issue7 FLY AW 小组第三次作业

xmbjowlUID: 2182375

As the electronic technology is developing rapidly, various new kinds of facilities, off-springs of the science and technology, have rushed into humanity’s daily life. The video camera, this newly-developed magic machine, did own its significant merits and change our life dramatically. And to some extent, it can indeed dwarf the written records. However, the author overstates the importance of the video camera in terms of documentation.
As for written records, the ordinary manner of documenting has its irreplaceable advantages. And these inherent advantages explains why written records have been handed down generation by generation, having played an exclusive role in documenting historical events for a long period.   
In the first place, historical events, which are documented by writing, can be wholly preserved, with every detailed and in-depth information on paper. Compared with the traditional manner of documentation, the video camera can only catch the pieces of an event, which cannot retain the integrity of information regarding a single event. Since video camera is usually limited by time and space, the amount of information kept by the high-tech appliance would be inevitably(ineluctable/unavoidable) limited.
In the second place, the cost of documenting by writing is much lower than that of video camera. Consider that every ordinary individual can easily write down everything happening everyday , yet only a little portion of person have accesses to using video camera as a tool to catch pieces of events, because owning and maintaining a video camera requires much more money than just keeping a piece of paper and a pen at hand does.

At the same time, we should not overlook the particular advantages of the video camera, as a measure of documenting. It is beyond doubt that the information grasped by video camera is more vivid and fresh, through which we can make the particular event recur. After all, the real image can sometimes produce a much deeper impression in the audience, lasting and digested for a long time in their minds.

Additionally, the video camera has another equally important merit that the information kept by video camera is less likely to be influenced by the one who take record and the one who  interpret it. It is commonly acknowledged that different individuals have different values and believes, thus may have totally different views toward the entirely same event. And this unique view will surely be mirrored in the records written by the very person, yet at the same time the objectivity is missing.

However, we cannot say whether the video camera or the written records is more important than the other in that each one has its irreplaceable merits and values. Our modern society is characterized by diversity and coexistence. Even in a single field, human-beings also need various implements, which can thus complement each other, facilitating and benefiting not only this generation but also their decedents. Imagine that, decades of years from now, our grandchildren sit in front of the television, indulged in the excellent performance of Michael Jordan, who assume the part of the public idol of our times, while at the time digesting a book casually concerning how to be a successful man both in his professional field and in his personal values. Our times would be viewed and treasured by later generations, due to both the video camera and written records. Undoubtedly, the two useful utilities can both contribute to documenting valuable historical events, enhance the development of the humankind.

exp03UID: 2158827

As the electronic technology is developing rapidly, various new kinds of facilities, off-springs of the science and technology, have rushed into humanity’s daily life. The video camera, this newly-developed magic machine, did（强调要用过去式吗？） own its significant merits and change our life dramatically. And to some extent, it can indeed dwarf the written records. However, the author overstates the importance of the video camera in terms of documentation.
As for written records, the ordinary manner of documenting has its irreplaceable advantages. And these inherent advantages explain why written records have been handed down generation by generation, having played an exclusive role in documenting historical events for a long period.   
In the first place, historical events, which are documented by writing, can be wholly preserved, with every detail and in-depth information on paper. Compared with the traditional manner of documentation, the video camera can only catch the pieces of an event, which cannot retain the integrity of information regarding a single event. Since video camera is usually limited by time and space, the amount of information kept by the high-tech appliance would be inevitably(ineluctable/unavoidable) limited.
个人感觉这两个方面说明不是很有效，感觉很容易被推翻，要完整记录一个事件只要舍得花胶卷肯定用录像的方法更好，比如运动会。还有history record好像和后面不是contemporary吧。
In the second place, the cost of documenting by writing is much lower than that of video camera. Consider that every ordinary individual can easily write down everything happening everyday , yet only a little portion of person have accesses to using video camera as a tool to catch pieces of events, because owning and maintaining a video camera requires much more money than just keeping a piece of paper and a pen at hand does.
夜一说我写的钱的方面不好，说如果有其他可说的就尽量不要扯到钱上。但我觉得这是可以说得能说服人的一个地方。但我的思路跟你不一样，我是从录像基本上都是记录的富人的生活，穷人因为用不起这种记录工具在这个时代下他们的life就不能被记录下来，因此影响了录像对生活记录的accurate.
at the same time给人的感觉是转折不明显，不能引起读者足够的重视At the same time, we should not overlook the particular advantages of the video camera, as a measure of documenting.感觉这句话很空，没有内容 It is beyond doubt that the information grasped by video camera is more vivid and fresh, through which we can make the particular event recur. After all, the real image can sometimes produce a much deeper impression in the audience, lasting and digested for a long time in their minds.

Additionally, the video camera has another equally important merit that the information kept by video camera is less likely to be influenced by the one who take record and the one who interprets it.想说公正就直接说公正，is后面的表语在主题句中显得细节化而使主题不够鲜明，而且与本段部分内容有重复 It is commonly acknowledged that different individuals have different values and believes, thus may have totally different views toward the entirely same event. And this unique view will surely be mirrored in the records written by the very person, yet at the same time the objectivity is missing.

However, we cannot say whether the video camera or the written records is more important than the other absolutely我觉得加上后显得逻辑上完整 in that each one has its irreplaceable merits and values. Our modern society is characterized by diversity and coexistence. Even in a single field, human-beings also need various implements, which can thus complement each other, facilitating and benefiting not only this generation but also their decedents. Imagine that, decades of years from now, our grandchildren sit in front of the television, indulged in the excellent performance of Michael Jordan, who assumes the part of the public idol of our times, while at the time digesting a book casually concerning how to be a successful man both in his professional field and in his personal values. Our times would be viewed and treasured by later generations, due to both the video camera and written records. Undoubtedly, the two useful utilities can both contribute to documenting valuable historical events and两个动词间要用连词连接 enhance the development of the humankind.

整片文章的结构很清晰，语言也很不错，但要注意动词三人称单数，错了好几处。

[ 本帖最后由 exp03 于 2006-5-23 14:56 编辑 ]

xmbjowlUID: 2182375

关于夜一说的钱的方面不宜多提，我的理解是不要过多地谈到贫富差距，可能会涉及到发展中国家以及发达国家的背景问题，成本文题倒是可以谈，不过我也承认这方面我论证的不够充分，我在想办法改进一下:p

夜一UID: 2130338

不是拉
我是觉得，这样的问题，明显是要比较两者的作用
钱的问题不是不能说，而是助益不大，怎么说呢，就是深度不够吧
要是有别的有深度有内涵的可以说，就把钱这个方面的省掉也无所谓

xmbjowlUID: 2182375

Issue7
修改稿，感觉当时写的很不满意的说
"The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

We live in the times when scientific inventions emerge continuously, various technologies have influenced and changed our humanities’ everyday life. Like video camera, a newly-developed marvelous machine in the past few decades, does make a more accurate and convincing record of contemporary life available than written records. However, the author overemphasizes the importance of the video camera in terms of documantaion. From the perspective of mine, I hold the viewpoint that both of them have their irreplaceable and equally important role in documenting contemporary life.

As for written records, the ordinary manner of documenting has its apparent advantages. On the one hand, because written records would not be limited by time and locus, the unexpected events could be more easily tracked on the paper. Compared with the traditional manner of documentation, the video camera can only catch the pieces of an event, which cannot keep the integrity of information of a event. Since video camera is usually restricted by objective factors, the amount of information kept by the high-tech appliance would be inevitably(ineluctable/unavoidable) limited.
这段写的非常不成功，立论就立的没有说服力，真想给删掉~可结合下面是此段丰满
Easy to read, widely possessed by individuals，说白了就是方便
还可从系统性，主观性，普及性上入手。（如下端）书面记录是人的主观意识与客观事件相结合的产物。这种意识的总结，强调，和概括作用。从camera中看到的是pure reality, 但从writtern record 中看到的是thoughts.然后阐述thoughts 的力量，主观能动性。
In some domains, the video camera is not likely to catch up with written records. The objective video camera is used to reproduce, whereas the comparatively subjective written records are used to emphasize and conclude. Written records combine the original information with people's thoughts, tendencies, and intentions, and then become understandings, theories, and standard rules, rather than pure data. Unlike rudimentary information offered by video cameras, written information reflects people's spiritual status, and contributes to the study of philosophy, psychology, society, and humanity.
我又产生思路了，书面记录能引发人更深层次的思考，review whenever they want, communicate with the thoughts conveyed by the written records.
再直白的记录都是经过人脑整理的，是intelligence 的体现， 而video camera是机器的成果，未经加工

At the same time, we should not overlook the advantages of the video camera in documenting. It is beyond doubt that the information grasped by video camera is more vivid and fresh, and notes the events or phenomenon which are variable and go on quickly.可以更生动精确地记录短暂易逝的事物。比如舞蹈，篮球，足球射门R.Baggio. The real image can sometimes produce a much deeper impression in the audience, lasting and digested for a long time in their minds.
这段也看不下去了，当年写的一点逻辑性都没有。。。

However, we cannot say whether the video camera or the written records is more important than the other in that each one has its irreplaceable merits and values.还不如直接说二者一样重要 Our modern society is characterized by diversity and coexistence. Even in a single field, human-beings also need various implements, which can thus complement each other, facilitating and benefiting not only this generation but also their decedents. Imagine that, decades of years from now, our grandchildren sit in front of the television, indulged in the excellent performance of Michael Jordan, who assume the part of the public idol of our times, while at the time digesting a book casually concerning how to be a successful man both in his professional field and in his personal values. Our times would be viewed and treasured by later generations, due to both the video camera and written records. Undoubtedly, the two useful utilities can both contribute to documenting valuable historical events, enhance the development of the humankind.
最后一段应该精简，作为结论段。但表达的还是可以的