Argument1 中文提纲，换了一种模板

biojerryUID: 2148576

TOPIC-Argument1 The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.

"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."

OUTLINE
1.文中说Nature's Way必然盈利的经验是不妥的，其一，无数据支持经验；其二，影响利润的因素很多。
2.文中说当地居民很重视健康的生活方式，未必吧！其一，数据只显示了销售额本身的增长而未考虑实际市场份额；其二，可能有其他原因，而非对健康生活的追求，使得销售额增加，club会员增多。
3.文中预言了一潜在的顾客群体——当地学童，这种考虑并不周全。因为这些学童是要求参加"fitness for life" program而可能不是他们自己的意愿。

Words：579       Time：未限时，约1小时

The notion that the store selling healthy product would gain profits in areas where residents are highly concerned with healthy life seems at first glance warranted. After all, individuals who intend to lead such life may purchase many nurtures and the like. However, the conclusion that Nature's Way should build another new store in Plainsville may overlooks some other elements that influence the profits and may rests on the fact, which is actually not the case, that Plainsville has many residents mentioned above.

To begin with, the argument is based on the assumption that the stores of Nature's Way are most profitable in the region, which has a number of its residents caring about the healthy life style. Yet it suffers from two critical flaws. On the one hand, the arguer fails to provide us the exact statistic about this situation. Is the experience reliable? What is the amount of such stores? Are such stores representative of the branches of Nature's Way as a whole? We are not informed all of these. On the other hand, there are lots of elements that will influences the profits of the store some of which may be not taken into account by the arguer. For example, the costs including ads fee, transportation fee and the tax may differ from one another in different districts. Moreover, the market share, the preference of consumers will also exert subtle effects on the profits. Without considering and ruling out these scenarios, the argument cannot convince me to the assumption, let alone the conclusion resting on it.

Even assuming residents who show high concern about healthy lifestyle will benefit the store, the argument fails to provide efficient and sufficient evidences to lend strong support to the prerequisite that Plainsville do has such residents. The author takes Plainsville merchants report and the amount of members in a local health club for example, which actually have two logical fallacies. First, the argument states that the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs, and that the local healthy club has more members than ever. Yet these statistics only reflect the variation of themselves. With such information, no conclusion could be reached about the actual market share and the real fraction in the whole residents these members of club makes up. Second, it is entirely possible that other causes may lead to the increasing sales and members. Perhaps, the club and shops have been launching a promotion at that time. Or perhaps, people attend the healthy club or purchase the exercise gears just with the purpose of recreation or figure building. Unless the author takes these factors into consideration, the conclusion is groundless.

Finally, the allegation in the memorandum that Nature's Way could anticipate a new generation of customers is open to doubt. The arguer reasons that Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a "fitness for life" program. Nonetheless, he unfairly treats the requirement for children as the willingness of children. The requirement is such a compulsory task that it makes no difference to substantiate that Plainsville's schoolchildren show and will show interests and ardency in attending the program.

The statistics about sales of exercise gears and members of local health club may give some useful information for decision-making. Before the conclusion that another new store should be built in Plainsville, however, thorough investigation towards local consumers and insightful cost-benefit analysis is absolutely needed. After all, a hasty and wrong strategy is no better than suicide.


说明：想突破280模板，对开头结尾进行了一些尝试，时间上尚未严格限制，下次争取限时成功，希望各位g友狠拍。

[ 本帖最后由 biojerry 于 2006-3-21 08:52 编辑 ]

zhustarUID: 2123766

只看了开头结尾~
感觉可以~蛮好的：）

biojerryUID: 2148576

呵呵，其实参考了ETS的范文
就不知道这种模板能不能广泛应用
但如果用上，应该比280模板要好些

biojerryUID: 2148576

大家能不能对中间的论证结构安排及深度提点建议
有些地方，比如说提纲中第2点的两个小点，我认为联系比较紧密，所以放在一起，不知这样妥不妥，需不需要分成两段论述？

PS：希望g友狠拍，留链接以回拍。

ciceUID: 2140424

The notion that the store selling healthy product would gain profits in areas where residents are highly concerned with healthy life seems at first glance warranted. After all, individuals who intend to lead such life may purchase many nurtures and the like. However, the conclusion that Nature's Way should build another new store in Plainsville may overlooks some other elements that influence the profits and may rests on the fact, which is actually not the case, that Plainsville has many residents mentioned above.

To begin with, the argument is based on the assumption that the stores of Nature's Way are most profitable in the region, which has a number of its residents caring about the healthy life style. Yet it suffers from two critical flaws. On the one hand, the arguer fails to provide us the exact statistic about this situation. Is the experience reliable? 这不是逻辑错误，确实有可能不可靠，但它不算大错误。What is the amount of such stores? Are such stores representative of the branches of Nature's Way as a whole? We are not informed all of these. On the other hand, there are lots of elements that will influences the profits of the store some of which may be not taken into account by the arguer. For example, the costs including ads fee, transportation fee and the tax may differ from one another in different districts. Moreover, the market share, the preference of consumers will also exert subtle effects on the profits. Without considering and ruling out these scenarios, the argument cannot convince me to the assumption, let alone the conclusion resting on it. 最好能把这些偏理论的影响因素具体化一下，这样会更有说服力

Even assuming residents who show high concern about healthy lifestyle will benefit the store, the argument fails to provide efficient and sufficient evidences to lend strong support to the prerequisite that Plainsville do has such residents. The author takes Plainsville merchants report and the amount of members in a local health club for example, which actually have two logical fallacies. First, the argument states that the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs, and that the local healthy club has more members than ever. Yet these statistics only reflect the variation of themselves. With such information, no conclusion could be reached about the actual market share and the real fraction in the whole residents these members of club makes up. 有点晦涩。再加一句，可能其他club濒临倒闭。Second, it is entirely possible that other causes may lead to the increasing sales and members. Perhaps, the club and shops have been launching a promotion at that time. 他们做了，咱们也可以做呀。不是有力的论点Or perhaps, people attend the healthy club or purchase the exercise gears just with the purpose of recreation or figure building. 这个perhaps有力。可以继续展开。单独作为一个论点。Unless the author takes these factors into consideration, the conclusion is groundless.

Finally, the allegation in the memorandum that Nature's Way could anticipate a new generation of customers is open to doubt. The arguer reasons that Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a "fitness for life" program. Nonetheless, he unfairly treats the requirement for children as the willingness of children. The requirement is such a compulsory task that it makes no difference to substantiate that Plainsville's schoolchildren show and will show interests and ardency in attending the program. 强制就没兴趣可以理解，但没兴趣与将来不买健康产品之间还有距离。其实就差一句话: 这些孩子长大后就不会买健康产品

The statistics about sales of exercise gears and members of local health club may give some useful information for decision-making. Before the conclusion that another new store should be built in Plainsville, however, thorough investigation towards local consumers and insightful cost-benefit analysis is absolutely needed. After all, a hasty and wrong strategy is no better than suicide.过了吧，说不如不做就够了。结尾不错!
语言好，错误找了挺多，论述全面。但再具体化一下就更好理解了，会更有说服力。

永乐07UID: 2606877

谢谢分享

a691662UID: 2872362

我不是故意挖坟  我无意间看见的……

我想问楼主这么类似于ETS 范文的文章算不算雷同？

因为楼主根据argument 第一篇范文的6分文章制作的模板，虽然例子句式等等都不一样，但整体思路非常相似，我一眼就看出来了，何况那些rater？

那么，这种的算雷同吗？