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[i习作temp] issue47 fly aw第二十七次作业!希望大家指正,让暴风雨来得更猛烈些吧! [复制链接]

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楼主
发表于 2006-7-4 19:18:39 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
16:50-18:10
提纲:
1.引出话题
2.长期以来高智商没能得到重视。以中国状况为例。
a.古代得不到重视
b.近代得不到重视
c.现在的教育和工作中仍得不到重视
3.我们需要充分重视和利用高智商人才资源

It is true that a chemistry doctor whose salary is so high in a medicine company feels boring about his work and nothing to do every day. He believe his work wastes his intellegent and ability. What's the reason of the phenomenon? Are there too many intellegences to use in modern society? It is the result of people do not give enough emphsis on the intellect.

In the history, we find easily that people gave more attaintion on wealth rights and honor other than intellect. They ignored those things they wanted come from using intellegent. In China, scientic, which characterises the intellegent, has never been fouced by the goverment. Ancient chinese scientists learned technologies from their fathers or family teachers other than schools. At the same time, goverment only gave honor to who won the wars or won in the exam of lectrue but never afforded the scientists.

About one hundred years ago, wars disturbed China, so people all consentrated on wars and politics. Extremely influence the seeking of high intellect and outstanding knowledge. A sentece concludes the situation of that time "The career of a professor is no better than the grandma who sells egg." It is the opinion to insult intellect! A vivid example at that time is the world famous mathematician Jinrui Chen who did outstanding contribution to the problem of 歌德巴赫 1+1. No one surround him understanded what he did. What is more, some people said he is a bad man who want to destroy the peace of the country. How humous and sad the people and the society of that time are!

Now we still do not know how to give enough emphsis on the intellect. The trend can be found from today's instruction style and labor using style. Today's exam in schools even in universities is focusing on remenber knowledge on books rather than using knowledge to slove problems. Thus why companies argue that they can hardly find one person from college graduates who have ability on real projects.

What is more, these intellegences are also not so satisfied with there works. Nearly one thousand doctors in 500 hundred factories or companies took part in a survey. It shows, 23 percent of  the doctors in these companies has not done their own specialized field right now and 58 percent of doctors feeling they have no chance to contact with challenge and creative works. The amazing satistics explor the important problem of unwareness intellect.

Can we still ignore the huge wasting of intellect wealth? Can we still wait society improving by itself without supporting who can quickly contribute it? Now, it's time we give more attation on sopporting children improving intellects and give wild road to those outstanding people.
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沙发
发表于 2006-7-4 21:50:24 |只看该作者
先谈一下语言的问题,一些词首先要避免错误拼写(偶也常常犯这方面错误,:L)


It is true that a chemistry doctor whose salary is so high in a medicine company feels boring about his work and has nothing to do every day. He believe his work wastes his intellegent 错误,intellect or intellegence and ability. What's the reason of the phenomenon? Are there too many intellegences to use in modern society? It is the result of people do not give enough emphsis on the intellect.

In the history, we find easily that people gave more attaintion on wealth rights and honor other than intellect. They ignored those things they wanted come from using intellegent. In China, scientic scientist吧, which characterises the intellegent, has never been fouced by the goverment. Ancient chinese scientists learned technologies from their fathers or family teachers other than schools. At the same time, goverment only gave honor to who won the wars or won in the exam of lectrue but never afforded the scientists.

About one hundred years ago, wars disturbed China, so people all consentrated on wars and politics. Extremely influence the seeking of high intellect and outstanding knowledge. A sentece concludes the situation of that time "The career of a professor is no better than the grandma who sells egg." It is the opinion to insult intellect! A vivid example at that time is the world famous mathematician Jinrui Chen who did outstanding contribution to the problem of 歌德巴赫 1+1. No one surround him understanded what he did. What is more, some people said he is a bad man who want to destroy the peace of the country. How humous 用的不妥吧,ironic可能好些 and sad the people and the society of that time are!

Now we still do not know how to give enough emphsis on the intellect. The trend can be found from today's instruction style and labor using style. Today's exam in schools even in universities is focusing on remenber knowledge on books rather than using knowledge to slove problems. Thus why companies argue that they can hardly find one person from college graduates who have ability on real projects.

What is more, these intellegences are also not so satisfied with there works. Nearly one thousand doctors in 500 hundred factories or companies took part in a survey. It shows, 23 percent of  the doctors in these companies has not done their own specialized field right now and 58 percent of doctors feeling they have no chance to contact with challenge and creative works. The amazing satistics explor the important problem of unwareness intellect.

Can we still ignore the huge wasting of intellect wealth? Can we still wait society improving by itself without supporting who can quickly contribute it? Now, it's time we give more attation attention on sopporting children improving intellects and give wild road to those outstanding people.


再谈一下思想,
"Society does not place enough emphasis on the intellect—that is, on reasoning and other cognitive skills."
楼主总体是完全同意issue的论断的,结构还是不错的。

第一次改文章,改的不好还请多多见谅!

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板凳
发表于 2006-7-4 22:26:20 |只看该作者
先把一些语法不太对的地方挑出来了,恩,偶 不会用引用,结果搞成这样了~~~凑合看吧。

It is true that a chemistry doctor whose salary is so high in a medicine company feels boring about his work and nothing to do every day. He believes his work wastes his intelligence and ability. What's the reason of the phenomenon? Is there too much intelligence to use in modern society? It is the result that people do not give enough emphasis on the intellect.

In the history, we find easily that people gave more attaintion on wealth rights and honor other than intellect. They ignored those things they wanted come from using intellegent. In China, scientic, which characterises the intellegent, has never been focused by the government. Ancient Chinese scientists learned technologies from their fathers or family teachers other than schools. At the same time, government only gave honor to who won the wars or won in the exam of lecture but never afforded the scientists.(这段从历史的角度来讲,我觉得题目中需要界定的就是这个地方,说society,那到底是什么样的society,什么时间的society)

About one hundred years ago, wars disturbed China, so people all concentrated on wars and politics. Extremely influence the seeking of high intellect and outstanding knowledge. A sentence concludes the situation of that time "The career of a professor is no better than the grandma who sells egg." It is the opinion to insult intellect! A vivid example at that time is the world famous mathematician Jingrun Chen(把陈景润拼错就太不应该了) who did outstanding contributions to the problem of 歌德巴赫(Goldbach花点时间google一下就出来了,这次先帮你查出来了,下次注意的说) 1+1. No one surround him understood what he did. What is more, some people said he is a bad man who wants to destroy the peace of the country. How humous(这个地方用这个词貌似不太恰当,可以考虑改成stupid) and sad the people and the society of that time are!

Now we still do not know how to give enough emphasis on the intellect. The trend can be found from today's instruction style and labor using style. Today's exam in schools even in universities is focusing on remembering knowledge on books rather than using knowledge to solve problems. Thus why companies argue that they can hardly find one person from college graduates who have ability on real projects.

What is more, these intelligences are also not so satisfied with there works. Nearly one thousand doctors in 500 hundred factories or companies took part in a survey. It shows, 23 percent of  the doctors in these companies has not done their own specialized field right now and 58 percent of doctors feeling they have no chance to contact with challenge and creative works. The amazing statistics explore the important problem of unwareness intellect. (这句话肯定不对,主要是unwareness的问题)

Can we still ignore the huge wasting of intellect wealth? Can we still wait society improving by itself without supporting who can quickly contribute it? (这个句子也很有问题)Now, it's time we give more attention on supporting children improving intellects and give wild road to those outstanding people.

提几个意见,一是语法方面,觉得楼主写作的时候不太注意词性,像本文的关键词intellect,它的名词和形容词就被楼主搞混了好多次。拼写错误就不说了,楼上的已经改过了~~~恩,楼主要再认真些哦。

二就是本文的结构,立足于中国现实是很好的啦,不过如果楼主能在开头的时候界定就会显得更清晰。另外我觉得在讲不够重视的时候用教育的例子还不错,因为大家都容易理解,但是后面的那个survey我觉得用在说不够重视貌似怪怪的,啊,说到这里突然想起来,文中的instruction style应该改成 education style 或者是 cultivation style。
最后说说结尾,一共三句话,后两句读起来都比较费劲,建议改改句式。

PS,我觉得对intellect的理解还有待商榷,在题目中后来给了解释,强调了reasoning ,cognitive skills,我觉得应该pay more attention on talking about those skills。

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RE: issue47 fly aw第二十七次作业!希望大家指正,让暴风雨来得更猛烈些吧! [修改]

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issue47 fly aw第二十七次作业!希望大家指正,让暴风雨来得更猛烈些吧!
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