agument53

jojocuteUID: 2187294

[题目]
53.Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.

[翻译]
13年前，研究者研究了一组在受到不熟悉的刺激比如不寻常的气味和未知声音的录音时表现出轻微紧张的25名婴儿。他们发现这些婴儿比其他婴儿更可能在早秋怀孕，而早秋是他们的母亲分泌的melatonin--一种已知会影响一些大脑能的荷尔蒙--因日照的减少而增加的季节。在今年早些时候所作的跟踪调查中，这些表现出紧张迹象的儿童--现在已经是十几岁--有一半以上认为自己害羞。显然，出生前melatonin的增加导致婴儿期的羞涩并且这种羞涩将延续至生命更晚的阶段。

提纲：

1 the experiment is not persuasive
2 even if the experiment is valid, the arguer fals to rule out other factors leading to the shyness of the infants
3 moreover, there is no evidence to show that the shyness will continue to exist in the next few years

时间：30

While it is true that the facts presented in the above passage contribute to the idea that the melatonin does, have some effect on the shyness of infants, it can hardly be concluded from the argument that the shyness acompanied by the development of the infant is resulted from the increased level of melatonion.

First of all, the statistic figures in the experiments are so limited that we can hardly guarantee the validity of the experiment. On one hand, the sample, to say, 25 infants, are too small to make us convinced, considering the large number of infants born every year. On the other hand, the information of the infants are vague and obscured: are they born in the same hospital? If so, are the facilities or other conditions in the hospital leading to the shyness of the infants? The universality determines the credibility of the experiment to a large extent. Only through the question solved can we make some decesion carefully. Additionally, the signs showed by the infants, exposed to the unfamiliar stimuli, might be an normal response to am infact. Thus, from that point of view, the experiment would prove nothing, only an normal stimuli to all human beings.

Even if the experiment above does, prove to be valid, the arguer fails to rule out other factors leading to the shyness of the infants. For example, the genetic effect, which is considered to be the primary determinent in our life time; Or the habit, incuding the eating and living details when their mother devekoped in their pregnance. Unless eliminating all the factors invoving in the problem can we draw the final concusion that the melatonin is the determinant as the arguer alleged.

Last but not least, the arguer conclude the shyness in his infancy continued in his life without any proof. With the development of the child, there seems to be more and more indegrients, which might have an influence on the character-developing process. For example: the training style of theie parents, the conditions of their families, or the atmospheres around them, including not only peers but also strangers nearby, it is cursory to generalize that the shyness is due to the increse amount of melatonin fifteen years ago.

In concusion, though reasonable at the first glance, the arguer still need to collect more information to strenghten his assertion. Only through more exact details of both the experiment and the following trace can we get a more persuasive conclusion.

jojocuteUID: 2187294

The arguer suprisingly deduces the conclusion that increased(increasing) levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. This conclusion seems to me, is(去掉is) a whole ramshackle one need(needs) to be remexamined.

To begin with, the research made 13 years ago is not so cogent. We only know 25 infants participant (in)the research. In fact, the sample size is so small that it is(can) hardly represent the whole infant situation, which is open to doubt.  Also, little is known about the information about 25 infants such as healthy condition, race or gender. Perhaps 25 infants are(去掉are) come from the same region, and (the)majority of parents have drug abuse history. As a result(感觉If so好一些), all infants are(might be会好一些) in vulnerable healthy condition, most infants showed distressed(distress) when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli, due to their poor health rather than they were shy during infancy. More information we need(to) know about the specific implement of the research should be given.

In addition, the shyness during infancy does not necessarily caused by melatonin. As the arguer suggests, melatonia is a hormone known to affect some brain functions. However, the arguer do(does) not mention what exactly melatonia impact on(去掉on). Does the hormone work on the mother's brain? Then the hormone is(has) nothing to do with the infant, let alone make(makes) infant shy. Another point is the aruger fails to take into accounts some other alternatives such as the deficiency of DNA, some other medicine or alternative hormones. It is highly possible that those infant happen(ed) to be have a infection, and their mother give(give) infants some antibiotics which contain some element(s) make infant shy. Simply put, To bolster melantonin cause infant shy, we need more direct evidence concerning the effect of  melatonia.

Finally, even if melatonin could make infant shy, we hardly safely arrive such a conclusion that this shyness would continues into(in) people's later life. The form of characteristic ascribes to many factors, say, individual's education background, personal experience. Perhaps, those children are deprived of the opportunities of education, then one decent job, good living condition seems to them is beyond imagination. So shyness is inevitable in their unique's personality. So It is too presumptuous to say shyness are totally due to one hormone. Furthermore, the research merely mentions that more than half of these teenagers show shyness. How many teenagers exactly? Perhaps only 13 teenagers. If so, we could not hasitately(hesitately) concede the study participants are more likely to be shy when they are teenagers. Then we have the justification to doubt the effect of melatonin on teenagers.

To sum up, starting from the ridiculous basement to the final fallacious recommendation, the argument treat(s) the gross deduction progress, which is hardly persuade those who sway by the argument. Most people would not accept the arguer on the relationship between melatonin and shyness, after all it is more sensible than arguer suggests.

分析很充分，说得极有条理展开也很自然，但语法问题多多，是限时造成的吧？我也是一限时单词拼写错误就多的不行，加油