ISSUE228 黄金十二宫-射手第二次作业

bhnUID: 2177959

228:The best way to teach-whether as an educator, employer, or parent-is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones."(14:00-15:41  101mins; 657words)

Outlines:
A’ praising the positive actions is a good way to make the students to have better result
B’ employers could also improve the productivity of employees by helping them build their pride and confidence.
C’ the consequence of constant praising without pointing out the negative actions might be serious.
D’ How to point out the mistakes is also a problem

Education is a heated-discussed issue today and the way to teach is concerned by more and more people. Is it the best way to teach as an educator, employer, or parent to praise the positive actions ,meanwhile, ignore negative ones? Of course, positive actions should be highly praised, however, negative ones should also be pointed out by proper means.

First, praising the positive actions is a good way to make the students to have better result in the form of increasing their confidence, getting them more willing to learn, improve themselves, overcome difficulties and further pursue higher aims. During the first semester of my primary school, I had no concept of what I was like and the level of my learning ability, even what to do at school. But one night at the ending of that term, my mother told me that the teacher considered me as an excellent student. I had never thought myself as an good student let alone an excellent one before. I was greatly encouraged, and have tried my best to be excellent ever since no matter in middle school or in universities, and the result is really good. My example serves well to demonstrate the effect of praising as a kind of encouragement.

Second, employers could also improve the productivity of employees by helping them build their pride and confidence. Everyone like to be praised but not criticized, since anyone being praised would think himself to be ,therefore, have a good mood, get more pleasure in the working process and become more efficient.  Employees always being criticized would not work out with  good results. Almost every modern textbooks of management includes a charter regarding inspirit, one important way of which is praising, because inspirit is so important in improving the efficiency and productivity of work. So we I concede that praising positive actions is a good way of teaching.

Although praising is general considered a good way, however, the consequence of constant praising without pointing out the negative actions might be serious. How can humans improve themselves?  One of the most important steps, without which no progress could be made, lies on the realizing the deficiency and find out where the weak point is. Ignoring the negative actions would do nothing to help no matter the students, employees, children to make progress, thus though the way of ignoring the negative and only concentrating the positive actions, educators cannot expect students to get result; employees cannot expect employees to perform better and increase the profits of the company; parents cannot expect the children to develop healthy and soundly. Could a teacher find one student make a mistake in a math problem and just tell him or her that it is correct simply in order to praise him or her? Could a boss ignore a serious mistake on the financial table made by one employee and just tell him or her that is a good job and continue to trust him or her in the future? Could parents pretend not see that their children steal the toys of the neighbor boys'? Of course, neither educators, employers, nor parents would for fear that the dangerous consequence: educators have to let their students know the right way; employers have to avoid the company  bankrupt; parents expect their children to be a sound man in the future Therefore, educators,  employers, parents should avoid ignore negative actions

How to point out the mistakes is also a problem, considering that  pointing out negative actions of others imperiously or too directly might not be accepted, or even undermine spirit of others. Perhaps when we want to pointing out others mistakes or improper deeds we should begin with praising their positive deeds, and then mention the negative ones by the way. Dale Carnegie  thought this  is a good way to get others to accept advices without hurting their hearts.  

In sum, as  an educator, an employer, or parent, they must grasp the art of both the positive actions and negative actions

[ 本帖最后由 bhn 于 2006-5-24 16:51 编辑 ]

bhnUID: 2177959

可怜呀。

永远的圣者UID: 2182901

Education is a heated-discussed issue today and the way to teach is concerned by more and more people. Is it the best way to teach as an educator, employer, or parent to praise the positive actions ,meanwhile, ignore negative ones? Of course, positive actions should be highly praised, however, negative ones should also be pointed out by proper means.【bhn说我的文章比较文学了一点，实际上我也希望bhn在写I的时候能够柔和一点，这样简洁的开头是很好的，但是在句式的组织和词语的选择方面，可以再考虑一下；最好不要完全照着题目那一段写，应该有适当的改动】

First, praising the positive actions is a good way to make the students to have better result in the form of increasing their confidence, getting them more willing to learn, improve themselves, overcome difficulties and further pursue higher aims. 【语法有一点问题，improve,overcome,pursue应该和increase,get的形式一致】During the first semester of my primary school, I had no concept of what I was like【I liked】 and the level of my learning ability, even what to do at school. 【what从句和一个词组的混用感觉不好】But one night at the ending of that term, my mother told me that the teacher considered me as an excellent student. I had never thought myself as an【a】 good student let alone an excellent one before.【看不太懂】 I was greatly encouraged, and have tried my best to be excellent ever since no matter in middle school or in universities, and the result is really good. My example serves well to demonstrate the effect of praising as a kind of encouragement.
【在开头段作者提到了educator,employer和parent，但是在第一段的开头，作者上来就是student,是不是应该有一个限制的说明；作者举的例子很好，听说ETS喜欢这样的例子，但如果可以和前面那个in the form呼应则更好一些】
Second, employers could also improve the productivity of employees by helping them build their pride and confidence. Everyone like to be praised but not criticized, since anyone being praised would think himself to be 【be what？】,therefore, have a good mood, get more pleasure in the working process and become more efficient.  Employees always being criticized would not work out with good results. Almost every modern textbooks of management includes a charter regarding inspirit, one important way of which is praising, because inspirit is so important in improving the efficiency and productivity of work. So 【we】 I concede that praising positive actions is a good way of teaching.【why teaching?】

Although praising is general considered a good way, however, the consequence of constant praising without pointing out the negative actions might be serious. 【怀疑一下，可以直接consider a good way吗？以及serious虽然有having important or dangerous possible consequences的意思，但是可以这样用吗？】 How can humans improve themselves?  One of the most important steps, without which no progress could be made, lies on the realizing the deficiency and find out where the weak point is. Ignoring the negative actions would do nothing to help no matter the students, employees, children to make progress, thus though the way of ignoring the negative and only concentrating the positive actions, educators cannot expect students to get result; employees cannot expect employees to perform better and increase the profits of the company; parents cannot expect the children to develop healthy and soundly. Could a teacher find one student make a mistake in a math problem and just tell him or her that it is correct simply in order to praise him or her? Could a boss ignore a serious mistake on the financial table made by one employee and just tell him or her that is a good job and continue to trust him or her in the future? Could parents pretend not see that their children steal the toys of the neighbor boys'?【注意，praise positive actions,不是说praise any action】 Of course, neither educators, employers, nor parents would for fear that the dangerous consequence【语法问题】: educators have to let their students know the right way; employers have to avoid the company bankrupt; parents expect their children to be a sound man in the future Therefore, educators, employers, parents should avoid ignore negative actions

How to point out the mistakes is also a problem, considering that pointing out negative actions of others imperiously or too directly might not be accepted, or even undermine spirit of others. 【undermine spirit of others让我有了不好的联想】Perhaps when we want to pointing out others【others’】 mistakes or improper deeds we should begin with praising their positive deeds, and then mention the negative ones by the way. Dale Carnegie thought this is a good way to get others to accept advices without hurting their hearts.  

In sum, as  an educator, an employer, or parent, they must grasp the art of both the positive actions and negative actions【grasp the art 这样的说法是否合适？】

ETS在评价文章的时候往往最看重的是cogent和persuasive与否，同时看重是否insightful, well articulated和control of language，我认为作者在第一项做的很好，但是在后三项中还有提高的空间：
作者在正文第四段中写到How to point out the mistakes is also a problem，但是我们是否也应该说How to praise is also a problem呢，或者是否还有更多的东西能让评委认为insightful呢；
我觉得作者正文第一第二段讲student,讲employee，显然是一个大的问题，这个大的问题是可以和第三第四并列的，如何让我们更清楚地认识到这是一个整体，作者是否也应该考虑一下；
如果说A更展现的是一个人的逻辑，那么I应该说更展现了一个人的文字驾驭能力，同时I也不是一个好出模板的东西，那么作者如何让文章看起来更美，我觉得应该适当地自我训练一下。
另：1。……，however，……这样的句式太多，应该尝试新的句式；2.不喜欢第四段，虽然是最长的，但是比较空
p.s 我这个批改者的水平不高，所以把想说的都写上去了，bhn一定要看看哪些有道理才采纳啊。

永远的圣者UID: 2182901

bhn千万不要生气

bhnUID: 2177959

砖头砸的正是地方，一直都不怎么会写议论文，句式单一生硬是老毛病了，还是要多积累才能慢慢改善。

大洋彼岸的梦想UID: 2209150

永远的圣者改的真的是很仔细的，敬业精神让人敬佩！问题基本都改了，我想补充几点：
   1 开头。这不是一个很精彩的开头，但绝对是一个聪明的开头。比开头就asserts 好的多~~不过，圣者说的很对，最好能改动一下
   2第一个分论点的例子。ETS喜欢这种例子不错，但是你写的太简单了，没有真实感，最好稍微文学化一点，就是围绕你是如果受鼓舞的（最好能具体描述一下未受鼓励以前的情况，对比比较有说服力）描摹的细致一点。
   3Everyone like to be praised but not criticized, since anyone being praised would think himself to be 【be what？】,therefore, have a good mood, get more pleasure in the working process and become more efficient. 这句话，我是看不懂，也不知道是语法错误还是什么，圣者说的是一处，还有就是have a good mood, get more pleasure in the working process and become more efficient.感觉像是多出来的一样
   4 结尾收束不够有力，最好能重申论点（..同样重要，但什么更重要），你这样写好象两者同样重要似的。
   
     呵呵，我不担心你生气:p

[ 本帖最后由 大洋彼岸的梦想 于 2006-5-28 17:32 编辑 ]

bhnUID: 2177959

专心收集砸碎的砖头，呵呵