Argument168 [黄金十二宫白羊]第五次作业

asong2004UID: 2178054

TOPIC: ARGUMENT168 - Typically, as people age, their bone mass decreases, making them more vulnerable to bone fractures. A recent study concludes that the most effective way to reduce the risk of fractures in later life is to take twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium daily. The three-year study followed a group of French women in their eighties who were nursing-home residents. The women were given daily supplements of twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium. In addition, the women participated in a light weightlifting program. After three years, these women showed a much lower rate of hip fractures than is average for their age.

特注：这个A是我对A理解的一次转型，希望能被大家好好批评下~

1.身体健康不表明不会骨折
2.即便承认身体健康有助于避免骨折，补钙也不是最好的方法
3.即使补钙也是最好方法，作者的调查不能证明这一点

Word: 511 Time: 150

In this editorial ,the editorial concludes that taking twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium daily is a more effective prevention of bone fractures for old people.
To substantiate the conclusion ,the editorial cites the result of a resent survey that providing a group of aged French women always stayed in their families with complementarily of twice the commended dose of vitamin D and calcium and making them join a project of losing weight result in their much lower rate of hip fractures .A careful analysis of the study reveals several problems with the editorial's argument’s

First of all, the editorial's assumption in short of legitimacy is the causal relationship claimed between  healthiness and taking twice the recommended dose of calcium daily and vitamin D.The argument ignores many factors that may be mort important than supplement of vitamin D and calcium in determining  the probability of fractures. For example, aborative tendance of offspring make their parents' living comfortly and safely. Common sense and experience tell us that a single eld's subsistence is difficult and unsafe, even if his body is healthy.Without other's care, he may be in dangerous. Besides of this, decorating inhabitancy may conduce slip.The  slippy  floor easily make people lose their balance. To the older ,it is extrahazardous. Since the editorial fails to rule out these and other possible explanations for avoiding fracture ,I cannot accept any conclusions about it.
Even if healthiness is responsible for reducing the risk of fractures, the editorial's that taking twice dose of vitamin D and calcium daily is unwarranted. The editorial ignores other possible factors that may also contribute to the elder’s body in good condition. Perhaps forming a nicer living habit  or perhaps eating some fruit and vegetable abound in nourishment. More ever，perhaps taking exercise is most effective method authorized and validated by myriads of facts，which is  Compared with editorial's suggestion, these factors are more easily received.
Even accepting taking twice dose of vitamin D and calcium daily is the best way ，the results of the survey are insufficient to support the conclusion.F irstly, the claim does not indicate who conducted the poll , perhaps it was conduced by individual not enough authoritative. Secondly, samples for survey should be able to represent all of the older.However, form the survey quoted in this argument,we find no signed of such procedures for random samplings. Thirdly,the arguer fails to take into account the possibility of a light weithtlifting program.hence we can not evaluate the overall effect of taking vitamin D and calcium.Finally, the editorial’s supports the conclusion of by over-generalization from a specific piece of evidence.Hip fracture is a sort of fractures.According to provided survey, we may conclude the editorial’s suggestion is merely useful for avoiding hip fracture .Apparently, his outcome is helpless for other kinds of fractures .
In summary, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. To make it more convincing ,the editorial would have to provide more evidence concerning the causal relationship between health and reducing rracture and ruling out other possible causes of health to better evaluate the argument .He should provide a clear and authoritative survey to support his claim .

魏玛竹林UID: 2201594

见附件:)

渡渡鸟UID: 145880

In this editorial ,the editorial concludes that taking twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium daily is a more effective prevention of bone fractures for old people. To substantiate the conclusion ,the editorial cites the result of a resent survey that providing a group of aged French women always stayed in their families with complementarily of twice the commended dose of vitamin D and calcium and making them join a project of losing weight result in their much lower rate of hip fractures .A careful analysis of the study reveals several problems with the editorial's argument’s （新东方的老套路。。。开始练习的时候用用可以，以后还是摒弃的好，这种写法用的太多了）

First of all, the editorial's assumption in short of legitimacy is the causal relationship claimed between  healthiness and taking twice the recommended dose of calcium daily and vitamin D.The argument ignores many factors that may be mort（拼写） important than supplement of vitamin D and calcium in determining  the probability of fractures. For example, aborative tendance of offspring make their parents' living comfortly and safely（这里怎么能用副词呢？）. Common sense and experience tell us that a single eld's subsistence is difficult and unsafe, even if his body is healthy. Without other's care, he may be in dangerous. Besides of this, decorating inhabitancy may conduce slip.The  slippy  floor easily make people lose their balance. To the older ,it is extrahazardous. Since the editorial fails to rule out these and other possible explanations for avoiding fracture ,I cannot accept any conclusions about it.
Even if healthiness is responsible for reducing the risk of fractures, the editorial's that taking twice dose of vitamin D and calcium daily is unwarranted. The editorial ignores other possible factors that may also contribute to the elder’s body in good condition. Perhaps forming a nicer living habit  or perhaps eating some fruit and vegetable abound in nourishment. More ever，perhaps taking exercise is most effective method authorized and validated by myriads of facts，which is  Compared with editorial's suggestion, these factors are more easily received.
Even accepting taking twice dose of vitamin D and calcium daily is the best way ，the results of the survey are insufficient to support the conclusion.F irstly, the claim does not indicate who conducted the poll , perhaps it was conduced by individual not enough authoritative. Secondly, samples for survey should be able to represent all of the older.However, form the survey quoted in this argument,we find no signed of such procedures for random samplings. Thirdly,the arguer fails to take into account the possibility of a light weithtlifting program.hence we can not evaluate the overall effect of taking vitamin D and calcium.Finally, the editorial’s supports the conclusion of by over-generalization from a specific piece of evidence.Hip fracture is a sort of fractures.According to provided survey, we may conclude the editorial’s suggestion is merely useful for avoiding hip fracture .Apparently, his outcome is helpless for other kinds of fractures .
In summary, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. To make it more convincing ,the editorial would have to provide more evidence concerning the causal relationship between health and reducing rracture and ruling out other possible causes of health to better evaluate the argument .He should provide a clear and authoritative survey to support his claim .

给点小意见：本文的主要讨论的问题是围绕survey展开，讨论survey是重点，也是错误最多的部分。而你把最重要的放在了第3段讨论。你的提纲：
1.身体健康不表明不会骨折
2.即便承认身体健康有助于避免骨折，补钙也不是最好的方法
3.即使补钙也是最好方法，作者的调查不能证明这一点
看起来是一环接一环的，但是我感觉这个提纲没有lee的那个好
①study的样本太特殊，不具代表性。只调查了French women in their eighties who were nursing-home residents，没有普遍性（靠，一个男的已没有，还都是法国的），甚至没有提供具体的调查人数、调查前的身体状况等信息。
② 未排除他因。其他原因：a light weightlifting program，三年前这批样本的健康状况是否就好于普通人，这次调查活动是否是他们在行为上更加的小心。文中假设的是，吃药可以防止骨密度下降，因此可以减少股骨折。然而是否发生骨折还跟保养等因素有关，不仅仅是生理上的。总之没有直接的证据证明VD和钙能够counteract the vulnerability caused by the bone mass decrease.
③ 急于概括。由hip fractures、women推广到bone fractures、all people 缺乏支持。不一定适合于男性，不一定可以降低所有的骨折发生率。

这个提纲是按照重要性分的

另外，感觉文章整体结构还没有突破新东方的束缚。孙远将的那些东西作为入门还行，写多了就会觉得太老套。都用这种开头模式写，考官看了能舒服么？其实并不是这种模式非常不好，只是用的太多了，显得过时。
甩开新东方的束缚，高分的第一步。