Argument221 [黄金十二宫]第三次作业(5.29) 谢谢大家指正

永远的圣者UID: 2182901

TOPIC: ARGUMENT221 - The following appeared in the editorial section of a student newspaper.
"In a recent survey, most students who were studying beginning Russian gave higher course-evaluation ratings to classes taught by non-native Russian speakers than to classes taught by native Russian speakers. The reason that the non-native speakers were better teachers of Russian is easy to see: the non-native speakers learned Russian later in life themselves, and so they have a better understanding of how the language can be taught effectively. Therefore, in order to improve instruction for all languages and also save money, our university should hire non-native speakers as language instructors instead of trying to find and recruit native speakers."

1.        对于俄语初级班的调查，以及对于非俄国人能更好地教俄语的解释，只说明了让非俄国人教俄语对于初学者可能更好的
2.        如果教俄语的一个例子可以说明提高所有的语言教学都要用非母语的人，那么1的同样的问题也会再次出现
3.        对于调查的质疑
4.        对于能省钱的质疑

It is plausible for the arguer to suggest the university should hire non-native speakers as instructors by the survey of beginning Russian course-evaluation and the relationship of Russian studying and teaching. The estimation and deduction is where the arguer stands. Yet several flaws in the editorial section cannot stand up careful scrutiny.

In the first place, the arguer fails to persuade us non-native speakers were better teachers of Russian though two talking points was mentioned. The rating of survey seems one of the points, however, the survey seems only happened in beginning Russian courses. If the university concerns greatly in both beginning courses and advanced courses in Russian, the arguer, then, have not give persuasive evidence that the non-native are also competent for the advanced instruction. On the other hand, the arguer says, the non-native can taught effectively is resulting form they have a better understanding of how to learn Russian. I want to emphasize that no one can assure their understanding of the language and the insight of the foreign culture, which is much easier for a native Russian to know, is enough for those need further improvements.

Further more, the arguer says, university should hire non-native speakers for all language, though only Russian example is concluded in the article. The suggestion seems comes from the analogy between Russian and all other languages. In this relaxed situation, the beginning-and-advanced problem still exists in all languages teaching. However, if stricter attestation should be attained, the arguer seems did not give forceful examples to support his analogy.

In addition, the survey is not cogent enough to sustain the point. Since the arguer is taking the course-evaluation ratings as the judgment of good teachers, the estimation of students may be greatly affected by the GPA they received from the course which the native speakers is much stricter than the non-native speakers. Other factors may be involved, such as the quantity of the survey, the personality of the teachers and the character of the students.

Last but not the least, saving money is another reason given by arguer to of hiring non-native speakers. However, the arguer failed to give convictive proof. Moreover, I am doubtful of the teaching level of such ‘cheap’ language instructors.

Taking one with another, without cogent and persuasive support provided, we cannot accept the author’s advice.


这次终于在一个小时写完了，但是句子啊，词语啊，写完了又不知道怎么改了

bhnUID: 2177959

It is plausible for the arguer to suggest the university should hire non-native speakers as instructors by the survey of beginning Russian course-evaluation and the relationship of Russian studying and teaching. The estimation and deduction is where the arguer stands. Yet several flaws in the editorial section cannot stand up[/color](去掉up stand是vt) careful scrutiny.
开头比较有创意。

In the first place, the arguer fails to persuade us non-native speakers were[/color]（用一般现在时） better teachers of Russian though two talking points was mentioned. The rating of survey[/color]（这样写就成了survey的评估了）seems one of the points, however, the survey seems only happened in beginning Russian courses. If the university concerns greatly in both beginning courses and advanced courses in Russian, the arguer, then, have not give（given） persuasive evidence that the non-native are also competent for the advanced instruction. On the other hand, the arguer says, the non-native can taught effectively is resulting form they have a better understanding of how to learn Russian. I want to emphasize（A尽量不要出现我想。。。我认为。。。）that no one can assure their understanding of the language and the insight of the foreign culture, which is much easier for a native Russian to know, is enough for those need further improvements.（这一段只论证到这里，还不够充分。只说了俄国老师可能有他们的优势，最好再说一下，因为两者各有优势，并且缺乏全面的比较，并不能确定哪种老师更好，所以结论不能让人心服。）Further more, the arguer says, university should hire non-native speakers for all language, though only Russian example is concluded in the article. The suggestion seems comes from the analogy between Russian and all other languages. In this relaxed situation, the beginning-and-advanced problem still exists in all languages teaching. However, if stricter attestation should be attained, the arguer seems did not give forceful examples to support his analogy.（最好在列举一下为什么不同语言的学习教学可能有所不同，这样就不会只停留在表面上了）In addition, the survey is not cogent enough to sustain the point. Since the arguer is taking the course-evaluation ratings as the judgment of good teachers, the estimation of students may be greatly affected by the GPA they received from the course which the native speakers is much stricter than the non-native speakers（这个从句最好用猜测语气）. Other factors may be involved, such as the quantity of the survey, the personality of the teachers and the character of the students.（这段应该安排在前面，在第一段就提出。因为这个调查是一个个很重要的证据，作者根据这个调查得出的结论。应该先反驳）


Last but not the least, saving money is another reason given by arguer to of hiring non-native speakers. However, the arguer failed to give convictive proof.（你的论证都是论证到没有证据就完了，最好在列举一下其他的可能） Moreover, I am doubtful of the teaching level of such ‘cheap’ language instructors.（这个怀疑没有过根据吧，教师的水平是前面的段落论证的，这里不必再提。如果本地老师水平高，而且工资少，当然可以省钱了。）
Taking one with another, without cogent and persuasive support provided, we cannot accept the author’s advice.


你的文章读起来感觉还是不太顺畅，不过很好的一点是，你的文章不是按照新东方哪种模式出来的，比较有特色，可能比较能吸引考官。这一点比较有前途。