argument71 fly aw第41次作业 同主题第二期题目希望与大家互改！

exp03UID: 2158827

TOPIC: ARGUMENT71 - Copper occurs in nature mixed with other minerals and valuable metals in ore, and the proportion of copper in the ore can vary considerably. Until fairly recently, the only way to extract pure copper from ore was by using a process that requires large amounts of electric energy, especially if the proportion of copper in the ore is low. New copper-extracting technologies can use up to 40 percent less electricity than the older method to process the same amount of raw ore, especially when the proportion of copper in the ore is high. Therefore, we can expect the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry to decline significantly.
WORDS: 367          TIME: 1:08:39          DATE: 2006-7-14

Before prescribing the new device using in copper-extraction industry, the evidence given in the argument should be examined from several other angles. Besides, the arguer who give a beauty future in copper industry after alter the process needs consider more aspects benefits other than electricity.

Several unclear elements can be found in the description of 40 percent less electricity than the older method to process the same amount of raw ore. First of all, after processing the same amount of raw ore, how about the rate of pure copper product is gotten comparing with old method? There is lack of evidence to show that the quality and quantity of product using new method is better than old one. If the rate of product is direct ratio the amount of used electricity, we can even get the conclusion that 40 percent less products is gotten after changing method. If so, the new process will waste water, people's labor, raw ore, etc, all the energies, and also does not save electricity.

In addition, no proper scientific instruments or educational training experts give out reliable conclusion that the new process is available to all kinds of ores. The process may have a limited copper containing range or only be used on some sort of ore. Even if one of these nature conditions cannot be satisfied, the process may not get normal rate of product.

Even if we concede that there is in fact saving large amount electricity energy, this does not mean that by altering to the new process in factories which are using old process for several years one can get more profits from the change. Pre-existing and uncontrollable limitations such as no experts of the new technology or a large amount of water used in the process may cause more cost in a special factory that can not be rectified in a moment. In addition, if the factory is near a large unclear power plant, it may have no trouble on lacking electric energy and can use the money on improving waste water treating system or retreating employees.

In conclusion, any legitimate experiment must be strictly considered in using the new process in copper-extraction industry. Only electricity aspect is uncompleted.

exp03UID: 2158827

ding

cellophane05UID: 2135343

改的不对的地方，还请见谅

Before prescribing the new device using in copper-extraction industry, the evidence given in the argument should be examined from several other angles. Besides, the arguer who give a beauty (beautiful, 窃认为bright更好) future in copper industry after alter (altering) the process needs (to) consider more aspects benefits other than electricity (这句话的意思想要除了电力外，还要考察其它因素，但这个other than不对，可以换一下，如not only).

Several unclear elements can be found in the description of 40 percent less electricity than the older method to process the same amount of raw ore. First of all, after processing the same amount of raw ore, how about the rate of pure copper product is gotten comparing with old method? There is (a) lack of evidence to show that the quality and quantity of product using new method is better than old one. (quality and quantity，这点不错，学习，学习:)） If the rate of product is direct ratio the amount of used electricity, we can even get the conclusion that 40 percent less products is gotten after changing method. If so, the new process will waste water, people's labor, raw ore, etc, all the energies, and also does not save electricity.


In addition, no proper scientific instruments or educational training experts give out reliable conclusion that the new process is available to all kinds of ores. The process may have a limited copper containing range or only be used on some sort（s） of ore. Even if （if 吧） one of these nature conditions cannot be satisfied, the process may not get normal rate of product.

Even if we concede that there is （这个there is不对）in fact saving large amount electricity energy, this does not mean that by altering to the new process in factories which are using old process for several years one can get more profits from the change. Pre-existing and uncontrollable limitations such as no experts of the new technology or a large amount of water used in the process may cause more cost in a special factory that can not be rectified in a moment（换一个吧。。。）. In addition, if the factory is near a large unclear power plant, it may have no trouble on lacking electric energy and can use the money on improving waste water treating system or retreating employees.（这段驾驭的不好，至少要点出在能源丰富的地方，改革的便利是微乎其微的）

In conclusion, any legitimate experiment must be strictly considered in using the new process in copper-extraction industry. Only electricity aspect is uncompleted.

总体感觉，思路还是很清晰，一些角度，如质、量， 不同ore的适用性很有新意，值得我学习。楼主刚开始写吧，已经非常不错了，＋U！
慢慢提高一下速度。
你的文章在word中先改了吗？感觉很舒服，没有拼写错误

我的链接
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ght=%2Bcellophane05

[ 本帖最后由 cellophane05 于 2006-7-14 20:43 编辑 ]

exp03UID: 2158827

不好意思，even if 和 there is那两个地方都是学的六分作文中原有的句型……
确实在word中先改过一遍，不过还是有语法错误……哎
呃，也不是刚开始写，还是写了一段时间了，可是速度还没打汉字快……汗！

exp03UID: 2158827

In addition, author neglect the potential gain of other valuable metal from ore. In fact, many ore are multi-function, which means the evaluation of industry process is not limited to copper. If this scenario is true, author does not give us substantiated evidence to prove new technologies will benefit other valuable metals.
觉得这段还不错

flycc28UID: 2164453

来说一下...本来要改的 结果自己动作太慢 刚把自己的改完  
下午要走了  现在去吃饭  到北京了一定改....
见谅...加油~~~

flycc28UID: 2164453

even if we concede that there is in fact saving large amount electricity energy六分作文上是这么用的？ there is saving 似乎不妥

整体上都逻辑 结构词汇都在漫漫成熟了 学习学习  

ps:现在在北航开一个寄托网页要2分钟 汗阿  明天要去上课咯 。。。加油~