argument71 同主题第二期，留链接必回拍～！

fenghua9801UID: 2191885

TOPIC: ARGUMENT71 - Copper occurs in nature mixed with other minerals and valuable metals in ore, and the proportion of copper in the ore can vary considerably. Until fairly recently, the only way to extract pure copper from ore was by using a process that requires large amounts of electric energy, especially if the proportion of copper in the ore is low. New copper-extracting technologies can use up to 40 percent less electricity than the older method to process the same amount of raw ore, especially when the proportion of copper in the ore is high. Therefore, we can expect the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry to decline significantly.


The conclusion which predicts the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry will decline significantly is premature. More evidence should be provided to reach it.

First of all, the conclusion is based on the new technology will use less electricity compared with the old ones, but there is not enough evidence. The author give the less use of electricity based on the same amount of raw ore, which is obviously not persuasive. The data would be more scientific if the amount of both raw ore and the extracted copper are the same. But this is almost impossible since we cannot predict the proportion of the copper in the ore.

Moreover, even if the new technologies will cost less electricity, we cannot conclude that the amount of the electricity in the whole copper-extraction industry will decline unless we rule out other possible effects. The author assumes that the industry will adopt the new technologies, which may be not the case. It is entirely possible that the facilities are rather expensive and the process is time consuming and labor intensive. All these reasons may prevent the industry to use the new technologies. In addition, if the industry adopts the new methods, and the total cost is comparatively low compared with the old ones, the factories may try to extract more copper, motivated by profit. Unless the annual output of the copper is clearly identified, we can neither conclude the decline of the amount of electricity.

The author need to provide more convinced evidence to first show the new technology consumes less electricity, and he may also need to specify the ratio of the amount of electricity and the annual output of the copper instead of the merely the amount of electricity.


我写得好少啊～◎！

fenghua9801UID: 2191885

Before optimistically predicting that the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry will decline significantly, more evidence should be provided to reach it. The reason is that we cannot derive the efficiency of the new technologies compared with the old ones, nor is the prevalence of them.

First of all, the conclusion is based on the new technologies will use less electricity compared with the old ones, which is not necessarily the case. The author’s assumption is based on the amount of electricity needed to process the same amount of raw ore. For two different sets of raw ore, the amount of which are the same, we may finally get different copper. By using new technologies, if we can extract only half the amount of copper that of the old ones, how can we say that the new ones are more efficient? The data would be more scientific if the amount of both raw ore and the extracted copper are the same. But it is almost impossible since we cannot predict the proportion of the copper in the ore.

Moreover, even if the new technologies will cost less electricity to extract the same amount of copper, we cannot conclude that the amount of the electricity in the whole copper-extraction industry will decline unless we rule out other possible effects. The author unfairly assumes that the industry will adopt the new technologies. It is entirely possible that the facilities for them are rather expensive, and the process is time consuming and labor intensive. All these reasons may prevent the industry to use the new technologies. Furthermore, even if the industry adopts the new methods, and the total cost is comparatively low compared with the old ones, the factories may try to extract more copper than ever before, motivated by profit. Unless the annual output of the copper is clearly identified, we can neither conclude the decline of the amount of electricity.

The author need to provide more convinced evidence to first show the new technology consumes less electricity, and he also need to specify the ratio of the amount of electricity and the annual output of the copper instead of the merely the amount of electricity.

itswayUID: 183291

写得挺好的 句子简洁明了 而且每个攻击点展开得比较充分
最后一段的convinced，改成convincing 似乎更恰当

fenghua9801UID: 2191885

谢谢～！