Issue130还有一周就考了,欢迎大家拍!

ChunyanLi2005UID: 2124266

Issue130
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  共用时间：不成功     633 words

大家尽管拍吧!谢谢大家了
------题目------
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
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I agree with the author that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society, since children in some sense means our future. However, I am not agreeable on the statement that we have not yet learned how to raise children. Maybe our effort is just not enough.

Children are very important for the future of the society, and they determine the destiny of society. One must realize that just about 20years, the dominant of the society is children. So which direction will the society go to is mastered by children. And their education will highly affect their ideas and behavior. As a result we must highly concern to them and try our best to offer the best education to them.

We have tried to consummate education system for decades and professors in education have worked hard on it. As we know, people's general hope is to make a peaceful world and communicate with each other in a free environment. To gain for that, we should educate our children to learn how to communicate with others well. And certainly we have learned to teach them, though some children may be not received or accept to it. In school, children are provided classes to learn moral standards and let them to make what they learn into practice. In my country, children are very polite to older people and they often try to communicate with each others. For example, when taking a bus, if there is an old aged person stand beside him or her, he or she is always give the seat to the old one. And in school, when quarrel happens to some children, with the help of teacher or parents, the children will hand to hand, shoulder to shoulder again. Much phenomenon proves that children's moral standards are higher than older aged people. So we can see that we have learned to raise them in right direction.

However, although children's education, in some extent, is much better days to days, we still have not provided the best one. I believe curriculums for teaching knowledge in science and technology is good enough and we have surely provide a free environment to let them think what they like to think and do what they believe is right. And we also provide educations on moral standards to them and make them communicate with others in a polite way. But we have not learned to provide a good enough environment for their growth. Nowadays, as media devices such as television, Internet and so on, some bad effect was brought to them and we still have not learned to teach them how to use them in a right way and how to avoid get the same evil ideas presenting in the media.

Everybody may have seen some scandals, some sexual pictures or films, and some crude behaviors presented in the Internet, all of which are also seen by our children. It brings a very serious effect to them. Most of them like to play violate games provided in the Internet and gradually they like to behavior violate in life. And sexual pictures flashing on the Internet make them premature and learn to insult weak ones. The phenomenon has warned us that we still have not learned to protect them from evil things and teach them how to resist to evil. In this case, great efforts should be made to provide our children a better environment.

To sum up, children are primary impetus to our society in the future,
and they determine the destiny of our society. As a result how they are socialized is very important. I believe they are offered a much better environment to learn science and moral standards. However, some much improvement must be taken to provide a better environment during their growth.

lxmsosUID: 2133854

I agree with the author that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society, since children in some sense means our future. However, I am not agreeable on the statement that we have not yet learned how to raise children. Maybe our effort is just not enough.

Children are very important for the future of the society, and they determine the destiny of society. One must realize that just about 20years, the dominant of the society is children.So which direction will the society go to is mastered by children. And their education will highly affect their ideas and behavior. As a result we must highly concern to them and try our best to offer the best education to them.

We have tried to consummate ( Good, I do not know this word) education system for decades and professors in education have worked hard on it. As we know, people's general hope is to make a peaceful world and communicate with each other in a free environment. To gain for that (too Chingilish?), we should educate our children to learn how to communicate with others well. And certainly we have learned to teach them, though some children may be not received or accept to it. In school, children are provided classes to learn moral standards and let them to make what they learn into practice. (And前后最好主语一致）In my country, children are very polite to older people and they often try to communicate with each others. For example, when taking a bus, if there is an old aged person stand beside him or her, he or she is always give the seat to the old one. And in school, when （a）quarrel happens to some children, with the help of teacher or parents, the children will hand to hand, shoulder to shoulder again. Much phenomenon proves that children's moral standards are higher than older aged people. So we can see that we have learned to raise them in right direction.

However, although children's education, in some extent, is much better days to days, we still have not provided the best one. I believe curriculums for teaching knowledge in science and technology is good enough and we have surely provide a free environment to let them think what they like to think and do what they believe is right. And we also provide educations on moral standards to them and make them communicate with others in a polite way. But we have not learned to provide a good enough environment for their growth. Nowadays, as media devices such as television, Internet and so on, some bad effect was brought to them and we still have not learned to teach them how to use them in a right way and how to avoid get the same evil ideas presenting in the media.

Everybody may have seen some scandals, some sexual pictures or films, and some crude behaviors presented in the Internet, all of which are also seen by our children. It brings a very serious effect to them. Most of them like to play violate games provided in the Internet and gradually they like to behavior violate （have violence tendency is better? Violate is a norn,by the way）in life. And sexual pictures flashing on the Internet make them premature and learn to insult weak ones.(Who is weak ones? better make it more clear since you did not mention it before) The phenomenon has warned us that we still have not learned to protect them from evil things and teach them how to resist to evil. In this case, great efforts should be made to provide our children a better environment.( This is a good paragraph in general)

To sum up, children are primary impetus to our society in the future,
and they determine the destiny of our society. As a result how they are socialized is very important. I believe they are offered a much better environment to learn science and moral standards. However, some much improvement must be taken (made) to provide a better environment during their growth.

楼主的文章还是有进步的，不过在表达上还是应更多注意表达的Clearity， Eg。
One must realize that just about 20years, the dominant of the society is children.
。。。。。the children will hand to hand, shoulder to shoulder again.
虽然我明白你的意思，我觉得Native会觉得晦涩！

感觉另一个问题是文章有些Wordy，能一句话说就不用两句了，也不见得都要写600多，不是有一篇6分Argument还不到400字吗？个人认为应当求精，呵呵。

以上两点建议，请笑纳！:p