argument147 【加州阳光】第二次作业，求拍

sandyfriendUID: 157486

这次写多了，下次减少点八， 30分钟是写不出这么多字的
TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS: 577          TIME: 1:03:00          DATE: 2006-6-7

Ts1, survey most important the wrong survey
ts2, up-to-date computers too expensive,
ts3, 10-25 no they have his own money to spend

The arguer predicts that the last two years falling sale of whirlwind video games will recently be about to reversed. the argument based on the facts that the Whirlwind has designed several games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers and which is the most important feature of video game in survey. The arguer also adds the evidence that an extensive advertising campaign has been directed to the people who are 10 to 25years old and most likely to play video game to support his view. Nevertheless, some fallacies lie in the arguments.

First of all, the argument can not find the cause-outcome relationship between the survey and the increase of the sale.  The survey asked player what features they thought  were most important in a video game, the Games which have such feature only means a good game but no a games with well sales.  A lot of other factors affect the sales of a video game, such as the content, the price and the advertisement. It is just an important one.  If the survey asked the player which features they thought were most worth buying in a video game, the result may be more convincing. The arguer should use the proper survey to support his ideas.

If the survey above can bring about the views, another problems may arouse, in the survey, player prefer the lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers.  The most up-to-date computers means common people should pay extra money for update their computers or buy a new one, if they wants to play the Games smoothly. However, Can every home afford the budget only for playing the Whirlwind games?  We doubt it.  Most of people may incline to play the games which should be interested and smoothly run in current computers. so, arguer should make clear the points that Do most of the potent players can play the games smoothly or update their computers to meet the games requirements.

The argument also used the advertise campaign to demonstrate his views. Nevertheless there lies in a fallacy. We know that the man 10 to 25 years old is the most likely to play the Games. However, we also know that men who want to play the Games doesn't show that they will buy the games. They may have no extra money, borrow from the friends’ and classmates’ or even use the piratical copy.  we can divide the man 10 to 25years old into two group, the front one is mostly less than 16 years old, most of time,whether Buying a Games or not is decided by their parents; the later is mostly larger than 16 , then the Price may be the most important factor forthem.  As the result, In order to improve the sale, the advertising campaign should pay attention on these two sides which is not mention in the argument.

In summary, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to prove the relationship between the survey and the result. Moreover, I would suspend my judgment about the credibility of the recommendation until the arguer can provide the concrete evidence that most people who play the games meet the computer requirements and the advertising campaign is really effective to men 10 to 25 years ago.

yvonnewhuUID: 2202979

相互交流提高啊
我的argument
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... e%3D1#pid1768680569

The arguer predicts that the last two years falling sale of whirlwind video games will recently be about to reversed. the argument based on the facts that the Whirlwind has designed several games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers and which is the most important feature of video game in survey.(favorable video game in survey) The arguer also adds the evidence that an extensive advertising campaign has been directed to the people who are 10 to 25years old and most likely to play video game to support his view. Nevertheless, some fallacies lie in the arguments.

First of all, the argument can not find the cause-outcome relationship between the survey and the increase of the sale.  The survey asked player what features they thought  were most important in a video game, the Games which have such feature only means a good game but no a games with well sales.  A lot of other factors affect the sales of a video game, such as the content, the price and the advertisement. It is just an important one.  If the survey asked the player which features they thought were most worth buying in a video game, the result may be more convincing. The arguer should use the proper survey to support his ideas.

If the survey above can bring about the views 这句话有歧义, bring是个及物动词吧, another problems may arouse, 这里应该用分号in the survey, player prefer the lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers.  The most up-to-date computers means common people should pay extra money for update their computers or buy a new one, if they wants to play the Games smoothly. However, Can every home afford the budget only for playing the Whirlwind games?  We doubt it.  Most of people may incline to play the games which should be interested interesting, intrested 用来形容人对某物感兴趣 and smoothly run in current computers. so, arguer should make clear the points that Do(that 引导是否从句应该用if) most of the potent players can play the games smoothly or update their computers to meet the games requirements.

The argument also used the advertise campaign to demonstrate his views. Nevertheless there lies in a fallacy. We know that the man 10 to 25 years old is the most likely to play the Games. However, we also know that men who want to play the Games doesn't show that they will buy the games. They may have no extra money, borrow from the friends’ and classmates’ or even use the piratical copy.  we can divide the man 10 to 25years old into two group, the front one is mostly less than 16 years old, most of time,whether Buying a Games or not is decided by their parents; the later is mostly larger than 16 , then the Price may be the most important factor forthem.  As the result, In order to improve the sale, the advertising campaign should pay attention on to these two sides which is not mention not mentioned:L粗心哦 in the argument.

In summary, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to prove the relationship between the survey and the result. Moreover, I would suspend my judgment about the credibility of the recommendation until the arguer can provide the concrete evidence that most people who play the games meet the computer requirements and the advertising campaign is really effective to men 10 to 25 years ago.

文章的逻辑是很清晰的哦,对于文章的结构,我也没有什么意见好提了
还是有老问题出现,那就是语法和拼写,建议sandy把文章复制到word文档中,就可以一目了然了,注意一下也就好了

盈盈飞飞UID: 2217743

Ts1, survey most important the wrong survey
ts2, up-to-date computers too expensive,
ts3, 10-25 no they have his own money to spend

The arguer predicts that the last two years falling sale of whirlwind video games will recently be about to reversed. the argument based on the facts that the Whirlwind has designed several games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers and which is the most important feature of video game in survey. The arguer also adds the evidence that an extensive advertising campaign has been directed to the people who are 10 to 25years old and most likely to play video game to support his view. Nevertheless, some fallacies lie in the arguments.（开头不错，但是可以再简练下）
First of all, the argument can not find the cause-outcome（cause-and-effect的吧？） relationship between the survey and the increase of the sale.  The survey asked player what features they thought  were most important in a video game, the Games which have such feature only means a good game but no a games with well sales.(观点很好) A lot of other factors affect the sales of a video game, such as the content, the price and the advertisement. It is just an important one.  If the survey asked the player which features they thought were most worth buying in a video game, the result may be more convincing. The arguer should use the proper survey to support his ideas.

If the survey above can bring about the views, another problems may arouse, in the survey, player prefer the lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers.  The most up-to-date computers means common people should pay extra money for update their computers or buy a new one, if they wants to play the Games smoothly. However, Can every home afford the budget only for playing the Whirlwind games?  We doubt it. 说的坚定一点嘛 Most of people may incline to play the games which should be interested and smoothly run in current computers. so, arguer should make clear the points that Do most of the potent players can play the games smoothly or update their computers to meet the games requirements.

The argument also used the advertise campaign to demonstrate his views. Nevertheless there lies in a fallacy. We know that the man 10 to 25 years old is the most likely to play the Games. However, we also know that men who want to play the Games doesn't show that they will buy the games. They may have no extra money, borrow from the friends’ and classmates’ or even use the piratical copy.  we can divide the man 10 to 25years old into two group, the front one is mostly less than 16 years old, most of time,whether Buying a Games or not is decided by their parents; the later is mostly larger than 16 , then the Price may be the most important factor forthem.  As the result, In order to improve the sale, the advertising campaign should pay attention on these two sides which is not mention in the argument.

In summary, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to prove the relationship between the survey and the result. Moreover, I would suspend my judgment about the credibility of the recommendation until the arguer can provide the concrete evidence that most people who play the games meet the computer requirements and the advertising campaign is really effective to men 10 to 25 years ago.
Argument写的不错嘛
语言比issue好多了