Argument147 FLY AW小组第一次作业（424字）

夜一UID: 2130338

谢谢大家指教：）

Argument147  第7篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：60分43秒     200 words
从2006年4月18日7时45分到2006年4月18日8时60分
------题目------
The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
'Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months.'
------题纲------
thesis: To support this conclusion, the magazine refers to a recent survey and Whirlwind's activities. Unfortunately, neither the former nor the latter can powerfully back it up.

1. the survey has not established any simple relationships between lifelike graphics and video game sales. As the characteristics of Whirlwind's video games have not been described, whether such games can achieve good sales remains a question.

2. no evidence indicates that people 10 to 25 years old, who have been recommended such video games by Whirlswind, like games with lifelike graphics.

3. no extra information shows that the declination of Whirlwind's video game sales is directly related to the forms of products.

conclusion: it is difficult to say that with its current efforts, Whirlwind can improve its video game sales.
------正文------
The business magazine asserts that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To support this conclusion, the magazine refers to a recent survey and Whirlwind's activities. Unfortunately, neither the former nor the latter can powerfully back it up.

First of all, the survey has not established any simple relationships between lifelike graphics and video game sales. According to the magazine, video-game players have been asked about the most important attribute in a video game, and their answer is lifelike graphics. However, the popularity of video games is influenced by many other factors except appearance, such as price and excitement. If a video game is expensive, for example, the one mentioned in the magazine, which requires the most up-to-date computers, but of poor excitement, no matter how many lifelike graphics it includes, a perfect sale is obviously unreachable. As the characteristics of Whirlwind's video games have not been described, whether such games can achieve good sales remains a question.

Besides, no evidence indicates that people 10 to 25 years old, who have been recommended such video games by Whirlswind, like games with lifelike graphics. The magazine has not mentioned the basic conditions of those players having taken part in the survey. If most of them are not exactly 10 to 25 years old, it cannot be expected that such games will be accepted by people within this age range. At least, such games demand the most advanced computers, which cannot be easily afforded by teenagers. Additionally, whether those in the survey can represent the vast majority of players is unknown. Do they come from different areas? If most of them live in a certain region, it is impossible to predict whether the extensive advertising campaign conducted by Whirlwind is efficient.

Additionally, no extra information shows that the declination of Whirlwind's video game sales is directly related to the forms of products. They may have not had good management and transportation supplies, which are essential to build market. They may have been facing powerful adversaries, who have always been performing better than them. Whirlwind's declination is not able to be revised by change game styles, unless it is exactly the main cause of poor sales.

In conclusion, it is uncertain whether the games provided by Whirlwind can attract customers, especially people 10 to 25 years old, and if the previous poor sales of Whirlwind was due to game styles. Therefore, it is difficult to say that with its current efforts, Whirlwind can improve its video game sales.

[ 本帖最后由 夜一 于 2006-5-18 16:34 编辑 ]

xmbjowlUID: 2182375

修改
The business magazine asserts that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To support this conclusion, the magazine refers to a recent survey and Whirlwind's activities. Unfortunately, neither the former nor the latter can powerfully back it up.

First of all, the survey has not established any simple relationships between lifelike graphics and video game sales. According to the magazine, video-game players have been asked about the most important attribute in a video game, and their answer is lifelike graphics. However, the popularity of video games is influenced by many other factors except appearance, such as price and excitement. If a video game is expensive, for example, the one mentioned in the magazine, which requires the most up-to-date computers, but of poor excitement, no matter how many lifelike graphics it includes, a perfect sale is obviously unreachable(unattainable). As the characteristics of Whirlwind's video games have not been described, whether such games can achieve good sales remains a question.

Besides, no evidence indicates that people 10 to 25 years old, who have been recommended such video games by Whirlswind(拼写), like games with lifelike graphics. The magazine has not mentioned the basic conditions of those players having taken part in the survey. If most of them are not exactly 10 to 25 years old, it cannot be expected that such games will be accepted by people within this age range. At least, such games demand the most advanced computers, which cannot be easily afforded by teenagers. Additionally, whether those in the survey can represent the vast majority of players is unknown. Do they come from different areas? If most of them live in a certain region, it is impossible to predict whether the extensive advertising campaign conducted by Whirlwind is efficient.

Additionally, no extra information shows that the declination of Whirlwind's video game sales is directly related to the forms of products. They may have not had good management and transportation supplies, which are essential to build a market. They may have been facing powerful adversaries, who have always been performing better than them. Whirlwind's declination is not able to be revised by simply changing game styles, unless it is exactly the main cause of poor sales.

In conclusion, it is uncertain(doubtful) whether the games provided by Whirlwind can attract customers, especially people 10 to 25 years old, and if the previous poor sales of Whirlwind was due to game styles. Therefore, it is difficult(有点牵强)unwarranted to say that with/through its current efforts, Whirlwind can improve its video game sales.

exp03UID: 2158827

In conclusion, it is uncertain whether the games provided by Whirlwind can attract customers, especially people 10 to 25 years old, and if还是用whether比较好 the previous poor sales of Whirlwind was due to game styles. Therefore, it is difficult to say that with its current efforts, Whirlwind can improve its video game sales.
424字
条理清楚语言流畅值得学习!
看了半天就觉得那一点不是很舒服…还向请教一下像我写的那些批评这类游戏不好玩之类的(原文中说调查的是所有玩家但是只把游戏推荐给了年轻人他们有可能不喜欢这类游戏)是不是没抓住主要攻击点?文章里举实例多好不好?谢了.

[ 本帖最后由 exp03 于 2006-5-18 14:43 编辑 ]

夜一UID: 2130338

谢谢xmbjowl和exp03帮我修改文章
关于exp03的问题，其实原文的调查里根本没有提到调查的是哪一类人，所以只要直接从被调查的人和10-25岁的人之间没有必然联系破题就可以了，不能确定后这是否和前者一样认为生动的画面重要，所以这些游戏对他们不一定有吸引力，我的第二点写的就是这个
不知道这样是否算是回答了你的问题呢？

xmbjowlUID: 2182375

跟夜一说一下，不好意思，文章从word粘过来时，红色的字都变成黑的了。。。

zqznedUID: 2114587

The business magazine asserts that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To support this conclusion, the magazine refers to a recent survey and Whirlwind's activities. Unfortunately, neither the former nor the latter can powerfully back it up.

First of all, the survey has not established any simple relationship between lifelike graphics and video game sales. According to the magazine, video-game players have been asked about the most important attribute in a video game, and their answer is lifelike graphics. However, the popularity of video games is influenced by many other factors except appearance, such as price and excitement. If a video game is expensive, for example, the one mentioned in the magazine, which requires the most up-to-date computers, but of poor excitement, no matter how many lifelike graphics it includes, a perfect sale is obviously unreachable. As the characteristics of Whirlwind's video games have not been described, whether such games can achieve good sales remains a question.

Besides, no evidence indicates that people 10 to 25 years old, who have been recommended such video games by Whirlswind, like games with lifelike graphics. The magazine has not mentioned the basic conditions of those players having taken part in the survey. If most of them are not exactly 10 to 25 years old, it can not be expected that such games will be accepted by people within this age range. At least, such games demand the most advanced computers, which can not be easily afforded by teenagers. Additionally, whether those in the survey can represent the vast majority of players is unknown. Do they come from different areas? If most of them live in a certain region, it is impossible to predict whether the extensive advertising campaign conducted by Whirlwind is efficient.

Additionally, no extra information shows that the declination of Whirlwind's video game sales is directly related to the forms of products. They may have not had good management and transportation supplies, which are essential to build market. They may have been facing powerful adversaries, who have always been performing better than them. Whirlwind's declination is not able to be revised by change game styles, unless it is exactly the main cause of poor sales.

In conclusion, it is uncertain whether the games provided by Whirlwind can attract customers, especially people 10 to 25 years old, and if the previous poor sales of Whirlwind was due to game styles. Therefore, it is difficult to say that with its current efforts, Whirlwind can improve its video game sales.
改动不大，感觉很值得学习啊！

夜一UID: 2130338

xmbjowl 不用介意，改动的地方还是看得很清楚的，谢谢啦~
我的那个拼写错误亚，汗。。总是不能根除呢。。。

也谢谢zqzned：）
我刚刚改完exp03的文，在最后小总结了一下这道题目，希望能对大家有点用处
呵呵，我自己写的时候完全是没有章法的，改完exp03的文就都清楚了

[ 本帖最后由 夜一 于 2006-5-18 16:53 编辑 ]

夜一UID: 2130338

今天太忙了，没有时间写了，只好之列提纲了

Argument180  第7篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：0分2秒     0 words
从2006年4月18日22时32分到2006年4月18日22时0分
------题目------
The following is a recommendation from the personnel director to the president of Acme Publishing Company.
'Many other companies have recently stated that having their employees take the Easy Read Speed-Reading Course has greatly improved productivity. One graduate of the course was able to read a five-hundred-page report in only two hours; another graduate rose from an assistant manager to vice president of the company in under a year. Obviously, the faster you can read, the more information you can absorb in a single workday. Moreover, Easy Read costs only $500 per employee—a small price to pay when you consider the benefits to Acme. Included in this fee is a three-week seminar in Spruce City and a lifelong subscription to the Easy Read newsletter. Clearly, Acme would benefit greatly by requiring all of our employees to take the Easy Read course.'
------分析------
1. Many other companies have stated that having their employees take the course has improved productivity;
2. Two graduates’ situations = the faster you can read, the more information you can absorb in a single work day;
3. Acme would benefit by requiring all of their employees to take the course
------题纲------
1.What companies have taken the course? Publishing companies?
2.Two graduates cannot represent the vast majority. Absorbing information is not only determined by reading speed.
3.Even if such courses are helpful, need all employees take such courses? At least, $500 per person is a remarkable amount of money.

夜一UID: 2130338

Argument205  第7篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：0分3秒     0 words
从2006年4月18日23时7分到2006年4月18日23时0分
------题目------
The following appeared in a recommendation from the president of Amburg's Chamber of Commerce.
'Last October the city of Belleville installed high intensity lighting in its central business district, and vandalism there declined almost immediately. The city of Amburg has recently begun police patrols on bicycles in its business district but the rate of vandalism there remains constant. Since high intensity lighting is apparently the most effective way to combat crime, we should install such lighting throughout Amburg. By reducing crime in this way, we can revitalize the declining neighborhoods in our city.'
------分析------
1.        Belleville installed high intensity lighting and vandalism there declined immediately = high intensity lighting is effective in Belleville;
2.        high intensity lighting is effective in Belleville = such method is effective in Amburg = we can reduce vandalism
3.        we can reduce vandalism = we can reduce crime = revitalize the declining neighborhoods
------题纲------
1.        high intensity lighting does not equal to vandalism declination: other contemporary activities
2.        what effective in Belleville may not effective in Amburg
3.        vandalism is just part of crime
4.        the main course of neighborhood declination is not mentioned

夜一UID: 2130338

比较偷懒的提纲，大家请见谅，改天有时间一定把这篇好好写写

Issue54  第7篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：0分2秒     0 words
从2006年4月18日22时6分到2006年4月18日22时0分
------题目------
History teaches us only one thing: knowing about the past cannot help people to make important decisions today.
------题纲------
Thesis: History teaches us many things, such as the evolvement of humanity, society, knowledge, and technology, the works of literary, music, sculpture, and painting, and furthermore, the fact that knowing about the past can help people to make important decisions today.

1.Successes in the past help people to choose efficient ways when making important decisions.
2.Failings in the past help people to avoid potential mistakes when making important decisions.
3.Processes in the past help people to deal with complex situations when making important decisions.

Conclusion: Knowing about the past can help people to make important decisions today.

[ 本帖最后由 夜一 于 2006-5-18 23:26 编辑 ]

夜一UID: 2130338

请大家多多指教，谢谢：）


Argument147  第7篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：36分5秒     331 words
从2006年4月19日8时30分到2006年4月19日9时36分
------题目------
The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
'Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months.'
------正文------
In the editorial the business magazine asserts that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months, according to a survey and Whirlwind recent activities. However, neither the former nor the latter can powerfully support this point of view.

First of all, the survey has not demonstrated any absolute relationships between lifelike graphics and video game sales. In the survey, the players have been only asked about the most important attribute of video games. Although their answer is lifelike graphics, it is not sure whether their choices only depend on this characteristic, which is included in Whirlwind's products. Probably not. Generally speaking, game product sales also depend other factors, including prize, excitement, as well as music. Unfortunately, these propoties are not mentioned about Whirlwind's products. At least, the most up-to-date computers, which are required by such games, are rather expensive, acting as a disadvatage. If such games are not perfect in excitement and music, no matter how vivid the lifelike graphics are, they are not likely to become popular.

Besides, no evidence indicates that people 10 to 25 years old, who have been recommended such games by Whirlwind, are interested in lifelike graphics. The age range of players having taken part in the survey is not mentioned. If most of them are not 10 to 25 years old, Whirlwind's extensive advertising campaign is not likely to be efficient. Moreover, such young people probably cannot afford the most advanced computers, a requirement of lifelike graphic video games. Therefore, whether these young customer will be attracted by such games remains a question.

Additionally, it is uncertain whether a new product can revise Whirlwind's declination in the past two years. The main cause of poor sales has not been examined. Probably there have been other forms of entertainment or other video companies which have become the focus of the majority. If their advantage is not lifelike graphics, whether such games can defeat those adversaries is also an unknown question.

In conclusion, it is not clear whether Whirlwind's video games, which are only mentioned of lifelike graphics, can attract customers, especially people 10 to 25 years old, and whether Whirlwind's two-year declination can be simply revised by this kind of new products. As a result, it is unsubstantiated to claim that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase immediately.

exp03UID: 2158827

In the editorial the business magazine asserts that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months, according to a survey and Whirlwind recent activities. However, neither the former nor the latter can powerfully support this point of view.

First of all, the survey has not demonstrated any absolute relationships between lifelike graphics and video game sales. In the survey, the players have been only asked about the most important attribute of video games. Although their answer is lifelike graphics, it is not sure whether their choices only depend on this characteristic, which is included in Whirlwind's products. Probably not. Generally speaking, game product sales also depend on other factors, including prize, excitement, as well as music. Unfortunately, these properties are not mentioned about Whirlwind's products. At least, the most up-to-date computers, which are required by such games, are rather expensive, acting as a disadvantage. If such games are not perfect in excitement and music如果换成整地状况而不只是举这两个例子会不会显得更严密一些, no matter how vivid the lifelike graphics are, they are not likely to become popular.

Besides, no evidence indicates that people 10 to 25 years old, who have been recommended such games by Whirlwind, are interested in lifelike graphics. The age range of players having taken part in the survey is not mentioned. If most of them are not 10 to 25 years old（if only few 10-25 years old people took part in the survey这样写是不是更顺一些）, Whirlwind's extensive advertising campaign is not likely to be efficient. Moreover, such young people probably cannot afford the most advanced computers, a requirement of lifelike graphic video games. Therefore, whether these young customers will be attracted by such games remains a question.

Additionally, it is uncertain whether a new product can revise(reverse) Whirlwind's declination in the past two years. The main cause of poor sales has not been examined. Probably there have been other forms of entertainment or other video companies which have become the focus of the majority. If their(指代不明，是说w公司的话应该是单数) advantage is not lifelike graphics, whether such games can defeat those adversaries is also an unknown question.

In conclusion, it is not clear whether Whirlwind's video games, which are only mentioned of lifelike graphics, can attract customers, especially people 10 to 25 years old, and whether Whirlwind's two-year declination can be simply revised by this kind of new products. As a result, it is unsubstantiated to claim that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase immediately.

觉得survey调查的人的范围还是值得攻击一下

夜一UID: 2130338

谢谢exp03~
其实survey的调查人群是已经攻击了的，就在于于10-25岁人群的相关性
因为广告之针对10-25岁的人，所以如果说survey没有覆盖所有玩家是没用的，只有说survey中的人并非10-25岁才有用
不过，survey的地理覆盖范围可以提一下，但是考虑到关系不大，而且要节省时间，所以就放弃了，毕竟30分钟的作文不可能面面俱到，只能抓住重点

夜一UID: 2130338

Argument34  第7篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：0分2秒     0 words
从2006年4月19日17时50分到2006年4月19日17时0分
------题目------
Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium, substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore believe that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease in which the bones weaken significantly with age and that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors. But a long-term study of a large number of people has found that those who have consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are a symptom of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
------分析------
1.People who have consistently consumed dairy products have a higher rate of bone fractures than others = dairy products cause bone fractures
2.Bone fractures are a symptom of osteoporosis = dairy products cause osteoporosis
------题纲------
1.A higher rate of bone fractures does not equal to a correspondingly higher rate of osteoporosis, as the former is only a symptom of the latter. Besides osteoporosis, other factors, such as physical injures and traffic accidents, also make bone fractures happen. However, these factors have not been mentioned by the author. Probably those who have consistently consumed dairy products live areas of heavy traffic, and thus experience more dangerous traffic situations. Perhaps they take such careers as policemen or building workers, who are more likely to be injured during working time. As the living and working conditions of anticipants are not known, it is unverified to claim that all bone fractures are related to osteoporosis. Therefore, the existence of the relationship between dairy products and osteoporosis is doubtful.
2.Even if most bone fractures in the study are related to osteoporosis, no evidence indicates that these bone fractures are induces by dairy products. According to the author, osteoporosis is linked to age as well as environmental and genetic factors. Unfortunately, the author only states that people consuming dairy products have a higher rate of bone fractures, but other relevant characteristics of participants are completely ignored. For people who consume dairy products consistently, they may be older, live in areas short of vegetables containing vitamin D or drinking water rich in calcium, or inherit osteoporosis from their parents, and thus their bones are weaker than others.

夜一UID: 2130338

Issue99  第7篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：0分3秒     0 words
从2006年4月19日18时43分到2006年4月19日18时0分
------题目------
In any realm of life—whether academic, social, business, or political—the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options.
------分析------
Key words:
  Practical: Of, relating to, governed by, or acquired through practice or action, rather than theory, speculation, or ideals;
  Idealistic: Of, relating to, or having the nature of an idealist or idealism;
  Pragmatic: Dealing or concerned with facts or actual occurrences; practical;
  Idealism: The act or practice of envisioning things in an ideal form.
Questions:
1.Does pragmatic behavior guarantee survival?
2.Is the only way to succeed is to take a practical point of view?
Answer:
  No, it is not the only way to succeed, though it guarantees survival.
------题纲------
1.In academic realm, though pragmatic behavior ensures grades and supplies, idealists are able to maintain a endurable enthusiasm in study and make great achievements.
2.In social and business fields, though pragmatic behavior guarantees productivity and profits, idealists are able to keep themselves optimistic and energetic.
3.In public domain, though pragmatic behavior ensures election and efficiency, idealists are able to impress the vast majority of ordinary people, and thus induce revolutions and innovations.