ISSUE51【越洋农场战队】－hanyuan，欢迎拍砖！

hanyuanUID: 2219299

WORDS: 452          TIME: 0:35:34          DATE: 2006-7-23
In this argument, the author recommends that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment. It is mainly because doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. Furthermore, this hypothesis has now been proved by a study. This argument is problematic in many respects, which render it unpersuasive.

To begin with, the author concludes too hastily from secondary infections keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain should take antibiotics to prevent secondary infection. To the patients who are not severely strained, they may not need to take antibiotics to prevent second infections. It is entirely they do not have secondary infection at all. Besides, it is possible that other factor such as personal variance and fitness determines their recuperation time most. Either scenario would serve to undermine the author’s assertion that the antibiotics would be a catholicon for all patients with muscle strained.

Secondly, the study he relies on to support his claim is statistically unreliable as it stands. Since the two group in the study is conducted by two doctors, and the author provides no evidence about the details of the study, it is entirely possible that the doctors difference or other differences between the two studying groups, contributes to the 40 percent recuperation time variance rather than the antibiotics as the author claims. Unless all the conditions of the two groups are conducted as the same, it is hardly to draw any useful conclusion from this study. Maybe the physician doctor who takes antibiotics is good at treating these kinds of patients. Or perhaps the better group get the better environment, treatment, and equipment. Without ruling out such possibilities, I cannot accept the author's conclusion that taking antibiotics would help the patients healing quicker.

Moreover, the author provides no assurances that the survey on which the argument depends is statistically reliable. Unless the survey's respondents are representative of the overall, and the number is statistically sufficient the author cannot rely on it to predict the success of the antibiotics.

Another problem with the author is that he neglects the side effect of the antibiotics. As our common sense, some people is allergic to antibiotics and abusing antibiotics would make the pathogen resistant. Unless the necessary scenario, the author should not recommend the antibiotics unrestricted.

To the sum, the author use one unreliable study which may possibly suggesting that taking antibiotics would be useful for the severely muscle injures to recommends all of the patients with muscle strained to take the antibiotics. This is unpersuasive and irresponsible.

yuexuanUID: 155186

In this argument, the author recommends that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment. It is mainly because doctors have long suspected 纯粹的中国性思维用于英语写作导致该句子错误，请分析谓语that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. Furthermore, this hypothesis has now been proved by a study.在首段主要是作称述，该句不适合用在这里 This argument is problematic in many respects, which render it unpersuasive.

To begin with, the author concludes too hastily from secondary infections keep这个是动词么如果是作谁的谓语 some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain that不知道是不是我没看懂，我没有找到that和前面的关系 all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain should take antibiotics to prevent secondary infection. To the patients who are not severely strained, they may not need to take antibiotics to prevent second infections. It is entirely they do not have secondary infection at all. Besides, it is possible that other factor复数 such as personal variance and fitness determines their recuperation time most. Either scenario would serve to undermine the author’s assertion that the antibiotics would be a catholicon for all patients with muscle strained.

Secondly, the study he relies on to support his claim is statistically unreliable as it stands. Since the two group in the study is conducted by two doctors, and the author provides no evidence about the details of the study, it is entirely possible that the doctors difference or other differences between the two studying groups, contributes to the 40 percent recuperation time variance rather than the antibiotics as the author claims. Unless all the conditions of the two groups are conducted as the same, it is hardly to draw any useful conclusion from this study. Maybe the physician doctor who takes antibiotics is good at treating these kinds of patients. Or perhaps the better group get the better environment, treatment, and equipment. Without ruling out such possibilities, I cannot accept the author's conclusion that taking antibiotics would help the patients healing quicker. 这段写的非常的流畅 不错不错啊 有种奋笔疾书之感啊

Moreover, the author provides no assurances that the survey on which the argument depends is statistically reliable从句的主语是assurances但是你此处的由于the survey导致误解，是否考虑用两个逗号把他们隔开. Unless the survey's respondents are representative of the overall, and the number is statistically sufficient the author cannot rely on it to predict the success of the antibiotics.

Another problem with the author is that he neglects the side改词是否合适请考虑 effect of the antibiotics. As our common sense, some people is allergic to antibiotics and abusing antibiotics would make the pathogen resistant. Unless the necessary scenario, the author should not recommend the antibiotics unrestricted.

To the sum, the author use one unreliable study which may possibly suggesting that taking antibiotics would be useful for the severely muscle injures to recommends all of the patients with muscle strained to take the antibiotics. This is unpersuasive and irresponsible.

在如此短的时间内写出这么多字出来很不错了
是不是第二段你已经很熟，所以能够飞快的默写出来
感觉后面的比第二段要逊色很多了
不多总体还是不错的

[ 本帖最后由 yuexuan 于 2006-7-23 22:34 编辑 ]

pewcg8UID: 2143213

我不具体改了,提几个小建议:
1.开头复述的时候可以稍微改一下,不要原句.
同时:Furthermore, this hypothesis has now been proved by a study.在首段主要是作称述，该句不适合用在这里这个我有同感.
2.This argument is problematic in many respects, which render it unpersuasive.
是好句子
3.It is entirely they do not have secondary infection at all.本句有问题.
4.应该是personal variance in fitness吧?
5. as it stands用的人太多了,其实去掉了毫不影响句意.
6.Since the two group 改为groups
7.it is hardly 改为it is difficult/hard
8.Moreover, the author provides no assurances that the survey on which the argument depends is statistically reliable这里请不要质疑作者论据的正确性
9.side改词是否合适请考虑 effect ,副作用就是side effect
10.结尾还可以再说说.

pewcg8UID: 2143213

题目应该是ARGUMENT51,改一下.