ARGUMENT6 快考了，大家帮忙看看。bow~~~

tonygumpUID: 201035

syllabus:
1、jazz的流行程度值得怀疑。批驳演唱会上座率和音乐家居住
2、及时流行，大家也不一定会花那个钱。批驳study nationwide
3、即使流行+钱多，还是有问题。a,大家不一定花这个钱在club.b,其他因素也很关键

我对批驳的逻辑顺序比较看重：不知道大家是怎么安排批驳的逻辑顺序呢？可以讨论一下。。嘎嘎~~~

TOPIC: ARGUMENT6 - The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."
WORDS: 546         TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-3-17

Before expecting a rosy outlook of the C Note, a proposed club, the evidence and lines of reasoning given in the argument should be scrutinized from several angles. The author asserts that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise in accordance with its popularity in Monroe and the local market which seem credible ostensibly. Nevertheless, it is fraught with vague and unwarranted claims, as discussed below.

To begin with, the author unfairly assumes that the attendant of jazz festival can indicate that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe. However, the author fails to account for other alternatives. It is entirely possible that 100000 people who attended Monroe's jazz festival include a great number of people coming from other towns. If so, perhaps only a few of the local inhabitants go to the concert. Even if most of masses are local residents, whether jazz music is prevalent or not is still questionable. We cannot preclude the possibility that the attendants go to concert just for fun, not for their interests, since it is a city festival yearly. In addition, the mere fact that several famous jazz musicians reside in Monroe cannot prove the jazz popularity either. Perhaps the Monroe is a good place to reside in with the pleasant climate, pastoral life and convenient traffic. It appears reasonable that many well-know musicians prefer living in Monroe. Before given further evidence to validate the jazz popularity in Monroe, we cannot accept the author's conclusion.

In the second place, even if it is the case that jazz is popular in Monroe, the argument also relies on a nationwide study which indicate that a typical jazz fan spends $1000 per year on jazz. Nevertheless, what is true of the whole nation will not likewise be the same in Monroe. If the whole country develops unbalanced, it is possible that a great number of jazz fans in other cities spend so huge amount of money on their preference that exceeds $1000, while in Monroe, which maybe a newly developing city, the expenditure on jazz for each enthusiast cannot reach such amount. It appears reasonable, therefore, the individuals in Monroe will not spend such amount of money on jazz although they like it.

Finally, even granted that the author does substantiate the forgoing assumptions, the argument is still specious in at least two aspects. The author assumes that people will spend much money in jazz club. Although they like jazz, it is possible that they prefer watching Jazz program on TV, listening to the radio, purchasing jazz discs to going to the jazz club, which will cost more. In addition, even if the market is rosy, the author fails to provide more evidence to indicate that the investment on jazz club would be a profitable decision. Since other alternatives such as the market strategies, the corporate executives' leading ability and a competitive price are all not available for us, the developers are just armchair strategists. Without more information provided, it is a sheer folly to believe there would be a tremendously profits.

In sum, the reasoning of arguer lack sufficient evidence and well-rounded consideration. Far more detailed and scientific studies and scrutiny should be exerted to show the feasibility of setting up a jazz club in C Note.

[ 本帖最后由 tonygump 于 2006-3-17 10:53 编辑 ]

亟沣UID: 2193237

Before expecting a rosy outlook of the C Note, a proposed club, the evidence and lines of reasoning given in the argument should be scrutinized from several angles. The author asserts that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise in accordance with its popularity in Monroe and the local market which seem credible ostensibly. Nevertheless, it is fraught with vague and unwarranted claims, as discussed below.

To begin with, the author unfairly assumes that the attendant of jazz festival can indicate (indicates) that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe. However, the author fails to account for other alternatives. It is entirely possible that 100000 people who attended Monroe's jazz festival include a great number of people coming from other towns. If so, perhaps only a few of the local inhabitants go to the concert. Even if most of masses are local residents, whether jazz music is prevalent or not is still questionable. We cannot preclude the possibility that the attendants go to（the）concert just for fun, not for their interests, since it is a city festival yearly（annual是不是要好一些，当然位置就要调整一下）. In addition, the mere fact that several famous jazz musicians reside in Monroe cannot prove the jazz popularity（你确定jazz popularity的说法么？）either. Perhaps the Monroe is a good place to reside in with the pleasant climate, pastoral life and convenient traffic. It appears reasonable that many well-know musicians prefer living in Monroe. Before given further evidence to validate the jazz popularity in Monroe, we cannot accept the author's conclusion.

In the second place, even if it is the case that jazz is popular in Monroe, the argument also relies on a nationwide study which indicate (indicates) that a typical jazz fan spends $1000 per year on jazz. Nevertheless, what is true of the whole nation will not likewise be the same in Monroe. If the whole country develops unbalanced, it is possible that a great number of jazz fans in other cities spend so huge amount of money on their preference that exceeds $1000, while (也许whereas好一些) in Monroe, which maybe a newly developing city, the expenditure on jazz for each enthusiast cannot reach such amount. It appears reasonable, therefore, the individuals in Monroe will not spend such amount of money on jazz although they like it.

Finally, even granted that the author does substantiate the forgoing assumptions, the argument is still specious in at least two aspects (好像常用respects). The author assumes that people will spend much money in jazz club. Although they like jazz, it is possible that they prefer watching Jazz program on TV, listening to the radio, purchasing jazz discs to going to the jazz club, which will cost more. In addition, even if the market is rosy, the author fails to provide more evidence to indicate that the investment on jazz club would be a profitable decision. Since other alternatives such as the market strategies, the corporate executives' leading ability and a competitive price are all not available for us, the developers are just armchair strategists. Without more information provided, it is a sheer folly to believe there would be a tremendously profits.

In sum, the reasoning of arguer lack sufficient evidence and well-rounded consideration. Far more detailed and scientific studies and scrutiny should be exerted to show the feasibility of setting up a jazz club in C Note.


文章思路比较清晰。
有个感觉就是有些长句看起来是很用力去写的，不自然。只要表达清楚你的意思就可以了，有些插入语用的过多，反而不好。
其他都不错，总之加油哈～:victory::)

tonygumpUID: 201035

谢谢！我会在长短句结合方面修改一下。你看得很仔细阿。。谢谢