issue154 同主题第一次限时写的.帮忙来给打个分吧!

jupiterjoyUID: 161688

TOPIC: ISSUE154 - "Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
WORDS: 409          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2006-3-16

There is no denying that education is of significant importance. While professional educators play a considerable part in education with their specific knowledge and skills, parents and communities also are indispensable thus should be involved in the local schools.

Education including systematical arrangement, adademic study and many other aspects require the professionals to build a reasonable and efficient system for schools according to average ability of children in different age.
They help not only design the curriculums but also academic study materials for pupils and student as well. Combined with specific knowledge and professional experiences they ganrantee that schools run regulorly and teaching more efficiently.

However, the professional educators' work all based时态错 on the average levels of all pupils or students. It is impossible and irrational to demand they make out a wonderful system for everyone since specific conditions vary significantly. In this circumstance, local schools need the involvement of both parents and communities that could offer their opinions and help adjust the teaching to special subjects.

Parents may be the ones who understand and concern about their children most. They contribute a lot to their development of children. With whom children spend majority of time, they tend to learn the needs from detail situation being  careful observants对不对？我觉得可以. Consequently, their opinions are sound and most likely to have good results. For example, when a mother attentioned还是用found that her son showed out a great interest in music-always listening to classic sysphonies, reluctant to turn off  the television when a concert was on, expressing a indication of learning some instrument pretending to play a violin in his room--she can give some support to the son letting him attending school bands and music performances or eroll him in some music classes. Perhaps the son really showed his talent in music after all these relative educations.

And communities, the very environment children live in are capable of offering great opportunies for experience outside school. While children learn academic knowledge from school, they rarely have the chance to apply the skills they have learned to solve real problems in reality. Communities, in this circumstances, can be a experienta field for them. Students working part time in their community's coffee can practice social skills and management skills from time to time, and also offer some creative ideas for the owner of the cafe for improvement. Perhaps their ideas really work.

It is true that botyh parents and communities should be involved in local schools besides the professional scholars in education.

我自己把错都标出来了, 忽略那个极其严重的错误irrational, 别的语法错误拼写错误都考虑, 这个能得几分?

[ 本帖最后由 staralways 于 2006-3-16 10:47 编辑 ]

wenyuZUID: 2113611

好的,给你收下了
改好给你贴回来哦.
加油加油.要相信自己呢
我的ISSUE154链接:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1
大家一起加油呢

There is no denying that education is of significant importance. While professional educators play a considerable part in education with their specific knowledge and skills, parents and communities also are indispensable thus should be involved in the local schools.开头第一句引背景的句子过于简单了哦.即使是在限时的情况下开头段也马虎不得哈

Education including systematical arrangement, adademic study and many other aspects require the professionals to build a reasonable and efficient system for schools according to average ability of children in different age.They help not only design the curriculums but also academic study materials for pupils and student as well. Combined with specific knowledge and professional experiences they ganrantee that schools run regulorly and teaching more efficiently.

However, the professional educators' work all based时态错 on the average levels of all pupils or students. It is impossible and irrational to demand they make out a wonderful system for everyone since specific conditions vary significantly. In this circumstance, local schools need the involvement of both parents and communities that could offer their opinions and help adjust the teaching to special subjects.过渡段了吧?过渡很好啦.在限时的情况下都有勇气写个过渡段,不错不错啦

Parents may be the ones who understand and concern about their children most. They contribute a lot to their development of children. With whom children spend majority of time, they tend to learn the needs from detail situation being  careful observants对不对？我觉得可以. Consequently, their opinions are sound and most likely to have good results. For example, when a mother attentioned还是用found that her son showed out a great interest in music-always listening to classic sysphonies, reluctant to turn off  the television when a concert was on, expressing a indication of learning some instrument pretending to play a violin in his room--she can give some support to the son letting him attending school bands and music performances or eroll him in some music classes这里插入语用得地道!赞!学习中…... Perhaps the son really showed his talent in music after all these relative educations.似乎还有些话该说的而没有说,比如可以加上: By designing the most suitable way for the children to follow, parents, compensating the missing individual care from professional educators, play a vital role in the children’s development of their own characteristics. 我的添加不知顺没顺着你的前文说,呵呵,仅供参考哈@

And communities, the very environment children live in are capable of offering great opportunies for experience outside school. While children learn academic knowledge from school, they rarely have the chance to apply the skills they have learned to solve real problems in reality. Communities, in this circumstances, can be a experienta field for them. Students working part time in their community's coffee can practice social skills and management skills from time to time, and also offer some creative ideas for the owner of the cafe for improvement. Perhaps their ideas really work.你应该清楚社区对教育的作用不止这个吧?呵呵,也许由于你限时的原因,不能写多了.但以后训练时就要注意哦,写下其他的一些作用,时间紧的话就尽量用长句带过吧.加油加油!毕竟只列一个原因显得论证比较单薄.

It is true that botyh parents and communities should be involved in local schools besides the professional scholars in education.你的第一篇限时作业不能苛求什么,但你以后的限时作业尽量在开头结尾多下点工夫哦,不能太简单了的~

总得说来,第一篇限时文章就能写成这样,不错啦.你应该对自己有信心哦!加油加油,以后速度会越练越好的,当时间够的话,你应该能做得更出色的哦!加油加油
语言方面,我改过你几篇文章了,都做得好.句式也多漂亮的,所以,我认为你现在练的话,一个练速度,一个练些思维提纲什么的,这样会好些哈.
期待与你的下次交流.我的意见仅供参考呢.加油加油

[ 本帖最后由 wenyuZ 于 2006-3-17 02:06 编辑 ]

小室黄瓜UID: 2155213

不好意思，我们熄灯早，明天来电就起来看你的！！

[ 本帖最后由 小室黄瓜 于 2006-3-16 22:02 编辑 ]

我帅故我在UID: 2165562

TOPIC: ISSUE154 - "Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
WORDS: 409          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2006-3-16

There is no denying that education is of significant importance.in the science-oriented society. While professional educators play a considerable part in education with their specific knowledge and skills, parents and communities also are indispensable thus should be involved in the local schools.我个人觉得开头部分很精确的``不错，限时间能写成这样是个好对策

Education including systematical arrangement, adademic study and many other humanity aspects require the professionals to build a reasonable and efficient system for schools according to average ability of children in different age.
They help not only design the curriculums but also academic study materials for pupils and student as wellfor  all  levels of students. Combined with specific knowledge and professional experiences they ganrantee that schools run regulorlyregularly and teaching并列 应该用teach more efficiently. 句子变化多，不重复，可见楼主的语言功底

However, the professional educators' work all based时态错 on the average levels of all pupils or students.什么意思 ？ It is impossible and irrational to demand they make out a wonderful system for everyone since specific conditions vary significantly. In this circumstance, local schools need the involvement of both parents and communities that could offer their opinions and help adjust the teaching to special subjects.

Parents may be the ones who understand and concern about their children most. They contribute a lot to their 为了避免引起误解，THEIR可以去掉development of children. With whom children spend majority of time, they tend to learn the needs from detail situation being  careful observantConsequently, their opinions are sound and most likely to have good results. For example, when a mother found that her son showed out a great interest in music-always listening to classic sysphonies, reluctant to turn off  the television when a concert was on, expressing a indication of learning some instrument pretending to play a violin in his room用得很到位--she can give somefinancial and spiritual support to the son lettinletg him attending attendschool bands and music performances or eroll him in some music classes. Perhaps the son really showed his talent in music after all these relative educations.

And communities, the very environment children live in are capable of offering great opportunies for experience outside school. While children learn academic knowledge from school, they rarely have the chance to apply the skills they have learned to solve real problems in realityin reality 重复 可以去掉. Communities, in this circumstances换成 aspect, can be a experienta field for them. Students working part time in their community's coffee can practice social skills and management skills from time to time, and also offer some creative ideas for the owner of the cafe for improvement. Perhaps their ideas really work.

It is true that botyh parents and communities should be involved in local schools besides the professional scholars in education. 结尾可能是时间的原因 所以有点匆忙
整体看来 ，文章结构非常清晰，语言变化多，句子很也比较准确。