smile小组 第五次 issue150

imzxzUID: 2138612

1

EmmanuelleUID: 2231740

The rapid growth of modern media techenich(technic) bring(s) us many advances, including that nowadays we could easily get a general view of some special place(s) they might have not even set a foot to（语态？） ,however ,we can not make the assertion that the tourism market is going towards extionction,（这句结束了吧）As some people may suggest, instead, I strongly hold the position that the tourism would benefit a lot from the modern medias ,such as the television and the internet.（这个对自己观点的表述不是很全面）

Firstly, it is impossible that modern media would take the place of traveling.  Surely ,the television and internet provides us with abundant information about some tourism destinations , however. ,it is mainly presented in the visual forms and thus quite a lot of infotmation is missed. We could watch a TV program providing a(an) instruction about the great wall, from which one could acquired its hieight(height), history and location ,but it is not until you have been to the great wall yourself would you receive some other experience(s), like the feeling when stepping on the ancient bricks ,the special odor from the pines nearby, and finally ,the fulfillment when you managed to reach the peak of the great wall, all of these(which) adding to some exclusive experiences that no TVprograms are able to provide however details the might include(什么意思？) in the show. Moreover, resources gained from these sources more or less carry something subjective, whether the provider are aware of it or not .In other words, what you have learn from them does not necessarily be what you may experience when you are there. One could remark Beijing as merely a modern city if he had only set feet to downtown while the other would get a much full-scale idea of the capital of China given he has also visited the places of interest in Beijing ,like the Summer Palace ,the Forbidden City , or even the HuTong, the unique architectonic form that only exist in Beijing, then he is more likely to remarked Beijing as a city with tradition and modernization . After all , the tourism brings about some personal feelings, which is beyond the media’ capacity.（电视节目带有主观性而与自己感觉不同这一点有道理，但是例子不好，感觉讲到别人的感觉而不是节目本身。并且这一段太长，建议从moreover开始另起一段）

Furthermore , we can safely reach the conclusion that the modern media would greatly promote the tourism. When people receive more attracting information about somewhere（此为副词，这里怪怪的） they have not ever been to ,their interest are more likely to (be)aroused than put off, encouraging them to visit the place themselves, as a result, It(it) can be predicted that more people are going to rush there , nourishing the local tourism. Taking Tibet as example, according to a recent survey, a seriously-filmed TV series broadcasted in one of the most popular TV channel promoted at least 39 percent the number of people that pay a visit to Tibet.（对例子多加点分析）

In conclusion , the modern media, like the TV and the internet , would not hinder the tourism market as they are not able to present the real experience gained from visiting a place, by contrast , they may serve as a good reason to encourage people to take a trip. Hence the government should take into account using  modern media to stimulate the tourism.

总的说，思路清晰，观点还是很明确的（把第一段中间分开）。个别例子不太合适。
长句子有点太绕了，而且有些错别词，建议先用word改一下。

以上个人意见，仅供参考。欢迎大家来拍我的作文！

xinxinwUID: 2144273

The rapid growth of modern media techenich （technique?）bring us many advances, including that nowadays we could easily get a general view of some special place they这句话的主语不是we么？ might have not even set a foot to ,however ,we can not make the assertion that the tourism market is going towards extionction,
As some people may suggest, instead, I strongly hold the position that the tourism would benefit a lot from the modern medias ,such as the television and the internet.

Firstly, it is impossible that modern media would take the place of traveling.  Surely ,the television and internet provides us with abundant information about some tourism destinations , however. ,it is mainly presented in the visual forms and thus quite a lot of infotmation is missed. We could watch a TV program providing a instruction about the great wall, from which one could acquired its hieight, history and location ,but it is not until you have been to the great wall yourself would you receive some other experience, like the feeling when stepping on the ancient bricks ,the special odor from the pines nearby, and finally ,the fulfillment when you managed to reach the peak of the great wall, all of these adding 这里语法有问题吧，另外有的地方逗号什么的还是不要省了to some exclusive experiences that no TVprograms are able to provide however details the might include in the show.

Moreover, resources gained from these sources more or less carry something subjective, whether the provider are aware of it or not .In other words, what you have learn from them does not necessarily be what you may experience when you are there. One could remark Beijing as merely a modern city if he had only set feet to downtown while the other would get a much full-scale idea of the capital of China given he has also visited the places of interest in Beijing ,like the Summer Palace ,the Forbidden City , or even the HuTong, the unique architectonic form that only exist in Beijing, then he is more likely to remarked Beijing as a city with tradition and modernization . After all , the tourism brings about some personal feelings, which is beyond the media’ capacity.这段论述得有点偏。后面举的背景的例子，没有把旅游和电视的特点与主观挂钩。如果电视节目拍得全面，也可以得到完整的印象。我觉得你提的主观特别好，是不是可以从电视里面的资料实际上反映的是摄影师或导演的视角，观众只是被强制性的接收镜头中的信息。参见Issue7

Furthermore , we can safely reach the conclusion that the modern media would greatly promote the tourism. When people receive more attracting information about somewhere they have not ever been to ,their interest are more likely to aroused than put off, encouraging them to visit the place themselves, as a result, It can be predicted that more people are going to rush there , nourishing the local tourism. Taking Tibet as example, according to a recent survey, a seriously-filmed TV series broadcasted in one of the most popular TV channel promoted at least 39 percent the number of people that pay a visit to Tibet.

In conclusion , the modern media, like the TV and the internet , would not hinder the tourism market as they are not able to present the real experience gained from visiting a place, by contrast , they may serve as a good reason to encourage people to take a trip. Hence the government should take into account using  modern media to stimulate the tourism.

各段的主题句还要加强，体现全文的逻辑