Argument105 [越洋农场及同主题]pewcg8,真实模考

pewcg8UID: 2143213

TOPIC: ARGUMENT105 - The following appeared in a health newsletter.

"According to a recent study, people with many social ties report catching colds less often than do people with few social ties. Consequently, researchers conclude that having an active social life probably helps strengthen the immune system. The researchers note that catching a cold-one of a family of highly contagious viruses-gives the cold-sufferer temporary immunity to that virus in the future, but not to the many other related viruses. Merely being exposed to a new cold virus, however, is not enough for a person to catch a cold, since a strong immune system can successfully fight off some new viruses. Thus, in order to prevent catching a cold, people should strengthen their immune systems by becoming more active socially."
WORDS: 501          TIME: 0:29:53          DATE: 2006-8-17
论据１：people with many social ties report catching colds less often than do people with few social ties
结论１：（直接从论据１得出，小推论）having an active social life probably helps strengthen the immune system
前提：catching a cold-one of a family of highly contagious viruses-gives the cold-sufferer temporary immunity to that virus in the future, but not to the many other related viruses.－就是说得某一种感冒虽然会导致人们有暂时的抗体，但是本抗体只针对这一种病毒，不具有推广性．
论据２：a strong immune system can successfully fight off some new viruses
结论２：in order to prevent catching a cold, people should strengthen their immune systems by becoming more active socially
分析：
１．        论据１和结论１之间不一定有必然联系，是否有忽略了一些其他的原因呢？而且这个less是多大程度的less呢？如果是很小的差别，可以当作随机事件．而且是不是因为people with many social ties比较开放，比较容易关注这些健康类的消息？等等．作者没有给出科学合理的解释来说明两这的科学关系．后边强调的是免疫系统的问题，那么是否这些人都有很好的免疫系统呢？
２．        强壮的免疫系统可以使人抵抗一些新的病毒，但是这些病毒不是全部，而且我们还不知道是不是关于感冒的病毒，而且不是所有的感冒都是病毒性的啊！
３．        作者建议多社交关系，可能有负面效果，比如说可能说造成传染更容易，特别是在感冒的高发季节．
实际写的时候有些变化:
1,3合并作文B1
把2分开作为B2 B3

This seemingly sound argument draws conclusion that people can be kept from colds by communicate more often with other people. Based on dubious evidence and illogical reasoning, this claim is far from perfect.

The survey cited by the author to make this assertion has to be carefully considered. The fact that more social ties and consequently less chances to catch a cold does not necessary mean that these social ties do really affect the immune system as mentioned in the argument. The author infers that communicate with more people can strengthen people's immune system, however, other factors are not ruled out. It is possible that those who have many social ties pay more attention to their health because to join parties and meetings, people have to keep fit. Therefore, they would like to exercise often, take care of themselves more carefully, and all of which can decrease their chances to catch a cold. More importantly, persuading people to establish more social ties would be somewhat counterproductive since those flues are easily transported by communicating with other people. The author has to consider these alternatives and side-effects.

Also, the author simply take his assumption that immune system can deal with all colds if it is strong enough for sure, which lacks scientific support. No evidence is provided regarding the immune system, especially about its function when dealing with colds. Even if people can create a strong immune system by obtaining more social ties, it is still completely possible that this strong immune system does not work during attacks by new kinds of viruses which cause new kinds of cold. Although the author mentioned some new viruses, he fails to persuade us that these new viruses conclude all kinds of colds.

Moreover, another flaw is that the author neglects other colds that are not caused by viruses. As we all know, people catch two or more kinds of cold. One is caused by viruses and the other is caused by fast changing temperatures, or illness in other parts of the body. While immune systems do work in the case of the former, one can hardly believe that strong immune system can prevent him from catching the latter kind of cold. My father is a doctor in my community who deals with colds and other kinds of sickness which are not serious enough. He has seen many patients who had a cold, among these patients, only a small part of them are caused by viruses. Some of those people who are just unfit during changing of the temperature are actually strong football players and workers. It is obvious their strong immune systems do not work in front of these colds.

Therefore, the author surely makes an illogical conclusion. Maybe another survey concerning these people's immune system rather than their social ties might work better in making this argument. A cause and effect relationship has to be established between a person with many social ties and a lower chance of catching all kinds of cold.

只爱小不点UID: 2189745

纯粹来学习的～～LZ开头和结尾很有个人特色，在模考环境下写出这么不错的文章真令我佩服，我现在还停留在30分钟只能写200多字的阶段～～汗，还有10天就考了！不过我始终对 Merely  那段的作用搞不明白。是想论证由此可见人们更应该参加 social life 吗？比较费解。你好像没有直接说明这个地方，似乎从另一个角度进行了论述，指点一下吧：）

sarahzhanUID: 2111348

早上我也写了这片 就比你多了一个字~
502胶水 呵呵

pewcg8UID: 2143213

Merely  那段??
哪个merely?
我的三个body是:
1.社会关系多少和免疫系统不是直接因果关系
2.即使确实影响免疫系统,并不意味着此免疫系统能对付所有的由病毒引起的感冒
3.即使此免疫系统能对付由病毒引起的感冒,他也不意味着其他非病毒引起的感冒也能对付.

这次还创新了一下,B3编了一个例子帮助说明

pewcg8UID: 2143213

那我去拍你啊!

bearhjUID: 2218990

能在30分钟之内写成这样，已经很不错很不错拉
不过有几个小问题值得在进一步总结一下

首先是语言问题，呵呵。
可能是受到XDF老师的影响，总觉得语言可以再提高一点。有些词重复了好多次，句型也可以再多样化一点。可以考虑多用一些短语，听说看起来会好很多。

然后就是没有提到免疫系统和social ties的关联。我觉得这也是一个逻辑错误，应该好好批它一下的。

最后说一句——为什么要写A105……好变态的题目……
嘿嘿，说笑的。
你已经写得不错了，继续努力哈

pewcg8UID: 2143213

我的B1批驳的就是你说的这个问题

wp123UID: 2187508

发威了。

pewcg8UID: 2143213

呵呵

geniegoUID: 201395

不好意思，现在才改好！

This seemingly sound argument draws conclusion that people can be kept from colds by communicate more often with other people. Based on dubious evidence and illogical reasoning, this claim is far from perfect.很地道的说法，但是很像模板
开头很简洁，没有详细复述原文的论点论据，很喜欢！

The survey cited by the author to make this assertion has to be carefully considered.模板化的话语，直接表达观点就好 The fact that more social ties and consequently less chances to catch a cold does not necessary mean that these social ties do really affect the immune system as mentioned in the argument. The author infers that communicate with more people can strengthen people's immune system, however, other factors are not ruled out. It is possible that those who have many social ties pay more attention to their health because to join parties and meetings, people have to keep fit.这个例子有些牵强，或者说这点你证明的不够充分，你可以指出如果一个人的社交比较广，首先，社交比较关注的一个话题就是健康，那么社交广的人自然更加aware of 健康 Therefore, they would like to exercise often, take care of themselves more carefully, and all of which can decrease their chances to catch a cold. More importantly, persuading people to establish more social ties would be somewhat counterproductive since those flues are easily transported by communicating with other people. The author has to consider these alternatives and side-effects.
论证的构架很清晰，好像你的语言方面有提高，gxgx,上次受那个小朋友刺激以后好像有努力哦，觉得你写的一些语言很流畅了，也比较地道

另外，你选择在这段复述题目的一部分内容，我很赞同这样的写法，这样可以论证的比较有针对性，但是好像大众还是比较倾向于在首段复述

Also, the author simply take his assumption that immune system can deal with all colds if it is strong enough for sure, which lacks scientific support. No evidence is provided regarding the immune system, especially about its function when dealing with colds. Even if people can create a strong immune system by obtaining more social ties, it is still completely possible that this strong immune system does not work during attacks by new kinds of viruses which cause new kinds of cold.流畅 Although the author mentioned some new viruses, he fails to persuade us that these new viruses conclude all kinds of colds.


Moreover, another flaw is that the author neglects other colds that are not caused by viruses. As we all know, people catch two or more kinds of cold. One is caused by viruses and the other is caused by fast changing temperatures, or illness in other parts of the body. While immune systems do work in the case of the former, one can hardly believe that strong immune system can prevent him from catching the latter kind of cold.我觉得好的抵抗力，理论上，可以抵御非病毒性感冒，并不是你说的这么绝对，你所要针对题目的immune system can deal with all colds这种绝对说法，所以只要在程度上说明对于温度变化带来的感冒，免疫力并没有十分明显的成效 My father is a doctor in my community who deals with colds and other kinds of sickness which are not serious enough. He has seen many patients who had a cold, among these patients, only a small part of them are caused by viruses. Some of those people who are just unfit ,during changing of the temperature, are actually strong football players and workers. It is obvious their strong immune systems do not work in front of these colds.
很清晰的论证结构，每一句话都有各自的功能

Therefore, the author surely makes an illogical conclusion.很模板化 Maybe another survey concerning these people's immune system rather than their social ties might work better in making this argument. A cause and effect relationship has to be established between a person with many social ties and a lower chance of catching all kinds of cold没看十分明白，是要说需要提供很明确的科学依据么？.
不是说结尾段是要和开头呼应么，为什么这样写呢？其实我也很不喜欢那种写法，很想和你讨论一下

你的语言很流畅还有一些比较地道的语言用法，另外就是结构，基本上你的每一句话都有明显的功用，我想老美会很喜欢

只是觉得你的他因，分析上有点欠缺，也就是上面说的牵强之处，我想多看网上的提纲就ok了



This seemingly sound argument draws conclusion that people can be kept from colds by communicate more often with other people. Based on dubious evidence and illogical reasoning, this claim is far from perfect.很地道的说法，但是很像模板
开头很简洁，没有详细复述原文的论点论据，很喜欢！

The survey cited by the author to make this assertion has to be carefully considered.模板化的话语，直接表达观点就好 The fact that more social ties and consequently less chances to catch a cold does not necessary mean that these social ties do really affect the immune system as mentioned in the argument. The author infers that communicate with more people can strengthen people's immune system, however, other factors are not ruled out. It is possible that those who have many social ties pay more attention to their health because to join parties and meetings, people have to keep fit.这个例子有些牵强，或者说这点你证明的不够充分，你可以指出如果一个人的社交比较广，首先，社交比较关注的一个话题就是健康，那么社交广的人自然更加aware of 健康 Therefore, they would like to exercise often, take care of themselves more carefully, and all of which can decrease their chances to catch a cold. More importantly, persuading people to establish more social ties would be somewhat counterproductive since those flues are easily transported by communicating with other people. The author has to consider these alternatives and side-effects.
论证的构架很清晰，好像你的语言方面有提高，gxgx,上次受那个小朋友刺激以后好像有努力哦，觉得你写的一些语言很流畅了，也比较地道

另外，你选择在这段复述题目的一部分内容，我很赞同这样的写法，这样可以论证的比较有针对性，但是好像大众还是比较倾向于在首段复述

Also, the author simply take his assumption that immune system can deal with all colds if it is strong enough for sure, which lacks scientific support. No evidence is provided regarding the immune system, especially about its function when dealing with colds. Even if people can create a strong immune system by obtaining more social ties, it is still completely possible that this strong immune system does not work during attacks by new kinds of viruses which cause new kinds of cold.流畅 Although the author mentioned some new viruses, he fails to persuade us that these new viruses conclude all kinds of colds.


Moreover, another flaw is that the author neglects other colds that are not caused by viruses. As we all know, people catch two or more kinds of cold. One is caused by viruses and the other is caused by fast changing temperatures, or illness in other parts of the body. While immune systems do work in the case of the former, one can hardly believe that strong immune system can prevent him from catching the latter kind of cold.我觉得好的抵抗力，理论上，可以抵御非病毒性感冒，并不是你说的这么绝对，你所要针对题目的immune system can deal with all colds这种绝对说法，所以只要在程度上说明对于温度变化带来的感冒，免疫力并没有十分明显的成效 My father is a doctor in my community who deals with colds and other kinds of sickness which are not serious enough. He has seen many patients who had a cold, among these patients, only a small part of them are caused by viruses. Some of those people who are just unfit ,during changing of the temperature, are actually strong football players and workers. It is obvious their strong immune systems do not work in front of these colds.
很清晰的论证结构，每一句话都有各自的功能

Therefore, the author surely makes an illogical conclusion.很模板化 Maybe another survey concerning these people's immune system rather than their social ties might work better in making this argument. A cause and effect relationship has to be established between a person with many social ties and a lower chance of catching all kinds of cold没看十分明白，是要说需要提供很明确的科学依据么？.
不是说结尾段是要和开头呼应么，为什么这样写呢？其实我也很不喜欢那种写法，很想和你讨论一下

你的语言很流畅还有一些比较地道的语言用法，另外就是结构，基本上你的每一句话都有明显的功用，我想老美会很喜欢

只是觉得你的他因，分析上有点欠缺，也就是上面说的牵强之处，我想多看网上的提纲就ok了