argument147 FlY AW 作文组

kckUID: 2214868

第一次写,写到吐血还是才这么一点.go on fighting!
TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
提纲:
1.调查可能不够具有信服力.被调查的人员是否能代表所有玩家?调查选项有限,可能会影响结果.
2.即使调查合理有效,仍然有许多因素影响销售
3.广告主要对象:10-25岁的人不一定就是属于看重  lifelike graphics的,广告也许不会那么有效,预测将是unconvinving

正文:


   In this editorial, author predicts that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months based on some flawed reasons, which I would argue in the following paragraphs.
   First, the survey ,due to which the author begins his reasoning, may not be reliable enough to justify that players prefer video-games that provide better lifelike graphics more than other games. No evidence shows that the respondents are representatives of all groups of players. In addition,   the survey may only list a few alternatives for respondents to choose, which may affect the final result. If either of the two is the case, the author's prediction would be unconvincing accordingly.
   Secondly, Even if the survey is well conducted and is trustable, which means that Whirlwind’s new video-games are attractive, there are many other alternatives to affect the sales of a video-game, such as price, trends among players, plot of games, type of games, or even competition, nation’s regulation, and so forth.  Without ruling out these reasons, the author can hardly justify that Whirlwind's game will increase its sales decrease by promoting the new games.
  Thirdly, the author implicit that the advertising campaign which mainly aim at people 10 to 25 years old will attract players who are the potential clients effectively by assuming that 10 to 25 years old people belongs to the group that prefer games with better lifelike graphics. However,   no relative support to this assumption is mentioned in the editorial. The effect of the advertising may not be so far-reaching unless such reliable statistics could be offered. Therefore, the author can’t convince me that Whirlwind will reverse its sales decrease.
  In sum, the increase of sales may be affected by many factors .The author can’t simply draws prediction from these unconvincing statistic and assumption. To strengthen it, the author must provide more materials such as clear statistics which can show that Whirlwind’s video-games would be attractive to 10 to 25 years old players due to their better lifelike graphics, convincing evidence to justify that Whirlwind’s video-games are competitive and would sell better in the market and so on.

kckUID: 2214868

知道[挖]

[ 本帖最后由 kck 于 2006-5-18 12:14 编辑 ]

exp03UID: 2158827

In this editorial, author predicts that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months based on some flawed reasons, which I would argue in the following paragraphs.
   First, the survey ,due to which(感觉有点怪,如果是非限制性定于从句那应该不要due吧,讨论一下吧) the author begins in his reasoning, may not be reliable enough to justify that players prefer video-games that provide(被动语态吧) better lifelike graphics more than other games. No evidence shows that the respondents are representatives of all groups of players. In addition, the survey may only list a few alternatives for respondents to choose, which may affect the final result. If either of the two is the case, the author's prediction would be unconvincing accordingly.
从句使用太多,看着有点晕@%&,希望多使用状语形式
   Secondly, Even if the survey is well conducted and is trustable, which means that Whirlwind’s new video-games are attractive, there are many other alternatives to affect the sales of a video-game, such as price, trends among players, plot of games, type of games, or even competition, nation’s regulation, and so forth.  Without ruling out these reasons, the author can hardly justify that Whirlwind's game will increase its sales decrease by promoting the new games.(increase decrease?好像矛盾了)
  Thirdly, the author implicit that the advertising campaign which mainly aim at people 10 to 25 years old will attract players who are the potential clients effectively by assuming that 10 to 25 years old people belongs to the group that prefer games with better lifelike graphics.一句话写了47个单词用了5个从句… However, no relative support to this assumption is mentioned in the editorial. The effect of the advertising may not be so far-reaching unless such reliable statistics could be offered. Therefore, the author can’t convince me that Whirlwind will reverse its sales decrease.
  In sum, the increase of sales may be affected by many factors .The author can’t simply draws prediction from these unconvincing statistic and assumption. To strengthen it, the author must provide more materials such as clear statistics which can show that Whirlwind’s video-games would be attractive to 10 to 25 years old players due to their better lifelike graphics, convincing evidence to justify that Whirlwind’s video-games are competitive and would sell better in the market and so on.

感觉三个攻击点都找得不错,里面例子可以举得详细些使内容充实而有说服力,嗯,造句还需再练习.最后一段总结个人觉得只需要总结他的目的达不到就可以了.

zqznedUID: 2114587

In this editorial, author predicts that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months based on some flawed reasons, which I would argue in the following paragraphs.
   First(ly), the survey ,due to which the author begins his reasoning, may not be reliable enough to justify that players prefer video-games that provide better lifelike（life-like) graphics(games) more than other games(others). No evidence shows that the respondents are representatives of all groups of players. In addition,   the survey may only list a few alternatives for respondents to choose, which may affect the final result. If either of the two is the case, the author's prediction would be unconvincing accordingly.
   Secondly, Even if the survey is well conducted and is trustable, which means that Whirlwind’s new video-games are attractive, there are many other alternatives to affect the sales of a video-game, such as price, trends among players, plot of games, type of games, or even competition, nation’s regulation, and so forth.  Without ruling out these reasons, the author can hardly justify that Whirlwind's game will increase its sales decrease(?) by promoting the new games.
  Thirdly, the author implicit(s) that the advertising campaign which mainly aim at people 10 to 25 years old will attract players who are the potential clients effectively by assuming that 10 to 25 years old people belongs to the group that prefer games with better lifelike graphics. However,   no relative support to this assumption is mentioned in the editorial. The effect of the advertising may not be so far-reaching unless such reliable statistics could be offered. Therefore, the author can’t(can not) convince me that Whirlwind will reverse its sales decrease.
  In sum, the increase of sales may be affected by many factors .The author can’t() simply draws prediction from these unconvincing statistic and assumption. To strengthen it, the author must provide more materials such as clear statistics which can show that Whirlwind’s video-games would be attractive to 10 to 25 years old players due to their better lifelike graphics, convincing evidence to justify that Whirlwind’s video-games are competitive and would sell better in the market and so on.
有一些拼写和句子错误，再注意一些。点写的不错

kckUID: 2214868

In this editorial, the author predicts that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. However, the author’s prediction is based on some flawed reasons, which I would argue in the following paragraphs.
   Firstly, the survey, based on which the author begins his reasoning, may not be reliable enough to justify that players prefer video-games that provide better lifelike graphics more than other games. No evidence shows that the respondents are representatives of all groups of players. Maybe only those players with up-to-data computers participate in this survey. In addition, the survey may only list a few alternatives for respondents to choose, which may affect the final result. If either of the two is the case, the author's prediction would be unconvincing accordingly.
   Secondly, Even if the survey is well conducted and is valid, which means that Whirlwind’s new video-games are attractive, there are many other alternatives to affect the sales of a video-game. Such reasons may contain price, trends among players, plot of games, type of games, market competition, government’s regulation, and so forth. Perhaps other game companies also publish similar games at the same time but in a low price. Then players are more likely to choose that their products.  With out ruling out these reasons, the author can hardly justify that Whirlwind's games will sell better in the market and therefore increase Whirlwind’s sales.
Thirdly, the author implicits that the advertising campaign ,which mainly aim at people 10 to 25 years old ,will attract players who are the potential clients effectively. To justify this, the author simply assumes that 10 to 25 years old people belong to the group that prefer games with better lifelike graphics. However, no relative support to this assumption is mentioned in the editorial. The effect of the advertising may not be so far-reaching unless such reliable statistics could be provided. Therefore, the author can’t convince me that Whirlwind will reverse its sales decrease.
  In sum, the increase of sales may be affected by many factors .The author can’t simply draws prediction from these unconvincing statistic and assumption. To strengthen it, the author must provide more materials such as clear statistics which can show that Whirlwind’s video-games would be attractive to 10 to 25 years old players due to their better lifelike graphics, convincing evidence that can justify that Whirlwind’s video-games are competitive and would be popular in the market and so on.

zqznedUID: 2114587

原来兄台你就是一切皆空啊，晕！
名不一样，汗！以后就知道了！
写的很好，要向你多学习啊！

exp03UID: 2158827

嗯 很好 交得很早！

风中尘埃UID: 164965

In this editorial, the author predicts that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. However, the author’s prediction is based on some flawed reasons, which I would argue in the following paragraphs.
   Firstly, the survey, based on which the author begins his reasoning, may not be reliable enough to justify that players prefer video-games that provide better lifelike graphics more than other games.[这句写得很好] No evidence shows that the respondents are representatives of all groups of players. Maybe only those players with up-to-data computers participate in this survey. In addition, the survey may only list a few alternatives for respondents to choose, which may affect the final result. If either of the two is the case, the author's prediction would be unconvincing accordingly.[窃以为argument很短，是不可能把调查说到无法反驳的程度的，所以只要说到调查，所谓代表性问题就能说上几句。只是不知道这样做和分数间的关系是正相关还是负相关]
   Secondly, Even if the survey is well conducted and is valid, which means that Whirlwind’s new video-games are attractive, there are many other alternatives to affect the sales of a video-game. Such reasons may contain price, trends among players, plot of games, type of games, market competition, government’s regulation, and so forth. Perhaps other game companies also publish similar games at the same time but in a low price. Then players are more likely to choose that[不需要that] their products.  With out ruling out these reasons, the author can hardly justify that Whirlwind's games will sell better in the market and therefore increase Whirlwind’s sales.
Thirdly, the author implicits[implicates] that the advertising campaign ,which mainly aim at people 10 to 25 years old ,will attract players who are the potential clients effectively. To justify this, the author simply assumes that 10 to 25 years old people belong to the group that prefer games with better lifelike graphics. However, no relative support to this assumption is mentioned in the editorial. The effect of the advertising may not be so far-reaching unless such reliable statistics could be provided. Therefore, the author can’t convince me that Whirlwind will reverse its sales decrease.
  In sum, the increase of sales may be affected by many factors .The author can’t simply draws prediction from these unconvincing statistic and assumption. To strengthen it, the author must provide more materials such as clear statistics which can show that Whirlwind’s video-games would be attractive to 10 to 25 years old players due to their better lifelike graphics, convincing evidence that can justify that Whirlwind’s video-games are competitive and would be popular in the market and so on.