ARGUMENT56 同主题第八期-[越洋农场]pewcg8

pewcg8UID: 2143213

批驳：
１．考古学家的发现也许只是所有Kali文物的一小部分，众所周知，历史文物由于各种原因，保存的不一定是非常完整的，所以考古学家的发现很可能是少数的情况．有可能很多工具在战乱中被损坏，或者没有发掘出来，（写的时候两个顺序换一下）．还有可能这些molds就不是来做雕塑的，是否可能是医生的模型？是否是从别的地方流传过来的，而不是Kali自己的雕塑？没有排除这些可能性，很难说Kali的雕塑家都是只用这些模型做的雕刻．
２．为什么Kali的缩微雕像是抽象的而且风格迥异，很可能是别的原因造成的．也许这两种的雕刻被用于不同的用途，一种用在皇宫的装饰，一种用在祭祀上边，那么祭祀用的小雕像肯定是比较抽象的．或者这两种雕像出自不同的艺术流派，造成了完全不同的风格．模子只能被用于等身雕像并不能作为这个的原因，而且其实模型的大小并不会影响艺术的创作，那时侯雕刻家也许已经具有了放大模型雕刻的能力．
３．等身雕像的贬值以及缩微雕像的升值不仅仅就能够由这个研究所决定．首先，做出这些研究的机构是否有足够的名气，或者这个研究成果是否被广泛的报道呢？如果这个研究结果很少人知道，那不足以影响这些文物的价值．同时，文物的价值不仅仅是由这些文物的制作手法来决定的，还由文物的数量，曾经的收藏人的名气，决定的．如果等身的雕像数量很少，或者一些著名的历史人物收藏过，或者微缩的雕像是很多的，并且模仿的是其他一些比较有名的艺术风格，艺术价值不如等身塑像高的话，这些价值的变化可能就不会发生．
正文：
TOPIC: ARGUMENT56 - Collectors prize the ancient life-size clay statues of human figures made on Kali Island but have long wondered how the Kalinese artists were able to depict bodies with such realistic precision. Since archeologists have recently discovered molds of human heads and hands on Kali, we can now conclude that the ancient Kalinese artists used molds of actual bodies, not sculpting tools and techniques, to create these statues. This discovery explains why Kalinese miniature statues were abstract and entirely different in style: molds could only be used for life-size sculptures. It also explains why few ancient Kalinese sculpting tools have been found. In light of this development, collectors should expect the life-size sculptures to decrease in value and the miniatures to increase in value.
WORDS: 537          TIME: 0:58:13          DATE: 2006-8-4

In the argument, the author claims that artists in ancient Kali used molds of human bodies instead of tools and techniques to do sculpting. This claim is based on a recent discovery of some archeologists and an assumption that "molds could only be used for life-size sculptures." The author also concludes that changes in opposite directions might take place in the values of both life-size sculptures and miniatures. This seemingly plausible argument suffers from several logical flaws after careful scrutinizing.

In the first place, the discovery of those archeologists might not be representative concerning all sculptures in Kali. It is entirely possible that this very discovery is only a part of Kalinese cultural relics and maybe a small part of them. Also, some other factors such as a fierce battle between Kali and a nearby country, a large population migration and those grave robbers could make other relics fade away. We have witnessed so many historical relics destroyed that it is no surprise that such a ruin happen in Kali. Another possibility is that these archeologists have only unearthed some areas of Kali. In addition, those molds might be the creations of another culture and were spread(同形) to Kali. Therefore, more information is needed to draw the conclusion that Kalinese artists use only molds in their creations.

Moreover, the assumption that molds can not be used for miniatures is absolutely unreasonable. What if artists in that time were able to make sculptures in any size according to simply one kind of mold? And the distinct features in the two kinds of sculpture mentioned in the argument could be explained in other ways without more detailed evidences. It is possible, that miniatures were used in religious sacrifices while larger sculptures were used in palaces. Then, it is no surprise that miniatures in Kali are often abstract, Kalinese artists might create those miniatures abstractly to show their adorations. It is also possible that these two different kinds of creations were done by two art schools and consequently results in a difference in the appearance sculptures.

Before I reach my final conclusion, it is quite necessary to canvass the conclusion made by the author in the end of the argument. After comparing the life-size sculptures and the miniatures, the author asserts that prices will change. But as we all know, the price of historical relics is based on several factors such as their quantity, their artistic value and those famous people who have ever collected the relic. When these life-size sculptures once were collected by a famous emperor in history or a popular singer ten years ago, these sculptures will continue to be valuable regardless of the discovery. On the contrary, if the miniatures are huge in quantity, or these miniatures were simply copying another artistic school, the prices of them can hardly go up.

In sum, the author lacks both detailed evidences as well as precise reasoning to make a sound argument. If I were the author, I might investigate into the discovery of the archeologist and see if there are other discoveries to substantiate the finding in Kali. Also, I will try to find other evidences to rule out those possibilities mentioned above to make a better argument.

[ 本帖最后由 pewcg8 于 2006-8-4 23:36 编辑 ]

dicmiUID: 183392

写的不错，思路很开阔~~

peter：）

dicmiUID: 183392

B1段的首句没有明确表示出TS
B3段的首句太模糊了，到第二句才出现了TS
不否认这样有铺垫作用，但是还是要为ETS着想的说~~

pewcg8UID: 2143213

TS不突出这个问题我一定会改的,要不又对不起观众了!!!
呵呵,谢谢.

jallineUID: 2192970

阅过, 的确很不错的文章~

不过对什么样的句子是Argument的TS, 还是不大清楚的说
"In the first place, the discovery of those archeologists might not be representative concerning all sculptures in Kali."
dicmi为什么觉得这句不明确呢?
一定要归结到"作者犯了.....的错误"这样的意思上吗?

dicmiUID: 183392

nod阿。。

B1的这句话应该说是我们用来攻击的一个论据吧。不是文章里面能直接得出来的东西吧？
要批驳的就是要直接咯

pewcg8UID: 2143213

自己再检讨一个,正文段1写的不流畅.

dicmiUID: 183392

赫赫。要是都能写出这么详尽的中文提纲的话

Arg只要照着翻译就可以了~~赫赫

pewcg8UID: 2143213

我就是写提纲的时候来劲,继续写正文的时候觉得印堂发黑,双目发白......
自己觉得写提纲还是比较不错的.要是能拿提纲交上去就好了.

wp123UID: 2187508

恩,废话很少,这样很好.

pewcg8UID: 2143213

我个人感觉本句还是可以作为TS的,因为这些话已经点出了问题,后边就是具体的分析了.
通过对官方范文的分析,人家的5,6分的范文一般有三种段TS.
1.就是dicmi说的直接指出问题,然后后面进一步分析.
2.指出问题的所在,然后后面分析.
3.不指出问题,这个算是比较随意的.下面是例子:
实例：
（１）        However, the citizens of Forestville are failing to consider other possible alternatives to the increasing car accidents after the raise in speed limit.（这句是TS,提示我们可能要说的是关于increasing car accidents的other possible alternatives）然后紧接着就是such......衔接上去，最后全段都是在说这个alternatives.） Such alternatives may include the fact that there are less (这个就是所谓的minor grammar error) reliable cars traveling the roads in Forestville,(车况的不同) or that the age bracket（年龄限制） of those in Elmsford may be more conducive to driving safely. （驾驶者本身的情况不同） It is possible that there are more younger, inexperienced, or more elderly, unsafe drivers in Forestville than there are in Elmsford.  In addition, the citizens have failed to consider the geographical and physical terrain of the two different areas. （道路状况的不同） Perhaps Forestville's highway is in an area of more dangerous curves, sharp turns, or has many intersections or merging points where accidents are more likely to occur.  It appears reasonable, therefore, for the citizens to focus on these trouble spots than to reduce the speed in the entire area.  Elmsford may be an area of easier driving conditions where accidents are less likely to occur regardless of the speed limit.（首先上来攻击类比的问题，其实可以看出来，作者根本没有用什么高深的逻辑学知识，就是以交通事故为核心，找出两个城镇在交通状况，驾驶员年龄以及车况这三个方面的不同，从而攻击原文作者在这里进行的类比．我的收获是，不是必须用摸版在这里写，只要层次分明的详细描述这两个town的区别就可以，这样的语言写的比较具体，否则搬摸版上来，显得比较抽象和＂虚＂）
（２）        Using a piece of land to build a school is not the same thing as using it for natural parkland.(TS!) While (用连接词过度)all the members of the community could potentially benefit from a parkland, only a percentage of the population would realistically benefit from a new school. （本句解释“what”）The author fails to recognize people like the senior citizens of the community.  What interest do they have in a new school?  It only means higher taxes for them to pay.  They will likely never to and utilize the school for anything.  On the other hand, anyone can go to a park and enjoy the natural beauty and peacefulness.  The use of the land for a school would destroy the benefit of a park for everyone.  In turn, it would supply a school only to groups of people in exactly the right age range, not too young or too old, to reap the benefits.（解释“how”）。(一般在A中不用解释why.)
（３）        Even if one accepts the survey results, the argument remains questionable. (TS) The argument assumes that the correlation between the use of SMILEBRIGHT and capped teeth means that SMILE BRIGHT causes the need for capped teeth.(what!)  But the argument fails to provide sufficient evidence to support the conclusion.  In addition, the argument fails to consider the possibility that people who already have capped teeth might prefer SMILEBRIGHT as a toothpaste because it works better on capped teeth.(how)

pewcg8UID: 2143213

网友意见：
１．B1段的首句没有明确表示出TS
B3段的首句太模糊了，到第二句才出现了TS
不否认这样有铺垫作用，但是还是要为ETS着想的说~~
我的理解：段首的TS确实需要再修饰．写的简练，明确！

In the argument, the author claims that artists in ancient Kali used molds of human bodies instead of tools and techniques to do sculpting. This claim is based on a recent discovery of some archeologists and an assumption that "molds could only be used for life-size sculptures." The author also concludes that changes in opposite directions might take place in the values of both life-size sculptures and miniatures. （删去restate部分，不做这样的无用功！）This seemingly plausible but misleading（修改，这个plausible本身就包含seemingly的含义） argument suffers from several logical flaws after careful scrutinizing.补充Thesis：The discovery made by some archeologists can not account for the difference in two kinds of Kalinese statues and the changes in the value of these historical relics.

In the first place, the discovery of those archeologists might not be representative concerning(改用for比较合适) all sculptures in Kali. It is entirely possible that this very discovery is （改用covers/includes/contain）only a part of Kalinese cultural relics and maybe a small part of them. Therefore, before more relics are excavated, the author can not draw his conclusion about all cultural relics in Kali so hastily. (表示匆忙的：hasty-hastily)Also, some other factors such as a fierce battle between Kali and a nearby country, a large population migration and those grave robbers could make other relics fade away. We have witnessed so many historical relics destroyed throughout history that it is no surprise that such a ruin happen in Kali. Another possibility is that these archeologists have only unearthed some areas of Kali. (重复了前面的部分，删去！)In addition, those molds might be the creations of another culture and were spread(同形) to Kali. Therefore, more information is needed to draw the conclusion that Kalinese artists use only molds in their creations. （最后部分的总结）

Moreover, the assumption that molds can not be used for miniatures is absolutely unreasonable. What if artists in that time were able to make sculptures in any size according to simply one kind of mold? And the distinct features in the two kinds of sculpture mentioned in the argument could be explained in other ways without more detailed evidences. It is possible, that miniatures were used in religious sacrifices while larger sculptures were used in palaces. Then, it is no surprise （重复了前面的，替换为：it is normal）that miniatures in Kali are often abstract, Kalinese artists might create those miniatures abstractly to show their adorations. It is also possible that these two different kinds of creations were done by two art schools and consequently results in a difference in the appearance sculptures. Unfortunately, these possibilities are not ruled out in the argument.

Before I reach my final conclusion, it is quite necessary to canvass the conclusion(前面重复，改为预测：prediction) made by the author in the end of the argument. After comparing the life-size sculptures and the miniatures, the author asserts that prices will change. But as we all know, the prices(避免近距离的重复，改为value) of historical relics is based on several factors such as their quantity, their artistic value(艺术价值：artistic merit/value) and those famous people who have ever collected the relic. When these life-size sculptures once were collected by a famous emperor in history or a living popular singer, these sculptures will continue to be valuable regardless of this discovery. On the contrary, if the miniatures are huge in quantity, or these miniatures were simply copying another artistic school, the prices of them can hardly go up.

In sum,(删去废话)After careful consideration, the author lacks both detailed evidences as well as precise reasoning to make a sound argument. If I were the author, I might investigate into the discovery of the archeologist and see if there are other discoveries to substantiate the finding in Kali. Also, I will try to find other evidences to rule out those possibilities mentioned above to make a better argument.
兰色部分为修改增减的部分,欢迎继续提意见.