issue141 清凉夏日小组3组

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TOPIC: ISSUE141 - "Most people recognize the benefits of individuality, but the fact is that personal economic success requires conformity."

In an era when the function of individual is highly appreciated, people in today's world always overlook(ignore?) the importance of conformity when it comes to personal economic success. In reality,（Actually） I quite agree with the assertion that in most cases, conformity is the a crucial factor that contributes to the economic success of a person.

To begin with, conformity can make an individual more easily accepted by others, and therefore, one can get more help from them on the road to economic success. As we all know, one of the most basic relationship (relationships) between people, whether(?这个不太明白，whether似乎不用把) among neighbors or friends, colleagues or family members, is credit. As long as one is trusted by people around him/her by confirming to the customs and regulations of the majority, one can easily get help from them when coming across difficulties. As a result, the same economic success may be obtained when less effort is put into the work.(展开的不太好，这一段论述的是COMFORMITY使人与人之间容易互相理解，是否可以从2个方面展开，一个使Conformity在人们的交流沟通上有什么作用，有什么帮助，这些作用又是怎样发挥的，甚至可以举个例子，或者是假想一个例子来说明现实中这样的情况；另一方面，如果过分强调个性而忽略了共性，在人们交往上有哪些负面影响，是怎样影响的。比如，过分的个性让人难以交流难以接近，为什么那？因为个性太强了使得人与人之间的共同点太少，没有可以一起聊的话题，缺少共同的兴趣。也可以考虑举个例子，说明这种情况是真实可能发生的。这样文章看起来丰满，论证的充分，而且如果轻易的把这种可以发挥的论点放过，有些次要的分论点往往更没有话说，写到后来就在凑字数，我自己也是这种情况，刚刚意识到这个问题。我感觉，写好文章不在于你知道什么例子能用，而是要把论题的思辩性写出来，分析前因、后果和影响，这样才有话说，说的让人信服。但是这也是我遇到的问题，经常简单的用一两句话放过可以发挥的地方，写的肤浅不入里，想来还是对题目分析的不够，和逻辑思辨能力有待提高。
Moreover, conformity  do good to the overall benefit of a institution one belongs to, and thus one有点点指代不明吧，至少不太清楚 is more likely to get economic achievement from the institution. The interest of an organization is dependent on the effort of each member. If everyone aims at the same goal and try his/her best, desired result can be expected which makes possible the economic success of the individual. Nowadays, companies, especially the big multinational ones, pay more attention to the foundation of enterprise culture. By doing so, the managers are able to establish their employees' beliefs in their own companies which made them more willing to devote themselves to the same goals of the companies. The better the companies become, the more benefits the workers can get.  这一段本身写的很好，对conformity的economic success的正面影响分析的很透，写到了细处，不说空洞洞的大话。Nevertheless, individuality also plays a comparable important part（role） in a person's pursuit of economic success. All too often, the creative and original ideas and behaviors come out by breaking the rules and customs, which have been taken for granted by most people. An apt example to illustrate this point is the success of Bill Gates. When he was an undergraduate in Harvard University, he made a decision which cannot be understood by average people. He discontinued his studying and initiate Microsoft which became one of the biggest software companies and made him the richest man in the world.
In this case, it is the individuality that leads to the personal economic success.
这一段写了个性的影响，我个人觉得狗尾续貂了，因为你的观点是两者都很重要，那么个性这一部分显然论述的不够充分。所以还不如舍大而存精，就以要保留共性为论点，这样与整个文章的内容更吻合。To sum up, both individuality and conformity are indispensable factors that lead to personal economic success. Never should we ignore the significance of each one if we want to obtain our goal successfully.
我也一直受网上看的很多提纲的影响，在结尾两面都谈，现在感觉这样看似完整，实际上却减弱了论证的力度，还不如就抓住一点，写的观点鲜明。如果观点是那种两者兼顾型的，那在文章中就要处处论证，而不是结尾带一下就ok。当然这只是我个人的一点看法。
最后我改一下你的提纲，一起学习：
观点： 个人经济上成功需要共性。
1、         1.1共性能够让人与人之间更容易交流，从而更容易成功；
1.2而没有共性会让人们之间难以沟通。
2、         2.1共性使得一个企业更容易组织员工，发挥集体的作用，
2.2而个性太过，造成一盘散沙，伤害了集体利益。没有集体利益也谈不上个人的经济利益

把这两个方面展开了就可以了，不用写一些很牵强的分论点。

最后一个我个人的观点，举例子只是一种论证的方法，叫例证，例子是为道理服务的，完全可以没有。论证的方法很多，对比，引用，举例，引谬都可以，尽管举例是最直接的一种方法，但没有必要拘泥于这个，更不必认为例子是issure的根本。一家之言，一点也不权威：）欢迎交流

[ 本帖最后由 gjqfishes 于 2006-7-31 00:25 编辑 ]