Argument190 Gter四月''无名''小组第31次作业-守望的晶晶

守望的晶晶UID: 2110730

3.18 190The following is a letter to the editor of the Glenville Gazette, a local newspaper.
'Over the past few years, the number of people who have purchased advance tickets for the Glenville Summer Concert series has declined, indicating lack of community support. Although the weather has been unpredictable in the past few years, this cannot be the reason for the decline in advance ticket purchases, because many people attended the concerts even in bad weather. Clearly, then, the reason for the decline is the choice of music, so the organizers of the concert should feature more modern music in the future and should be sure to include music composed by Richerts, whose recordings Glenville residents purchase more often than any other contemporary recordings. This strategy will undoubtedly increase advance ticket purchases and will increase attendance at the concerts.'
提纲：
1 作者认为买高级票人数下降与缺少社区支持有关，缺乏理论依据
2 作者承认近几年天气不好，但否认会影响人们参加音乐会的证据不足
2 人们买Richerts的唱片不代表他们也会去音乐会听他的音乐
4 就算作者的分析有一定的道理，他认为用“加现代音乐”的策略一定会增加人数，有点“仓促下结论”之嫌
In this analysis, the arguer recommends that if we fill with more modern music, advance ticket purchases and attendance at the concerts will be increased undoubtedly. To support this recommendation, the arguer cites two facts(1) The number of people purchasing advance tickets for the concert has declined during the past few years, indicating lack of community support; (2) weather is unpredictable these years, but is not the reason for the decline; and (3) organizers should feature more modern music which is purchased by people, such as Richerts’. However , the evidences the arguer gives us suffere from several fallacies.

First, readers are told people who have purchased advance tickets for the Glenville Summer Concert series has declined during the past few years, indicating lack of community support. The arguer fails to substantiate this crucial assumption. One may doubt how the arguer knows, and that there may be some other reasons: the economics in these years are sagged, more and more people who can not enjoy advance tickets will turn to common tickets; though rich, people are more econominism than before and they considered the common tickets are good enough; and so on.

Second, the arguer admit that the weather has been unpredictable in the past few years, but he consider the influence of weather is not significant, because "many people attended the concerts even in bad weather". He didn't give us total amount of incoming people, which can inferred whether people are declined because of the weather. Maybe some people who are the fans of the concerts would attend it however bad the conditions is. But a large number of people treat it as a common interest, especially some richer who will buy the advanced tickets, so their attending the concert or doesn’t depend on the weather, the mood, and some other factors.

Thirdly, the arguer thinks that the reason for the decline is the choice of the modern music, specially the music composed by Richerts, whose recording Glenville residents purchase more often than other recording. The arguer still didn't give us any evidences, just saying the reason is "clearly". People like modern music, but they prefer to listening to it at home. They come to concert just for classic music because of the sound effects of the hall. Admittedly, people there sought for the recording of Richerts, But this doesn't means people would go to concerts for his live music. Since they have had the recording that they can listen to at home or in the cars, there is no need to pursue the music in concert.

Last but not least, Even assuming that the measure the arguer gives are reasonable. He is too hasty to draw the conclusion that the strategy will undoubtedly increase advance ticket purchases and will increase attendance. Maybe many other factor effecting the attendance are not discovered. A particular phenomenon happens seldom on account of one or two single reason. There are several complicated causes.

In summary, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to have more investigations and give us more evidences why the advanced tickets selling related to community support, and is foreign to weather. Also, I need to know how necessary the modern music is to be featured in the concert.

heyclinUID: 2146780

Argument190 Gter四月''无名''小组第31次作业-守望的晶晶

3.18 190The following is a letter to the editor of the Glenville Gazette, a local newspaper.
'Over the past few years, the number of people who have purchased advance tickets for the Glenville Summer Concert series has declined, indicating lack of community support. Although the weather has been unpredictable in the past few years, this cannot be the reason for the decline in advance ticket purchases, because many people attended the concerts even in bad weather. Clearly, then, the reason for the decline is the choice of music, so the organizers of the concert should feature more modern music in the future and should be sure to include music composed by Richerts, whose recordings Glenville residents purchase more often than any other contemporary recordings. This strategy will undoubtedly increase advance ticket purchases and will increase attendance at the concerts.'
提纲：
1 作者认为买高级票人数下降与缺少社区支持有关，缺乏理论依据
2 作者承认近几年天气不好，但否认会影响人们参加音乐会的证据不足
2 人们买Richerts的唱片不代表他们也会去音乐会听他的音乐
4 就算作者的分析有一定的道理，他认为用“加现代音乐”的策略一定会增加人数，有点“仓促下结论”之嫌

In this analysis, the arguer recommends that if we fill with 感觉说得不清楚啊， 最好用文章中的准确信息more modern music, advance ticket purchases and attendance at the concerts will be increased undoubtedly. To support this recommendation, the arguer cites two下面的好像是三个啊 facts(1) The number of people purchasing advance tickets for the concert has declined during the past few years, indicating lack of community support; (2) weather is unpredictable these years, but is not the reason for the decline; and (3) organizers should feature more modern music which is purchased by people, such as Richerts’. However , the evidences the arguer gives us suffere suffer from several fallacies. 既然开头这样写了，那么下面的论述必然是围绕着这三个方面的。我个人认为你在这里写得并不怎么清楚，在这三个点中应该把要攻击的地方也应该展示出来的，比如说第三点你就没有把为什么你后面不同意的地方也就是whose recordings Glenville residents purchase more often than any other contemporary recordings写出来

First, readers 不明白这是什么意思啊are told people who have purchased advance tickets for the Glenville Summer Concert series has declined during the past few years, indicating lack of community support.这里最好变换一下句型，别出现这么长的一句都和原文一样的 The arguer fails to substantiate this crucial 我看不出这是个假设，而且是个crucial的。assumption. One may doubt how the arguer knows, and that there may be some other reasons: 太口语化了the economics in these years are sagged, more and more people who can not enjoy advance tickets will turn to common tickets; though rich, people are more econominism than before and they considered the common tickets are good enough; and so on. 这后面的reason好像不能说明为什么作者的观点有问题啊。还有建议你看看advance到底是什么意思啊，应该是说预先的意思吧。而且你这段好像是给为什么缺乏community support给与解释了，而不是批驳啊。不是写issue.你可以说不是缺少支持的原因导致他的票卖的少了，而是由于自身的管理什么的不好才造成这样的结果的啊。

Second, the arguer admit （admits) that the weather has been unpredictable in the past few years, but he( he or she)  consider (considers)the influence of weather is not significant, because "many people attended the concerts even in bad weather". He didn't give us total amount of incoming people, which can inferred whether people are declined because of the weather.这一句话也很口语化。尽管argument对语言的要求不高，但是我们如果语言很口语化的，好像也不是很好的吧。Maybe some people who are the fans of the concerts would attend it however bad the conditions is. But a large number of people treat it as a common interest, especially some richer who will buy the advanced tickets, so their attending the concert or doesn’t depend on the weather, the mood, and some other factors.你这里说理也不怎么好吧。我们可以说参加the concerts even in the bad weather的那些人都不是buy advance tickets的那些人把，然后你可以把你的理由写得更像是反驳作者的观点，我认为你的最大的一个缺点就是你呢，好比你知道这样不好，而且为什么不好，但是你却没有把你的那些理由用一个很好的思维逻辑连接起来，从而来批驳作者的观点把。
Thirdly（你前面都用的是first, second, 这里最好也用third) , the arguer thinks that the reason for the decline is the choice of the modern music, specially the music composed by Richerts, 这里好像和题目中的意思不一样啊。whose recording Glenville residents purchase more often than other recording. The arguer still didn't give us any evidences, just saying the reason is "clearly".口语化，很中国式的语言啊 People like modern music, but they prefer to listening to it at home. They come to concert just for classic music because of the sound effects of the hall. 这个理由基本上到位了。Admittedly, people there sought for the recording of Richerts, But （but)this doesn't means(mean)  people would go to concerts for his live music. Since they have had the recording that they can listen to at home or in the cars, there is no need to pursue the music in concert.

Last but not least, Even(even)  assuming that the measure the arguer gives are reasonable. He （,he)is too hasty to draw the conclusion that the strategy will undoubtedly increase advance ticket purchases and will increase attendance. Maybe many other factor effecting (factors affecting) the attendance are not discovered. A particular phenomenon happens seldom on account of one or two single reason. There are several complicated causes.这里你应该说清楚一点的。
In summary, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to have more investigations and give us more evidences why the advanced tickets selling related to community support, and is foreign to weather. Also, I need to know how necessary the modern music is to be featured in the concert.
作者还需要有很大的努力空间的。这基本上就是我的一点意见吧。还希望有所帮助的。:)

我是皮皮牛UID: 2143495

写作模式: 假期一直在看 钟良明先生的<<最新GRE高分作文>>所以我的文章 可能在风格上与 新东方的文章不一样, 欢迎大家拍板
提纲:
开头: 导致票房下降的原因有很多, 下题目中的结论过早了
1) 消费者购买能力(消费能力)  重点分析 对比"经济型"和"高级型"门票对消费者的影响 以及 为什么以前会有很多人买高级门票
2) 举例说明其他的因素, 导致人们不能去 听音乐会
结论: 管理者必须进行深入调查研究,然后决定策略


It is positive for managers of Glenville Summer Concert to think thoroughly about the reason led to sales declining of advance tickets. Perhaps there exists a series of problems either identified or still unknown, so it is a little bit earlier to conclude that the strategy of featuring "modern music" and including "music composed by Richerts" will increase the purchases of advance ticket as well as attendance at the concerts.

Generally there could be several reasons with connections to a variety of factors that led to the drop of sales. The power of consumption, I mean, should be put on the first position. The author has attributed the failure completely to the "lack of community support" while it reflected their neglects to a very important factor--whether people could afford the relatively high price demanded by the advance tickets. The majority of people in the Glenville, though enthusiasts to the music, do have limited free money to spend on the concert. Besides the entertainment fees, they also have to rely on the money to feed on their family. Under such circumstances, it is no doubt to see why people prefer to choose another kind of tickets, namely, economic ticket which is in contrast to "advance ticket". Economic tickets could also satisfy the majority of enthusiasts' special interests and most importantly help them save a large amount of expenses which they could use to purchase more "economic tickets" and enjoy more concerts at lower costs. As for the previously high sales of advance tickets, I advise those managers to take a close look at the time. That period happened to be the initial years of Glenville Summer Concert when people were very fresh and curious and now as these concerts are held year by year, the freshness has already disappeared with the reality facing to the local people. So it is natural for those managers to worry why sales of advance tickets dropped.

Secondly, as for the suggestions proposed by some of the managers that they should add up more modern music in the future, I would like to extend my suspicions whether it is in the favor of all people. Based on nothing more about the characters of people in the Glenville like the age of those music enthusiasts, the salary of them and more heavily their different favorites, classic or modern, I just think it is too rapid for mangers to take action. Probably, people in the Glenville prefer the classic music with beautiful melodies, or most of the young people are frustrated by homework with less time to go to the concert, or most of the modern people who prefer “modern” music only stay at home and listen to music on the Internet. These are a fraction of many behaviors adopted by different people, how could the managers only catch some of those beneficial to make this “strategy” important to the development of the concert?

Finally speaking, the “strategy” that most of the managers regard promising would probably bring continuous worries if they have not made a thorough investigation about the various characters of local people including their favorites, power of consumption as well as behaviors of customers.

annocquUID: 2127832

原帖由 我是皮皮牛 于 2006-3-21 21:47 发表
消费者购买能力(消费能力)  重点分析 对比"经济型"和"高级型"门票对消费者的影响 以及 为什么以前会有很多人买高级门票1) 消费者 ...

Caution!
"advance" is unequel to "advanced", the former means "in advance"or "ahead", while the latter means "superior" or "vip".
Do not confuse them!~
:$