Issue228 [黄金十二宫]第二次作业(5.26) 二次修正篇见3楼

微末三月UID: 205072

这篇难产的文章好不容易现世了.大家狠狠来拍吧,免费提供砖头~~


OUTLINE:
1.表扬给我们带来克服困难的勇气,人人需要表扬来肯定自己.
2.完全忽视负面消息且过分表扬的人容易骄傲自满,更易失败.
   人类从批评中进步
3.没有既定的标准,老师不该把自己的态度强加于学生.


ISSUE:

The speaker asserts that the optimal means to educate is only to praise positive actions. In my point of view, although positive actions may bring us more encouragement to face the difficulties and help us to establish self-confidence, ignoring the negative effects is an unadvisable way for losing the opportunities to consummate ourselves.

Admittedly, praising positive actions are good for us to keep mentality healthy within this drastically competitive society. It is inevitable to encounter a sort of handicaps during our long lives. Inspiring by positive actions is inclined to lead us to think in an optimistic way instead of doing some undue behaviors before calming down. Moreover, like “Rome was not built in a day”, it will help us to develop self-confidence step by step. It is well known that most people living in this world need continual support and affirmation from those with whom they work together and need to visualize their individual values. This same principal have applied to domesticate animals, to make dolphin leap over the much higher rail, some fish will be given by trainer as a prize when the dolphin jump over the relatively low rail, and then the trainer elevates the rail a little bit without arousing dolphin’s notice.

However, it is prone to become overconfidence when praised too often and wholly overlooking the negative actions. As the old always says that “pride will have a fall”, these people lack the entire consideration and might have grandiose aims but puny abilities which ultimately result in failures, while those attaching both importance to the positive and negative behaviors will withstand rigorous scrutiny. In addition, not only those criticisms stimulate us to have a never surrender attitude, but they assist us to realize our own drawbacks. History informs us that the humankind’s progresses are based on the process among the resistances, compromises and solutions. For instance, a large amount of products manufactured from the factories including some unknown unwholesome by-products. After a short or long time, a few negative reports towards the factories come forth with emergence of some odd symptoms. Under that circumstance the factories have to improve their manufacturing product or bankrupt. Therefore now we have many more secure commodities to use.

Because even towards the same thing attitudes vary from person to person, accordingly different treated manners exist. And, there is no certain established criterion existing in the world judge affairs. So we can always hear that some people highly approve something which is suffering severe criticisms. So the advisor such as educator, employer, or parent should not impose viewpoints on their students who might think the same thing in a different way. Of course they can guide students by making them aware that certain behaviors naturally carry certain undesirable consequences but not force-feed.

In conclusion, positive actions such as praise might be beneficial to form our self-confidence. Compared with negative actions, those give us more encouragement to get through a variety of obstacles. At the same time the negative actions like criticisms will make us known about our disadvantages and then perfect us.  Critical comments of advisors will help us to make appropriate decisions but not impose because they stand on different viewpoints.

[ 本帖最后由 微末三月 于 2006-5-28 10:50 编辑 ]

bssUID: 2163624

OUTLINE:
1.表扬给我们带来克服困难的勇气,人人需要表扬来肯定自己.
2.完全忽视负面消息且过分表扬的人容易骄傲自满,更易失败.
   人类从批评中进步
3.没有既定的标准,老师不该把自己的态度强加于学生.




The speaker asserts that the optimal means to educate is only to praise positive actions. In my point of view, although positive actions may bring us more encouragement to face the difficulties and help us to establish self-confidence, ignoring the negative effects is an unadvisable way for losing the opportunities to consummate ourselves.

Admittedly, praising positive actions are good for us to keep mentality healthy within this drastically competitive society. It is inevitable to encounter a sort of handicaps during our long lives. Inspiring by positive actions is inclined to lead us to think in an optimistic way instead of doing some undue behaviors before calming down. Moreover, like “Rome was not built in a day”, it will help us to develop（不合适吧）
self-confidence step by step. It is well known that most people living in this world need continual support and affirmation from those with whom they work together and need to visualize their individual values. This same principal have applied to domesticate animals, to make dolphin leap over the much higher rail, some fish will be given by trainer as a prize when the dolphin jump over the relatively low rail, and then the trainer elevates the rail a little bit without arousing dolphin’s notice.

However, it is prone to become overconfidence when praised too often and wholly overlooking the negative actions（少主语吧）. As the old always says （As an ancient Chinese proverb goes） “pride will have a fall”, these people lack the entire consideration and might have grandiose aims， but puny abilities which ultimately result in failures, while those attaching both importance to the positive and negative behaviors will withstand rigorous scrutiny. In addition, not only those criticisms stimulate us to have a never surrender attitude, but they assist us to realize our own drawbacks. History informs us that the humankind’s progresses are based on the process among the resistances, compromises and solutions. For instance, a large amount of products manufactured from the factories including some unknown unwholesome by-products. After a short or long time, a few negative reports towards the factories come forth with emergence of some odd symptoms. Under that circumstance the factories have to improve their manufacturing product or bankrupt. Therefore now（可以去掉吧） we have many more secure commodities to use.

Because even towards the same thing attitudes vary from person to person, accordingly different treated manners exist. （少点什么吧，直接用because开头感觉不太好吧）And, there is no certain established criterion existing in the world judge affairs. So we can always hear that some people highly approve something which is suffering severe criticisms. So the advisor， such as educator, employer, or parent should not impose viewpoints on their students who might think the same thing in a different way. Of course they can guide students by making them aware that certain behaviors naturally carry certain undesirable consequences but not force-feed.

In conclusion, positive actions such as praise might be beneficial to form our self-confidence. Compared with negative actions, those (they 会好一点吧)give us more encouragement to get through a variety of obstacles. At the same time the negative actions like（as） criticisms will make us known about our disadvantages and then( 去掉) perfect us.  Critical comments of advisors will help us to make appropriate decisions but not impose because they stand on different viewpoints.


语法错误不少，跟我可以相比较了！用词还是不错的，至少要比我强很多。逻辑上有很大问题，在我看来在追求语法、用词之前最好先把罗辑弄好！建议看一些范文的提纲。在我看来（跟一两个人探究了一下），你的头两段还是不错的，只是第三段感觉离主题有点远。建议从新考虑一下。

微末三月UID: 205072

The speaker asserts that the optimal means of education is only to praise positive actions. In my point of view, although praising positive actions may bring us more encouragement to face the difficulties and help us to establish self-confidence, ignoring the negative effects is an unadvisable way due to losing the opportunities to improve ourselves.

Admittedly, praising positive actions are helpful for us to keep our mentality healthy within this drastically competitive society. It is inevitable to encounter a sort of handicaps during our long lives. Inspiring by positive actions is inclined to lead us to think in an optimistic way instead of doing some undue behaviors before calming down. Moreover, like “Rome was not built in a day”, it will help us to develop（不合适吧）self-confidence step by step. It is well known that most people living in this world need continual support and affirmation from those with whom they work together and need to visualize their individual values. This same principal have been applied to domesticate animals, to make dolphin leap over the much higher rail, some fish will be given by trainer as a prize when the dolphin jump over the relatively low rail, and then the trainer elevates the rail a little bit without arousing dolphin’s notice.我是从北美范文里几乎原样copy过来的...同题材,同背景的文章

However, it is prone to turn into overconfidence when one ispraised too often and wholly overlooking the negative actions（少主语吧）.确实改过来了 As the old always says （As an ancient Chinese proverb goes） “pride will have a fall”, for the people lacking the whole consideration and having ambitions but trifling abilities, they cannot stand up with coming ‘storms’; but, for those who are able to see the both side of a coin, they will be strong enough to beat any challenge. In addition, not only those criticisms stimulate us to have a never surrender attitude, but they assist us to realize our own drawbacks. History makes us clear that the humankind’s progresses are based on the process among the resistances, compromises and solutions. For instance, a large amount of products manufactured from the factories including some unknown unwholesome by-products. After a short or long time, a few negative reports towards the factories come forth with emergence of some odd symptoms. Under that circumstance the factories have to improve their manufacturing product,or bankruptcy is headed. Therefore we  now have many more secure commodities to use.觉得now还是要,移到后面来

In fact, because even towards the same thing attitudes vary from person to person, accordingly different treated manners exist. （少点什么吧，直接用because开头感觉不太好吧）And, there is no certain established criterion existing in the world judge affairs. So we can always hear that some people highly approve something which is suffering severe criticisms. So the advisor， such as educator, employer, or parent should not impose viewpoints on their students who might think the same thing in a different way. Of course they can guide students by making them aware that certain behaviors naturally carry certain undesirable consequences but not force-feed.

In conclusion, positive actions such as praise might be beneficial to form our self-confidence. Compared with negative actions, they (they 会好一点吧)指代不明了give us more encouragement to get through a variety of obstacles. At the same time the negative actions like（as）这个没关系吧,我没有带从句 criticisms will make us known about our disadvantages and then( 去掉) perfect us.  Critical comments of advisors will help us to make appropriate decisions but not impose because they stand on different viewpoints.

关于第三个论点,查看了别人的一些文章,鲜有人这么写.不过ISSUE既然是立论文,就没有错误的论点一说,关键是看怎么支持他.这一段我还得修改一下
P.S:把范文里看到一些觉得用得很地道的句子,(虽然我肯定不会那么用)copy过来,被批评说不合适.:confused:后来一个前辈告诉我说,老外的文章也不一定篇篇都是精品,句句都是合适的.:mad::mad:天啊!!的确有道理,不过让人更加挠头了,怎样的文章才算好文章啊?!!

[ 本帖最后由 微末三月 于 2006-5-28 10:49 编辑 ]

bssUID: 2163624

强烈表扬三月。实在是很认真阿！不过我的语法很差，逻辑还凑合。实际上有些问题我也不确定，所以拿出来商榷一下！呵呵希望我们能够在互相批改1同进步哈！关于那个论点实际我跟一两个人有所沟通，的确issue没有对错之分，只是感觉那个论点力主太有点远，所以建议你改！