argument 25 竹子

cwztyo__UID: 2159050

In  this  memo ,the mayor of the town of  Howell concludes  that the best way
to improve  Hopewell 's enconomy and generate additional tax revenues ,is to build a
golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View. To validate the conclusion ,the mayor notes that with the rise of the golf course and resort hotel in Ocean View ,
the tourism ,business and tax revenue have been in the good state as result.The
mayor's argument is problematic in several respects as following, rendering the
argument unconciving as it stands.
   Firstly,the great state of tourism, business,and revenues does not necessarily
indicate that it is the new golf course and resort hotel that attract the travelors,
businessmen,investors and so on.Perhaps a new wonderful view or resort ,such as an
entertainment  on sea,a venture of climbing rocks and so forth ,built within these two years really trigger people from different places.Or perhaps some international meetings have been held in these two years in Ocean View so that a myriad of chances of
developement  influx into this town.Since the mayor fails to rule out these and other
possible explanations,I cannot accept any conclusion what the mayor claims.
    secondly, the mayor simply put two things which happended in certain period
together.In fact,although the opening of golf course and resort hotel coincide with
the imprvement of the the othet respects in Ocean View.Perhaps there is no
revelation between them .Perhaps,the technical innovation happended ten years ago
leads to the recent enomical improvement in Ocean View.lacking the sufficient
evidences supporting  the  necessary relevance between them ,the mayor cannot
assume so .
    in addition, even if the foregoing assumption can substantiate the mayor' assertion
is still unwarranted.Perhaps in the past two years, the built of the golt course and
resort hotel really push the flourishing phenomenon in the town of Ocean View.the mayorcannot assure that in the future ,it is that case .
   To sum up, the mayor' argument is unconvincing.To bolster it  he must provide clear evidences that the openning of course golf and hotel has close relevance to the
results of Ocean View meantime prove strongly that this positive trend bought about by the golf course and resort hotel will continue abate .

asong2004UID: 2178054

俺可以初级水平啊，可能不能给你找出什么大问题

In  this  memo ,the mayor of the town of  Howell concludes  that the best way
to improve  Hopewell 's enconomy and generate additional tax revenues ,is to build a
golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View. To validate the conclusion ,the mayor notes that with the rise（应该是分词吧ing） of the golf course and resort hotel in Ocean View ,
the tourism ,business and tax revenue have been in the good state as a result.The
mayor's argument is problematic in several respects as following, rendering the
argument unconciving（unconvincing） as it stands.
   Firstly,the great state of tourism, business,and revenues does not necessarily
indicate that it is the new golf course and resort hotel that attract the travelors（traveler）, businessmen,investors and so on Perhaps a new wonderful view or resort ,such as anentertainment  on sea,a venture of climbing rocks and so forth ,built within these two years（好像是中文英语） really trigger people from different places.Or perhaps some international meetings have been held in these two years in Ocean View so that a myriad of chances of development（拼写阿）  influx into this town.（汗，这几个可能的用法，俺没学过）Since the mayor fails to rule out these and other
possible explanations,I cannot accept any conclusion what the mayor claims（这一句好激烈啊，完全不接受）.第一段应该是说明Ｏ地的发展和ｇｏｌｆ无关
    Secondly(大写), the mayor simply put two things which happended in certain period
together.In fact,although the opening of golf course and resort hotel coincide with
the imprvement（拼写） of the the othet（拼写） respects in Ocean（意思是虽然和其他方面有关还是说Ｏ发展和建ｇｏｌｆ的时间一致呢？不是很清楚。另外这里的其他是说得哪里呢？下面又说无关） View.Perhaps there is no
revelation between them .Perhaps（这个词用的好多，看的疲劳哈） ,the technical innovation happended ten years ago
leads to the recent enomical (拼写)improvement in Ocean View.
Lacking（应该是大写） the sufficient
evidences supporting （觉得证据和支持的意思有些重复了——个人观点） the  necessary relevance between them（拼写） ,the mayor cannot（建议虚拟语气，不该这样做不是不能）
assume so .第二段和第一段说的都是与Ｏ的发展有关的内容，可以是一个论点的两方面
    in （大写）addition, even if the foregoing assumption can substantiate the mayor' assertion
is still unwarranted（好吧，我承认这句没看懂，相当于让步是不是？）.Perhaps in the past two years, the built of the golt course and
resort hotel really push the flourishing phenomenon in the town of Ocean View
.the mayorcannot assure that in the future ,it is that case .（这句也没看懂，估计意思是即使上面假设ｍ的推断成功但仍不足以支持ｍａｙｏｒ的关点，后面应该还要展开吧）
   To sum up, the mayor' argument is unconvincing.To bolster it  he must provide clear evidences that the openning of course golf and hotel has close relevance（应该是拼错了吧，relevancy）  to the
results of Ocean View meantime prove strongly(觉得这里也是重复了和上面的ｅｖｉｄｅｎｃｅ) that this positive trend bought about by the golf course and resort hotel will continue abate .
即使可以证明这一点好像也不能说明可以这样做了吧，还有其它的比较重要的问题比如没找出来，比如喝Ｈ地本地对比。而且假设ｍ的论据充分的话就可以。。。这样好像和上面的让步段落意思相反吧，不过我对Ａ的认识还是最初级阶段，可能我想错了。