Issue11 Somethingtobe作文贴 欢迎互拍

辉记UID: 2118033

TOPIC: ISSUE11 - "All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."
WORDS: 583          TIME: 1:19:14          DATE: 2006-3-2

Should all nations advocate the establishment of a global university aiming at solving the persistent social problems in the world? The speaker claims so, however, I merely agree what the speaker believes by condition, for the reason that sometimes the practice has good effects on the problems which are common in most of the countries, and sometimes a specialized university may be better for solving the distinguished problems in a certain country.

Admittedly, through international cooperation, a global university can cultivate a sizable number of students who can find a solution to the common social problems, such as poverty, education and so on. Although many countries is well-developed, there are still a lot of countries facing the poverty problem, especially those in Africa where millions of people can not meet the basic living standard of one dollar per day. And many international institutions, such as World Food Organization, European Union, and International Bank for Reconstruction are highly concerned in this problem, and thus it makes good sense to develop a global university to help students to learn a great deal of useful knowledge, in order to fight with poverty. Besides, nowadays education is also a hot issue in the world: many international meetings take this for the primary topic in discussion. No matter a country is poor or rich, there is no doubt that it needs a younger generation with good qualities to develop it in the future. Therefore, the suggestion of setting up a global university is reasonable in solving the problems that all nations have to confront.

However, when it comes to some special problems that only exist in a small number of countries, students graduated from a global university may be not able to handle in these problems. For instance, Islam, which is widely believed in the area of Middle East, sometimes can not be understood by the western societies, since its customs and cultures are extremely special. Hence building a global university does no good to solving the matter about religion. For that matter, nations in this area are well-advised to develop a special college in which the students major in the research of Islam, making convenience in solving this kind of matter. Moreover, it is also well-grounded for Israel to set up a college focused on the ethnics, which may greatly help solve the conflicts with Palestine. Hence, special universities are more likely to train students who play an significant role in solving problems with regional features than the global ones.

Furthermore, while neither a global university nor a regional one can solve all the social problems, nations should support both of them. On one hand, students studied in a global university have a wider horizon to look at the international common problems, such as poverty, energy crisis, war and so on, and thus they have better capacities to deal with these problems. On the other hand, apparently it is the students graduated from the specialized college, who can find more suitable solutions to the special problems that only happen in some regions, since they can gain a great amount of special knowledge.

On balance, without a global university from international cooperation, there would be few youngsters proficient in international knowledge; without some specialized colleges, the world may lack some experts mastered in some regional problems. And all nations should in favor of the development of both kinds of universities, and therefore more and more student can make contributions to solving all kinds of world’s persistent social problems.

yuviUID: 2169411

Should all nations advocate the establishment of a global university aiming at solving the persistent social problems in the world? The speaker claims so, however, I merely agree what the speaker believes by condition, for the reason that sometimes the practice has good effects on the problems（注意单复数保持一致） which are common in most of the countries, and sometimes（这里可以用一个词whereas） a specialized university may be better for solving the distinguished problems in a certain country.

Admittedly, through international cooperation, a global university can cultivate a sizable number of students who can find a solution to the common social problems（注意单复数）, such as poverty, education and so on.（国际大学可以解决贫穷，教育？这个观点不具典型性） Although many countries is（单复数） well-developed, there are still a lot of countries facing the poverty problem, especially those in Africa where millions of people can not meet the basic living standard of one dollar per day（此资料的出处？仅此一句话不具说服力）. And（and不能用做单独句的开头） many international institutions, such as World Food Organization, European Union, and International Bank for Reconstruction are highly concerned in this problem, and thus it（it 指代什么？） makes good sense to develop a global university to help students to learn a great deal of useful knowledge, in order to fight with poverty.（国际贫穷问题≠大学生必要挑战的范围，用这个例子太牵强了） Besides, nowadays education is also a hot issue in the world: many international meetings take this for the primary topic in discussion. No matter a country is poor or rich, there is no doubt that it （写it的时候要注意context，看它是用来指代什么）needs a younger generation with good qualities to develop it in the future. （一所国际大学≠解决国际教育问题，例子不具典型性）Therefore, the suggestion of setting up a global university is reasonable in solving the problems that all nations have to confront.（第一段论点单薄，论据不足）

However, when it （it指代什么？）comes to some special problems that only exist in a small number of countries, students graduated from a global university may be not able to handle in these problems. （这句话作为分论点有些片面）For instance, Islam, which is widely believed in the area of Middle East（middle east本来就是area,如果一定要用这个词，前面加some）, sometimes can not be understood by the western societies, since its customs and cultures are extremely special（这句话过于主观）. Hence building a global university does no good to solving the matter about religion. （没有论据，只是LZ本人的臆断不够成此结论）For that matter, nations in this area are well-advised to develop a special college in which the students major in the research of Islam, making convenience in solving this kind of matter. Moreover, it is also well-grounded for Israel to set up a college focused on the ethnics, which may greatly help solve the conflicts with Palestine. Hence, special universities are more likely to train students who play an （单复数）significant role in solving problems with regional features than the global ones.

Furthermore, while neither a global university nor a regional one can solve all the social problems, nations should support both of them（能理解这句话的意思，但是作为英语的表达习惯，需重新改写）. On one hand, students studied in a global university have a wider horizon to look at the international common problems, such as poverty, energy crisis, war and so on, and thus they have better capacities to deal with these problems. On the other hand, apparently it is（it指代什么？） the students graduated from the specialized college, who can find more suitable solutions to the special problems that only happen in some regions, since they can gain a great amount of special knowledge. （我觉得这段话不能够成文章一个分支观点，毕竟题目要说的重点不是政府给不给资金的问题，所以在此花这么多笔墨有些得不偿失）

On balance, without a global university from international cooperation, there would be few youngsters proficient in international knowledge; without some specialized colleges, the world may lack some experts mastered（专家被掌握？正常语态应为problems mastered by experts） in some regional problems. And（and不用做句子开头） all nations should in favor of the development of both kinds of universities, and therefore more and more student can make contributions to solving all kinds of world’s persistent social problems.（总结过于绝对和乐观）

修改小结：
1、        文章结构清楚，谴词俳句比较流畅，看完全文基本无理解上的困难。
2、        LZ的观点不够鲜明，论点没有提到点子上，所以论据显得并不充分。
3、        文章里有不少句子是过于主观的陈述，而并非有根据的议论。
4、        注意单复数，名词指代及被动语态的运用。
建议：
1、        写文章之前先列完整提纲，充分想好论点。
2、        找合理论据而并非主观的个人评论。

暂时这么多，不要被我拍晕了哈~+U ：）

辉记UID: 2118033

Should all nations advocate the establishment of a global university aiming at solving the persistent social problems in the world? The speaker claims so, however, I merely agree what the speaker believes by condition, for the reason that sometimes the practice has good effects on the problems（注意单复数保持一致） which are common in most of the countries, and sometimes（这里可以用一个词whereas） a specialized university may be better for solving the distinguished problems in a certain country.

Admittedly, through international cooperation, a global university can cultivate a sizable number of students who can find a solution to the common social problems（注意单复数）, such as poverty, education and so on.（国际大学可以解决贫穷，教育？这个观点不具典型性） Although many countries is（单复数） well-developed, there are still a lot of countries facing the poverty problem, especially those in Africa where millions of people can not meet the basic living standard of one dollar per day（此资料的出处？仅此一句话不具说服力）. And（and不能用做单独句的开头） many international institutions, such as World Food Organization, European Union, and International Bank for Reconstruction are highly concerned in this problem, and thus it（it 指代什么？）(it是形式主语，表示后面的不定式) makes good sense to develop a global university to help students to learn a great deal of useful knowledge, in order to fight with poverty.（国际贫穷问题≠大学生必要挑战的范围，用这个例子太牵强了） Besides, nowadays education is also a hot issue in the world: many international meetings take this for the primary topic in discussion. No matter a country is poor or rich, there is no doubt that it （写it的时候要注意context，看它是用来指代什么）(这个it指a country，我觉得指代得蛮明显的吧)needs a younger generation with good qualities to develop it in the future. （一所国际大学≠解决国际教育问题，例子不具典型性）Therefore, the suggestion of setting up a global university is reasonable in solving the problems that all nations have to confront.（第一段论点单薄，论据不足）

However, when it （it指代什么？）(When it comes to 是一个习惯用法吧)comes to some special problems that only exist in a small number of countries, students graduated from a global university may be not able to handle in these problems. （这句话作为分论点有些片面）For instance, Islam, which is widely believed in the area of Middle East（middle east本来就是area,如果一定要用这个词，前面加some）, sometimes can not be understood by the western societies, since its customs and cultures are extremely special（这句话过于主观）. Hence building a global university does no good to solving the matter about religion. （没有论据，只是LZ本人的臆断不够成此结论）For that matter, nations in this area are well-advised to develop a special college in which the students major in the research of Islam, making convenience in solving this kind of matter. Moreover, it is also well-grounded for Israel to set up a college focused on the ethnics, which may greatly help solve the conflicts with Palestine. Hence, special universities are more likely to train students who play an （单复数）significant role in solving problems with regional features than the global ones.

Furthermore, while neither a global university nor a regional one can solve all the social problems, nations should support both of them（能理解这句话的意思，但是作为英语的表达习惯，需重新改写）. On one hand, students studied in a global university have a wider horizon to look at the international common problems, such as poverty, energy crisis, war and so on, and thus they have better capacities to deal with these problems. On the other hand, apparently it is（it指代什么？）(这是强调句) the students graduated from the specialized college, who can find more suitable solutions to the special problems that only happen in some regions, since they can gain a great amount of special knowledge. （我觉得这段话不能够成文章一个分支观点，毕竟题目要说的重点不是政府给不给资金的问题，所以在此花这么多笔墨有些得不偿失）

On balance, without a global university from international cooperation, there would be few youngsters proficient in international knowledge; without some specialized colleges, the world may lack some experts mastered（专家被掌握？正常语态应为problems mastered by experts） in some regional problems. And（and不用做句子开头） all nations should in favor of the development of both kinds of universities, and therefore more and more student can make contributions to solving all kinds of world’s persistent social problems.（总结过于绝对和乐观）

yuviUID: 2169411

:L汗一个~~
先道个歉! 我拍砖的时候的确有些一拍子打死的感觉:p
不好意思哦!:)

对于it指代词的误用，我本身是有切肤之痛,
被导师纠正过很多次并且将一篇A+的论文给我批成了B
(我学文科有很多抽象的东西,就不能随便用it 来指代)
所以我现在一看到it就条件反射的想到老师给我的批语!!:L
而且我的语法知识基本<=5,(上限为10) 所以改文章多是凭语感


这句话我承认是自己眼花了....不好意思~
:(
there is no doubt that it （写it的时候要注意context，看它是用来指代什么）(这个it指a country，我觉得指代得蛮明显的吧)needs a younger generation with good qualities to develop it in the future.

其他的形式主语,习惯用法,强调句,可能没有用错
但是以我长期被压迫角度来看,最好是不用
用多了指代词it老外很容易看晕的哈~~

欢迎继续讨论~~:)

yuviUID: 2169411

bingo!
我知道刚才那个句子为什么会被我老眼昏花地挑出来了

there is no doubt that it needs a younger generation with good qualities to develop it in the future

因为它里面有两个it,所以不知道你都指代的什么...:)
这个句子还是要改哈~

yuviUID: 2169411

写了1个多小时,~~大概600多字吧

先说一下论点:不同意世界大学
1.过于理想化的想法,缺少建立大学必要的条件
a)学生和老师的来源
b)地点的选择
2.大学的任务就是教书,不是解决问题,而且很多问题不是学生能解决的
3.世界大学有好处,但是政府也可以采用其他可行的政策

写完发现自己好像在写argument:L


开头和结尾都写的很简单,实在是太困了..
文章copy到word里简单改了下语法和拼写
先放上来,晚上再来仔细看:)



I do not agree that a global university should be established by different nations in order to support the students to solving the world's most persistent social problems. Not only because this thesis does not match the existing level of the reality in nowadays, but also the main aim for university is always academic educating rather than problem solving.

With a commonsense, to build up a global university and pretend to solve social problems is no doubt as idealism thinking. Such like the Utopia theory that created by Thomas More and Esperanto (a kind of world wild language) created by L.L. Zamenhof which both of them were failed in this reality world. Much the way like those idealism creators, the assumption of a global university lacks the fundamental requirements.

What I mean fundamental requirements hereby could be the following two major parts: the sources of student and faulty, and the location of the university. First, the students of a global university could be come from many different areas with completely different culture backgrounds, to manage those cross-culture students in a same environment cannot be simple assignment evermore. Also the faculty should be hide from varies regions all over the world in order to cover distinctive perspectives of many nations. Otherwise the university might be count on an unfair academic level in the global context. Moreover, the location sitting is another thorny question need to be facing as well, is there anyone can imagine which place suits all the conditions in huge range of the demands? None of those extremely unparticular questions were have not to be faced before the idealism assumption goes further. Therefore, according to the examples of Thomas More and L.L. Zamenhof that I have mentioned before, the possibility of building a global university in recent universe world could be just like rarely task.

Once university built firstly at the very early time, its meaning and duty are always to helping the advanced education for human beings' knowledge demands rather than solving their persistent social problems. As we all know, there are plenty social problems existing long ago within every inch of our society. Some of them company with the development of human being and never seem to be eliminating, and even some of them never have a chance challenged with college students. Take terrorism - one of the hottest social issue among these years for example, to use the armchair strategy from academic perspectives are definitely not enough even touch the edge of this social problem. Perhaps the cadets in military academy college are not confident when they facing with terrorist in a real situation, so how could an expanse global university claim to solve it out? Student in university should be focus on academic studies rather than training as a social-problem-solver, especially within a global culture context - of course, if there is a one.

Admittedly, there are some benefits of an university sort within global context, for example, pluralistic environment, diversified convergence, and international communication etcetera, however, to compare with its funding possibility and real utility, the supposition of a global university established by all nations is still an unreal idea. Further, there are some ways other than global university could also be reached those benefits, for instance, global-exchange program, or study- abroad program funding by government are available to replace the difficulty and useless-funding global university.

To sum up, in my point of views, a global university is not necessary being established by all nations support for students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.

honeyiceUID: 2184619

I do not agree that a global university should be established by different nations in order to support the students to solving the world's most persistent social problems. Not only because this thesis does not match the existing level of the reality in nowadays, but also the main aim for university is always academic educating rather than problem solving.

With a commonsense, to build up a global university and pretend to solve social problems is no doubt as idealism thinking. Such like the Utopia(Utopian) theory that (was)created by Thomas More and Esperanto (a kind of world wild language) created by L.L. Zamenhof which both of them were failed in this reality world. Much the way like those idealism creators, the assumption of a global university lacks the fundamental requirements.

What I mean fundamental requirements hereby could be the following two major parts: the sources of student and faulty(faculty), and the location of the university. First, the students of a global university could (may)be(不要) come from many different areas with completely different culture backgrounds, to manage those cross-culture (cross-cultural)students in a same environment cannot be simple assignment evermore. Also the faculty should be hide(hired) from varies regions all over the world in order to cover distinctive perspectives of many nations. Otherwise the university might be count on an unfair academic level in the global context. Moreover, the location sitting is another thorny question need to be facing (faced) as well, is there anyone can imagine which place suits all the conditions in huge range of the demands? (感觉奇怪的一句)None of those extremely unparticular questions were have not to [/color]（语法问题）be faced before the idealism assumption goes further. Therefore, according to the examples of Thomas More and L.L. Zamenhof that I have mentioned before, the possibility of building a global university in recent universe world could be just like rarely task.

Once university built firstly at the very early time, its meaning and duty are always to helping (help就可以了啊)the advanced education for human beings' knowledge demands rather than solving their persistent social problems. As we all know, there are plenty (of)social problems existing long ago within every inch of our society. Some of them company with the development of human being and never seem to be eliminating, and even some of them never have a chance challenged with college students. Take terrorism - one of the hottest social issue (issues)among these years for example, to use the armchair strategy from academic perspectives are definitely not enough even (to)touch the edge of this social problem. Perhaps the cadets in military academy college are not confident when they(are) facing with terrorist in a real situation, so how could an expanse global university claim to solve it out? Student in university should be focus(ing) on academic studies rather than training (being trained)as a social-problem-solver, especially within a global culture context - of course, if there is a one.

Admittedly, there are some benefits of an university sort within global context, for example, pluralistic environment, diversified convergence, and international communication etcetera, however, to compare with its funding possibility and real utility, the supposition of a global university established by all nations is still an unreal idea. Further, there are some ways other than global university could also be reached those benefits, for instance, global-exchange program, or study- abroad program funding by government are available to replace the difficulty and useless-funding global university.

To sum up, in my point of views, a global university is not necessary being established by all nations support for students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.



很厉害啊，思路很清晰，调理也很清楚，然后咧，例子都不错
除了一些小小的语法错误，我都找不出什么来了。

文章的结构能那么好，该怎么练习呢。。。

佩服的说！

[ 本帖最后由 honeyice 于 2006-3-8 23:16 编辑 ]

yuviUID: 2169411

谢谢honeyice !!:)
我会好好补一下语法知识的~~