Argument25 黄金十二宫作文小组第一次作业

bhnUID: 2177959

"Two years ago, the town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. The best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View."
(10:37-11:27 50mins 393words)
outlines:
A' the arguer fails to convince me that the success Ocean View attained are attributable to the municipal golf course and resort hotel built two years ago.

B' Even granting that the attainment Ocean View got is result form the Golf course and resort hotel built two yearly ago, it is still uncertain that Hopewell could get the same attainment simply by following Ocean View's example

c' fail to consider other measures

Considering that the town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel, and since then become more prosperous, the arguer concludes that Hopewell should follow Ocean View's  example in order to get improvement in its economy and increment in the tax revenues. However, I found this argument  flawed in many critical aspects.

To begin with, the arguer fails to convince me that the success Ocean View attained: increasing tourism, newly opened-business,30 percent-increased revenues are attributable to the municipal golf course and resort hotel built two years ago. Admittedly, it might be accountable for the attainment, but without solid evidence to support it, it is entirely possible that some other causes such as newly-built park that is attractive to the tourist, policies aimed at attracting new business, improvement in the fundamental facilities, prosperity of the whole economic environment, rather than the golf course and resort hotel mentioned above result in the success of Ocean View. Without considering and ruling out these possibilities, the arguer cannot make any convincing recommendation based on the example of Ocean View.

Next, Even granting that the attainment Ocean View got is result form the Golf course and resort hotel built two yearly ago, it is still uncertain that Hopewell could get the same attainment simply by following Ocean View's example with specific information concerning neither Ocean View nor Hopewell. what if Ocean View is an tourism town that have many tourism resources while Hopewell is an industrial town that have no tourism spots and the location of it is very poor? What if Howell have already got enough golf courses and resort hotel to meet, or even exceed the demand of customers. Any of these scenarios, if true, would serve to undermine the conclusion.

Last, even assuming that following Ocean View's example could improve Hopewell's economy and further increase its revenues, it is premature to conclude that it is the best way without considering other policies such as inviting excellent staff to the town government, improving economical structure, etc.

In sum, the argument is not well reasoned as it stands. To bolster it, evidence that could demonstrate that the newly-built golf and resort hotel is actually the cause of the increasing tourism, newly-built economy must be provided. To better assess it , I need  detailed information of the two cities, and the analysis of the effectiveness of other measures that might arrive at the aim mentioned.

[ 本帖最后由 bhn 于 2006-5-24 16:29 编辑 ]

njutleeUID: 2179673

第一个交作业，赞！  号召大家学习！

大洋彼岸的梦想UID: 2209150

Considering that the town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course（court） and resort hotel, and since then(无主语) become more prosperous, the arguer concludes that Hopewell should follow Ocean View's  example(step) in order to get improvement in its economy and increment in the tax revenues. However, I found this argument flawed in many critical aspects.

To begin with, the arguer fails to convince me that the success Ocean View attained: increasing tourism, newly opened-business（这个有点问题，应该是newly opened business）, 30 percent-increased revenues are attributable to the municipal golf course and resort hotel built two years ago. Admittedly, it might be accountable for the attainment, but without solid evidence to support it, it is entirely possible that some other causes such as (a) newly-built park that is attractive to the tourist(s), policies aimed at attracting new business, improvement in the fundamental facilities, prosperity of the whole economic environment, rather than the golf course and resort hotel mentioned above result in the success of Ocean View.(感觉多余了，因为你上文已经有cause了) Without considering and ruling out these possibilities, the arguer cannot make any convincing recommendation based on the example of Ocean View.

Next, Even granting that the attainment Ocean View got is result form（from:O这么低级的错误也犯的！） the Golf course and resort hotel built two yearly ago, it is still uncertain that Hopewell could get the same attainment simply by following Ocean View's example(step) with specific information concerning neither Ocean View nor Hopewell. What if Ocean View is a tourism town that have (has) many tourism resources while Hopewell is an industrial town that have (has)no tourism spots and the location of it is very poor? What if Howell have(has) already got enough golf courses(courts) and resort hotel(s) to meet, or even exceed the demand of customers. Any of these scenarios, if true, would serve to undermine the conclusion.

Last, even assuming that following Ocean View's example(step) could improve Hopewell's economy and further increase its revenues, it is premature to conclude that it is the best way without considering other policies such as inviting excellent staff to the town government, improving economical structure, etc.

In sum, the argument is not well reasoned as it stands. To bolster it, evidence that could demonstrate that the newly built golf and resort hotel is actually the cause of the increasing tourism, newly built economy must be provided. To better assess it, I need detailed information of the two cities, and the analysis of the effectiveness of other measures that might arrive at the aim mentioned.
   我很喜欢你的文章的，文章攻击力很强，词汇没有用很多但是很活。但是问题就是你的低级错误太多~认真一点，很有前途的....

[ 本帖最后由 大洋彼岸的梦想 于 2006-5-25 07:19 编辑 ]

bhnUID: 2177959

原题中就使用的course呀， a new municipal golf course
关于主语的那个问题，我原来意思是and since then后面跟前面是一个句子since then只是插入语，不知道这样行不行。
为什我还是总反这种低级错误，唉，从一开始就是这样。

大洋彼岸的梦想UID: 2209150

不好意思，还改错了~~那个since then，我们还是等组内讨论吧，可能看的东西少了点，我没看到过这种用法的。。。
  以后写好了，多改一下就可以了，你的水平还是很高的，要向你学习:)

微末三月UID: 205072

Considering that the town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course（court） and resort hotel, and since then(无主语)依然觉得没主语,不如and since then it become... become more prosperous, the arguer concludes that Hopewell should follow Ocean View's  example(step) in order to get improvement in its economy and increment in the tax revenues. However, I found this argument flawed in many critical aspects.

To begin with, the arguer fails to convince me that the success Ocean View attained: increasing tourism, newly opened-business（这个有点问题，应该是newly opened business）, 30 percent-increased revenues are attributable to the municipal golf course and resort hotel built two years ago. Admittedly, it might be accountable for the attainment, but without solid evidence to support it,删掉 it is entirely possible that some other causes such as (a) newly-built park that is attractive to the tourist(s), policies aimed at attracting new business, improvement in the fundamental facilities, prosperity of the whole economic environment, rather than the golf course and resort hotel mentioned above result in the success of Ocean View.(感觉多余了，因为你上文已经有cause了) Without considering and ruling out these possibilities, the arguer cannot make any convincing recommendation based on the example of Ocean View.

Next, 吓一跳,真的没见人这么用过,口语开会用的吧..Even granting that the attainment Ocean View got is result form（from这么低级的错误也犯的！） the Golf course and resort hotel built two yearly ago, it is still uncertain that Hopewell could get the same attainment simply by following Ocean View's example(step) with specific information concerning neither Ocean View nor Hopewell. What if Ocean View is a tourism town that have (has) many tourism resources while Hopewell is an industrial town that have (has)no tourism spots and the location of it is very poor? What if Howell have(has) already got enough golf courses(courts) and resort hotel(s) to meet, or even exceed the demand of customers. Any of these scenarios, if true, would serve to undermine the conclusion.

Last, even assuming that following Ocean View's example(step) could improve Hopewell's economy and further increase its revenues, it is premature to conclude that it is the best way without considering other policies such as inviting excellent staff to the town government, improving economical structure, etc. 这一段还可以多写点嘛,多举点例子

In sum, the argument is not well reasoned as it stands. To bolster it, evidence that could demonstrate that the newly built golf and resort hotel is actually the cause of the increasing tourism, newly built economy must be provided. To better assess it, I need detailed information of the two cities, and the analysis of the effectiveness of other measures that might arrive at the aim mentioned.

①流浪的文章跟我一样,XDF的味道好重啊,呵呵... 圣者的意见是要使之更柔和些;②关于联字符的使用要慎重,用好了是很地道的形容词,但是感觉你用的有些怪...建议查查相关语法书

bhnUID: 2177959

看的是新东方的书和网络教程，用的是北美范文，全部都是新东方的，哎，我都快长得像新东方了。慢慢摆脱新东方的框框。