同主题写作topic5，第一次写。劳烦牛人帮我看看吧。

清荷才露UID: 2163929

提纲：赞同。
1. 坏处：污染之类的，但是可以被现在的新技术所克服
2. 好处1：推动经济前进
3. 好处2：推动设施的发展，教育的发展

我都不知道作文怎么写，到底要写几个字。谢谢各位给我些意见吧。：）

Lately, people in the community are discussing whether to build a large factory in the community or not. Some residents support it because of the advantages it would bring to the community such as the economic increase; others oppose the factory for the disadvantages following the building of the factory, for example, air pollution and threat to the community security. In my opinion, I support the factory.

Admittedly, a factory will surely bring some disadvantages to the community. The chemical factory would cause air pollution; the manufacture factory would cause noise which could affect the daily lives of the residents. Furthermore, the additional people who come to work from other communities will make the community be under the threat of poor safety, since the more the people there are, the higher the crime rate will be. However, modern techniques could solve most problems and the factory will minimize the pollutions or the harms to the community.

In the second place, factory will bring the community with a lot of advantages. On one hand, it promotes the economic forward. As we all know, a newly-built factory will offer a large amount of vacancies to the community, therefore, it makes it possible for those jobless people to be employed so that the community’s unemployment rate will be significantly declined. Moreover, as most people in the community can make ends meet since the factory, the life quality will be largely increased. In addition, the development of the community would attract more investments which will result in thriving the economy of the community.

On the other hand, the factory would also bring more establishments to the community. As a factory built, more hospitals and schools will be built following the factory to serve the employees as well as to benefit the residents of the community. As a result, more chances will be offered to the youngsters to go to the university. Besides, the community will be more harmonious since the immigrants with different cultures and people could learn more after the communication with these immigrants.

In conclusion, the advantages of a factory outweigh the disadvantages. Therefore, I support the plan to build a factory in our community in final analysis.

清荷才露UID: 2163929

好像要自己up一下啊。。。

woodygtUID: 2136751

Lately, people in the community are discussing whether to build a large factory in the community重复了这里，跟上一个community or not. Some residents support it because of the advantages it would bring to the community such as the economic increase; others oppose the factory for the disadvantages following the building of the factory, for example, air pollution and threat to the community security. In my opinion, I support the factory.

Admittedly, a factory will surely bring some disadvantages to the community. The chemical factory would cause air pollution; the manufacture factory would cause noise which could affect the daily lives of the residents. Furthermore, the additional people who come to work from other communities will make the community be under the threat of poor safety, since the more the people there are, the higher the crime rate will be. However, modern techniques could solve most problems and the factory will minimize the pollutions pollution不可数 or the harms to the community.

In the second place这个东西放在这里比较奇怪的说，上面那一段基本上可以说是让步，所以搞一个并列的连词放在这里有点别扭, factory will bring the community with a lot of advantages. On one hand, it promotes the economic forward. As we all know, a newly-built factory will offer a large amount of vacancies to the community, therefore, it makes it possible for those jobless people to be employed so that the community’s unemployment rate will be significantly declined. Moreover, as most people in the community can make ends meet since the factory我土了，没看懂，固定搭配吗？, the life quality will be largely increased. In addition, the development of the community would attract more investments which will result in thriving the economy of the community.

On the other hand, the factory would also bring more establishments to the community. As a factory built, more hospitals and schools will be built following the factory to serve the employees as well as to benefit the residents of the community. As a result, more chances will be offered to the youngsters to go to the university.这个扯得有点远了，似乎跟前面没有明显的联系，我觉得 Besides, the community will be more harmonious since the immigrants with different cultures and people could learn more after the communication with these immigrants.这句语法有问题，语意也有问题，我觉得，你好像要说不同的移民促进和谐，但是常理似乎不是这样的

In conclusion, the advantages of a factory outweigh the disadvantages. Therefore, I support the plan to build a factory in our community in final analysis.

总体感觉很不错，句式和语言都很丰富，特别是连接和过渡，非常佩服！

woodygtUID: 2136751

我的，有空帮看看吧:D
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... xtra=#pid1768440604

xizzhuUID: 2195156

admittedly, (paragraph 2), then "in the second place"(paragraph 3).   偶是读得懂, 但是可以这样用吗?

personal opinon.    your essay is very good.

here is my essay; i want your opinion.
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2

[ 本帖最后由 xizzhu 于 2006-4-15 14:20 编辑 ]

清荷才露UID: 2163929

非常感谢woody和xizzhu，我会修改的。希望我们能互相帮助，互相修改。加油哦：）