
句子之间的连接很少，所以读起来不够流畅，前后逻辑关系也不能够很好地衔接，建议重视sentence connector 的运用，像therefore, on the on hand, on the other hand, meanwhile, likewise, in addition 等等
还有就是chinglish 化，呵呵！
还有二十几天，加油！

[ 本帖最后由 lijian1985 于 2006-2-19 19:25 编辑 ]