Topic 143 惨~

归来的虎子UID: 181060

NO 6   Topic 143   Time consumed: 32min   

  When asked about whether students should be given one long vacation each year or should be given one lone vacation each year or should have several short vacations throughout the year, people are always tend to have distinctive opinions. As far as I am concerned, I hold the belief that a long vacation each year have more overwhelming merits than several short vacations.

  The most persuasive reason why I choose a long vacation goes to the fact that a long vacation means more time off school, which enable students to spent more time at home with their favorite readings, or with their grandparents and seniors, or prepare a further journey to go and see the outer world, enjoying themselves with their friends. On the contrary, a short vacation cannot afford them to do this, many students might be likely spending their few days cuddling in bed and think of the exam when the vacation is over.

  Another striking advantage of a long journey is the invisible power to make students focus on their studying when in studying terms and enjoying themselves during the vacation. As a university students myself I have the same experience as most of my friends: I am inclined to do my best in preparing for the final examination just before the long vacation and when it finally come, I enjoy in it with all my spirit and soul, then, when the vacation is over, I can make myself engaged 100 percent in my studying again with a pleasant and fresh brain. However, when the short vacation is near, I cannot concentrate on my study with my head full of the TV programs and video games which I will have in vacations and when I am in the day off, I often going to worry about the quiz right after the holiday and therefore cannot fully have fun either.

  A further convincing argument of a yearly long vacation is that some students could make other good use of it by attending certain training classes such as skills in computers and foreign languages, or participating in some money making programs like “summer programs”. Through these activities one can not only earn some money with their own hand but also gain a lot of experiences which they can not learn in classes.

  In conclusion, due to so many significant advantages of a yearly long vacation over several short vacations, especially having more time for a big vacation plan, concentrating both in study and enjoying, and learning something new, I believe it is sagacious to make the claim that a long vacation should be advocated to educational institutions.

感觉没话可说啊~到最后实在不行都把个人经验加进去了~果然超时

求拍
！:handshake

归来的虎子UID: 181060

up

yanhuangbabyUID: 178305

When asked about whether students should be given one long vacation each year or should be given one lone vacation each year??? or should have several short vacations throughout the year, people are always tend to have distinctive opinions. As far as I am concerned, I hold the belief that a long vacation each year have more overwhelming merits than several short vacations.

  The most persuasive reason why I choose a long vacation goes to the fact that a long vacation means more time off school, which enable students to spent more time at home with their favorite readings, or with their grandparents and seniors, or prepare a further journey to go and see the outer world, enjoying themselves with their friends. On the contrary, a short vacation cannot afford them to do this, many students might be likely spending their few days cuddling in bed and think of the exam when the vacation is over.

  Another striking advantage of a long journey is the invisible power to make students focus on their studying when in studying terms and enjoying themselves during the vacation. As a university students myself这个myself是不是删了更好 ,I have the same experience as most of my friends: I am inclined to do my best in preparing for the final examination just before the long vacation and when it finally come, I enjoy in it with all my spirit and soul, then, when the vacation is over, I can make myself engaged 100 percent in my studying again with a pleasant and fresh brain. However, when the short vacation is near, I cannot concentrate on my study with my head full of the TV programs and video games which I will have in vacations and when I am in the day off, I often going to worry about the quiz right after the holiday and therefore cannot fully have fun either.

  A further convincing argument of a yearly long vacation is that some students could make other good use of it by attending certain training classes such as skills in computers and foreign languages, or participating in some money making programs like “summer programs”. Through these activities one can not only earn some money with their own hand but also gain a lot of experiences which they can not learn in classes.

  In conclusion, due to so many significant advantages of a yearly long vacation over several short vacations, especially having more time for a big vacation plan, concentrating（ both in study and enjoying你的both和and放到哪里？怎么两边的词性不一致？, and learning something new）, I believe it is sagacious to make the claim that a long vacation should be advocated to educational institutions.

总体来说说思路吧，语法和表达的就不用说什么了。
我总是觉得虎子你的作文aw的味道很浓，其实托福作文没有必要写成那个模式。
1。你的例子可以多几个，稍微集中地写其中一个，
你的做法是，很集中深入地就列举和分析一个例子，所以就觉得没有其他东西可以写
虽然逻辑思维很紧密，可是托福作文可能需要的不是这些
2。有一些很常用但是又必须的词语不见了，比如“for example,such as”，这些都是改卷者必看的举例的标志。
3。还有就是你的TS，第2段和第4段的首句明显过长，让人觉得喘不过气来。你可以稍微把它改短一点或者改成两个句子。
也可以试试这种写法：
主要内容的第一段写长假好处，第2段写短假好处，第3段写自己的选择以及理由，这样加上开头结尾就能保证五段了。

同样的，你可以试一下第9道题目，和这个很相似，试一下用我说去写一下，我再给你看看

归来的虎子UID: 181060

多谢老大！