argument200 感觉例子阐述得不够充分深刻?

huangjj1962UID: 2189601

The argument has some loopholes in the process of reasoning which undermine its validity, for the author hastily bases his conclusion that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental  work done than women are on a vague survey with no extra illustrations. With the help of a series of possibilities and explanations about why more men tend to appear nervous than women that is not considered above, a close examination will reveal how foolish and shortlighted the emphasis on the male consumer is.

In the first place, to substantiate his affirmation, the author cites statistics form dentists which show that three times more men than women feel nervous about dental work, while the result at the first glance indicate that indeed men are more easily "touched", the author fails to address other options when concentrating too much on the surface phenomenon. fails to mention the proportion of men and women visiting the dentist. Perhaps originally more men went to see doctors, so it’s not strange when we see more man will become faint. There is no direct correlation between men's fainting and their distress about having dental work done. Those men might also faint on the road in the strong sunshine, because of stress at their work or knots in his stomachs. The causes may vary. An alternative explanation is that most of men go there for the purpose of severe tooth pain, yet women go there aiming to make up for more beautiful and bright teeth, in the case surely the degree of pain each side must suffer is different, since at the thought of a process of 'noisy and shaking" pulling, few male will feel well. On the other hand, women tend to avoid the visiting to dentist when they are not in a good status, as long as the discomfort is not unbearable, so maybe in a high rate women will not go to see doctor when confront the same problem of tooth, which resulting in the advantage of the number in men's turning to dentists for help, but having nothing to do with which gender is more timid.

Even we concede that men are more likely to get nerve by nature, it doesn't follow that the dentists should ignore women consumers and put an undue emphasis on men. As we mentioned above, there is chances that more women don't go to see doctor not because they are free of tooth problem but they don't want to take the trouble. So if clinics can do some advertisement to convince women that their treatment would grant women more benefit, maybe more women than men will accept the business. Moreover, only by promoting the effectiveness and anesthetic techniques will not necessarily the male feel contented, in that it is not only these aspects but also quality of service and costs of operation that play essential role in their assessment to one clinics.   No successful advertisement should be narrowly targeted to male customers when the product might be equally effective to females.

In sum, the author's endeavor to search the causes of men's higher degree of nerve and his initiative analysis of statistics form dentists are worth appreciating, while putting things as simply as this seldom reaches cogent consequences. With more explicit information and data about what male and female patients are thinking, the author is to put forward a more persuasive and effective method to arreact patients.

ChunyanLi2005UID: 2124266

The argument has some loopholes in the process of reasoning which undermineundermines its validity, for the author hastily bases his conclusion that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental  work done than women are on a vague survey with no extra这个词在这用不好吧 the arguer本身并没有充分阐述 所以 不妨说necessary illustrations. With the help of a series of possibilities and explanations about why more men tend to appear nervous than women that is not considered above这个that 引导的句子在这里好像不是很顺畅, a close examination will reveal how foolish and shortlighted the emphasis on the male consumer is. 开头建议在修改一下

In the first place, to substantiate his affirmation, the author cites statistics form dentists which showshows that three times more men than women feel nervous about dental work,建议这边断句 while the result at the first glance indicateindicates that indeed men are more easily "touched", the author fails to address other options when concentrating too much on the surface phenomenon. fails to mention the proportion of men and women visiting the dentist. Perhaps originally more men went to see doctors, so it’s not strange when we see more man will become faint.建议下面另起一段 There is no direct correlation between men's fainting and their distress about having dental work done. Those men might also faint on the road in the strong sunshine, because of stress at their work or knots in his stomachs. The causes may vary. An alternative explanation is that most of men go there for the purpose of severe tooth pain, yet women go there aiming to make up for more beautiful and bright teeth, in the case surely the degree of pain each side must suffer is different这个例子不错, since at the thought of a process of 'noisy and shaking" pulling, few male will feel well. On the other hand, women tend to avoid the visiting to dentist when they are not in a good status, as long as the discomfort is not unbearable, so maybe in a high rate women will not go to see doctor when confront the same problem of tooth, which resulting in the advantage of the number in men's turning to dentists for help, but having nothing to do with which gender is more timid.你想写成长难句的想法是好的 不过这句话的成分有点乱

Even we concede that men are more likely to get nerve by nature, it doesn't follow that the dentists should ignore women consumers and put an undue emphasis on men. As we mentioned above, there isare chances that more women don't go to see doctor not because they are free of tooth problem but they don't want to take the trouble. So if clinics can do some advertisement to convince women that their treatment would grant women more benefit, maybe more women than men will accept the business.赞 Moreover, only by promoting the effectiveness and anesthetic techniques will not necessarily the male feel contented, in that it is not only these aspects but also quality of service and costs of operation that play essential role in their assessment to one clinics.   No successful advertisement should be narrowly targeted to male customers when the product might be equally effective to females.

In sum, the author's endeavor to search the causes of men's higher degree of nerve and his initiative analysis of statistics form dentists are worth appreciating, while putting things as simply as this seldom reaches cogent consequences. With more explicit information and data about what male and female patients are thinking, the author is to put forward a more persuasive and effective method to arreact patients.这后面写得好像原来的argument写的已经plausible了似的 只不过再添些内容会更好似的，我觉得 你不应该承认原文plausible应该认为原文not plausible应该有足够的证据后 才能变得plausible 建议结尾再改改！

来批批我的
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1