issue221[0706g大虾]有拍必回 回拍必狠

OcirlinUID: 2138355

题目：ISSUE221 - "The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history."
字数：460          用时：0:45:00          日期：2006-10-20

Is the main benefit of the history study is to break down the illusion that people in different periods of time are of great differences? I agree with the speaker insofar as that from the process of learning history, we can know that some fundamentally human natures have not changed through thousands of years, nonetheless, innumerable aspects of we human being and the society have been changing with the pace of the time. Moreover, studying history has a lot of benefits which I will demonstrate later.
      My argument towards the speaker is that I believe several basic aspects of human, remain the same as what is in the ancient people. Consider these impulses, greed, jealousness and so on, a modern gentleman may do these kind of things as his ancestors did hundreds, or thousands ,of years ago. I should point out here that albeit science and technology has been developing in a dramatically velocity from two hundreds years ago, our mind, I mean the ethnical and moral mind, cannot keep the same pace with the developing science and technology. To some extent, by studying the history we can clearly know that people living in different times are not quite different in their behaviors.
     However, just as I have discussed above, the technological revolution has created a series of far-reaching impacts. Modern technology has lead to great changes in our mode of living, communicating and learning. For instance, the invention of telephone changed our way in communicating significantly. Ancient people could hardly imagine that people nowadays speaking to a small cuboid from which people can hear the voice of his friend thousands miles away. Now with the popularization of personal computer and Internet, the modern life , ten years ago almost no people could imagine, becomes more fast and more efficient. So, the speaker's assertion may neglect some crucial aspects that oppose him.
     Another argument for myself to disagree with the speaker is that by studying history we can get not only the cognition to the society but also the revelation to our daily life.  History is mirror and from the wrong actions what we and our ancestors did yesterday we can think back to ourselves. For instance, it is just from seeing that the severe contamination of the world and knowing the influential impacts people begin to put their attentions to the pollution problem and gradually reduce the chemical substances discharged to the nature.
     To sum up, studying history is useful not only because that by the process of studying history, we can clearly see the similarities and differences between we and our ancestors but also that we have to look back to ourselves to consider what is the most severe problem and then spare no efforts to address it.

[ 本帖最后由 Ocirlin 于 2006-10-21 12:53 编辑 ]

小马家家UID: 2247022

占位 占位

小马家家UID: 2247022

Is the main benefit of the history study is(去掉is) to break down the illusion that people in different periods of time are of great differences? I agree with the speaker insofar as that from the process of learning history, we can know that some fundamentally(改为fundamental) human natures have not changed through thousands of years, nonetheless, innumerable aspects of we human being and the society have been changing with the pace of the time. Moreover, studying history has a lot of benefits which I will demonstrate later.开头还不错
      My argument towards the speaker is that I believe several basic aspects of human, remain the same as what is in the ancient people. Consider(这个用法能解释下吗？ 祈使句) these impulses, greed, jealousness and so on, a modern gentleman may do these kind of things as his ancestors did hundreds, or thousands, of years ago. I should point out here that albeit science and technology has been developing in a dramatically velocity from two hundreds years ago, our mind, I mean the ethnical（ethical）and moral mind, cannot keep the same pace with the developing science and technology. To some extent, by studying the history we can clearly know that people living in different times are not quite different in their behaviors.
     However, just as I have discussed above, the technological revolution has created a series of far-reaching impacts. Modern technology has lead to great changes in our mode of living, communicating and learning. For instance, the invention of telephone changed our way in communicating significantly. Ancient people could hardly imagine that people nowadays speaking to a small cuboid(cube) from which people can hear the voice of his friend thousands miles away. Now with the popularization of personal computer and Internet, the modern life, ten years ago almost no people could imagine, becomes more fast（变的更快？）and more efficient. So, the speaker's assertion may neglect some crucial aspects that oppose him.
     Another argument for myself to disagree with the speaker is that by studying history we can get not only the cognition to the society but also the revelation to our daily life. History is mirror and from the wrong actions what we and our ancestors did yesterday we can think back to ourselves. For instance, it is just from seeing that the severe contamination of the world and knowing the influential impacts people begin to put their attentions to the pollution problem and gradually reduce the chemical substances discharged to the nature.
     To sum up, studying history is useful not only because that by the process of studying history, we can clearly see the similarities and differences between we and our ancestors but also that we have to look back to ourselves to consider what is the most severe problem and then spare no efforts to address it.
整体不错哦 结构清晰 段落之间 句与句之间连接自然
不过 we ,i 出现了好几次,不知道会不会影响,另外B4 因该是重点段吧 多展开下

OcirlinUID: 2138355

顶下哦 多点人改改

emmaandUID: 2132158

Is the main benefit of the history study is to break down the illusion that people in different periods of time are of great differences? I agree with the speaker insofar as that from the process of learning history, we can know that some fundamentally human natures have not changed through thousands of years, nonetheless, innumerable aspects of we删 human being and the society have been changing with the pace of the time. Moreover, studying history has a lot of benefits which I will demonstrate later.
      My argument towards the speaker is that I believe several basic aspects of human, remain the same as what is in the ancient people. （有点chinglish）Consider these impulses, greed, jealousness and so on, a modern gentleman may do these kind of things as his ancestors did hundreds, or thousands ,of years ago.（这句话的表达还有更改的余地，觉得consider好像有点问题） I should point out here that albeit science and technology has been developing in a dramatically velocity from two hundreds years ago, our mind, I mean the ethnical and moral mind, cannot keep the same pace with the developing science and technology. （怎么有点口语话的感觉，as we known, with the dramatically development on science and technology during nearly two hundreds years, though we got a huge leaps on them, our ethnical and moral could not keep neck with the space, ）(这里再加点内容来充实你前面的观点，怎样没有keep same pace 了，不过反问一句，人类的道德这种主观的东西怎样与科技的进步来keep pace，不懂了，请指教)To some extent,（这个词组来在这里作为一个引出总结性的话语好像不是很好。） by studying the history we can clearly know that people living in different times are not quite different in their behaviors.
     However, just as I have discussed above, the technological revolution has created a series of far-reaching impacts. Modern technology has lead to great changes in our mode of living, communicating and learning. For instance, the invention of telephone changed our way in communicating significantly. Ancient people could hardly imagine that people nowadays speaking to a small cuboid from which people can hear the voice of his friend thousands miles away. Now with the popularization of personal computer and Internet, the modern life , ten years ago almost no people could imagine, becomes more fast and more efficient. So, the speaker's assertion may neglect some crucial aspects that oppose him.
     Another argument for myself to disagree with the speaker is that by studying history we can get not only the cognition to the society but also the revelation to our daily life.  History is mirror and from the wrong actions what we and our ancestors did yesterday we can think back to ourselves. For instance, it is just from seeing that the severe contamination of the world and knowing the influential impacts people begin to put their attentions to the pollution problem and gradually reduce the chemical substances discharged to the nature.
     To sum up, studying history is useful not only because that by the process of studying history, we can clearly see the similarities and differences between we and our ancestors but also that we have to look back to ourselves to consider what is the most severe problem and then spare no efforts to address it.
表扬的话偶就不多说了，就提下你这篇文章的问题吧，（后面两段表述还是很流畅的，主要从内容和结构上帮你看了下）
1．        语言表述上还得加强，
2．        段落还不够丰满，论证还不够充实，感觉好像还没有怎么分析就总结了。
3．        再有就是你这篇文章很一个很严重得问题：题目是在讲通过 study history我们收益而打破幻像，是不是我们应该把重点放在history上，而你只有一段是从history讲，文章得整重点都在介绍因为科技的进步造成了我们现代人与古代人的区别，个人认为，我们应该重点在于表述出研究历史是如何break假象的，而我们有是怎样收益于历史也就是说与过去的联系吧。我也不知道你这样算不算跑题，仅个人意见，不对的地方请指教, 继续努力哈^_^。

airbotsUID: 2225434

Is the main benefit of the history study is to break down the illusion that people in different periods of time are of great differences? I agree with the speaker insofar as that from the process of learning history, we can know that some fundamentally human natures have not changed through thousands of years, nonetheless, innumerable aspects of we human being and the society have been changing with the pace of the time. Moreover, studying history has a lot of benefits which I will demonstrate later.
      My argument towards the speaker is that I believe several basic aspects of human, remain the same as what is in the ancient people. Consider these impulses, greed, jealousness and so on, a modern gentleman may do these kind of things as his ancestors did hundreds, or thousands ,of years ago. I should point out here that albeit science and technology has been developing in a dramatically velocity from two hundreds years ago, our mind, I mean the ethnical and moral mind, cannot keep the same pace with the developing science and technology. To some extent, by studying the history we can clearly know that people living in different times are not quite different in their behaviors.

第一人称最好只在首段和末段使用，否则论证过程会有主观推测的感觉。这段需要例子支持一下，就更丰满了。
     However, just as I have discussed above, the technological revolution has created a series of far-reaching impacts. Modern technology has lead to great changes in our mode of living, communicating and learning. For instance, the invention of telephone changed our way in communicating significantly. Ancient people could hardly imagine that people nowadays speaking to a small cuboid from which people can hear the voice of his friend thousands miles away. Now with the popularization of personal computer and Internet, the modern life , ten years ago almost no people could imagine, becomes more fast and more efficient. So, the speaker's assertion may neglect some crucial aspects that oppose him.
     Another argument for myself to disagree with the speaker is that by studying history we can get not only the cognition to the society but also the revelation to our daily life.  History is a mirror and from the wrong actions what we and our ancestors did yesterday we can think back to ourselves. For instance, it is just from seeing that the severe contamination of the world and knowing the influential impacts people begin to put their attentions to the pollution problem and gradually reduce the chemical substances discharged to the nature.
     To sum up, studying history is useful not only because that by the process of studying history, we can clearly see the similarities and differences between we and our ancestors but also that we have to look back to ourselves to consider what is the most severe problem and then spare no efforts to address it.

[ 本帖最后由 airbots 于 2006-10-23 15:44 编辑 ]

OcirlinUID: 2138355

恩 这个第一人称夺得问题一定改

鱼泡泡UID: 2132461

Is the main benefit of the history study is [去掉]to break down the illusion that people in different periods of time are of great differences? I agree with the speaker insofar as that from the process of learning history, we can know that some fundamentally human natures have not changed through thousands of years, nonetheless, innumerable aspects of we[去掉] human being and the society have been changing with the pace of the time. Moreover, studying history has a lot of benefits which I will demonstrate later.
      My argument towards the speaker is that I believe[我认为这可以删掉，或加一个First] several basic aspects of human, remain the same as what is in the ancient people. Consider these impulses, greed, jealousness and so on, a modern gentleman may do these kind of things as his ancestors did hundreds, or thousands ,of years ago.[consider 与may do造成谓语重复，可改为： modern gentlemen do many things ,such as impulses, greed, jealousness and so on ,as their ancestors did hundreds, or thousands, of years ago. ] I should point out here that albeit science and technology has been developing in a dramatically [dramatic]velocity from two hundreds years ago, our mind, I mean the ethnical and moral mind, cannot keep the same pace with the developing science and technology. [感觉行文不够正式，再好好想一下语言吧，另外好像没有例子具体说明论点]To some extent, [加一个therefore好像好一点]by studying the history we can clearly know that people living in different times are not quite different in [from] their behaviors.
     However, just as I have discussed above, the technological revolution has created a series of far-reaching impacts.[加个Also 吧] Modern technology has lead to great changes in our mode of living, communicating and learning. For instance, the invention of telephone changed our way in [to不定式]communicating significantly. Ancient people could hardly imagine that people nowadays speaking to a small cuboid from which people can hear the voice of his friend thousands miles away. Now with the popularization of personal computer and Internet, the modern life , ten years ago almost no people could imagine, becomes more fast and more efficient.[这个例子与主题好像没有联系，感觉这段主要写科技的进步的进步了] So, the speaker's assertion may neglect some crucial aspects that oppose him.[整体看这段似乎与论点无关，并没有有力的支持，你再看看吧]     Another argument for myself to disagree with the speaker is that by studying history we can get not only the cognition to the society but also the revelation to our daily life.  History is [a] mirror and from the wrong actions what we and our ancestors did yesterday we can think back to ourselves.[没读懂，好像有语法错误，尤其是定语从句] For instance, it is just from seeing that the severe contamination of the world and knowing the influential impacts people begin to put their attentions to the pollution problem and gradually reduce the chemical substances discharged to the nature.
     To sum up, studying history is useful not only because[感觉有点chinglish了，可以把not only放在we can的后面 ] that by the process of studying history, we can clearly see the similarities and differences between we and our ancestors but also that we have to look back to ourselves to consider what is the most severe problem and then [to，应与前面的to consider对应]spare no efforts to address it.

优点就不多说了吧，咱们看看问题吧：
1.        我认为语言的表达还有上升的空间，I,we,之类有点多
2.        个人感觉除第一段外，后面两段都没有围绕历史是如何打破假象的，而重在写了科技使得古人与现代人不同；另外，我觉得重点应该是突出支持二者是相同的吧

综上仅是个人意见，改得不好的地方多多包涵！还有感谢你给我改作文，希望以后能有更多的交流！一起加油吧！

鱼泡泡UID: 2132461

Is the main benefit of the history study is [去掉]to break down the illusion that people in different periods of time are of great differences? I agree with the speaker insofar as that from the process of learning history, we can know that some fundamentally human natures have not changed through thousands of years, nonetheless, innumerable aspects of we[去掉] human being and the society have been changing with the pace of the time. Moreover, studying history has a lot of benefits which I will demonstrate later.
      My argument towards the speaker is that I believe[我认为这可以删掉，或加一个First] several basic aspects of human, remain the same as what is in the ancient people. Consider these impulses, greed, jealousness and so on, a modern gentleman may do these kind of things as his ancestors did hundreds, or thousands ,of years ago.[consider 与may do造成谓语重复，可改为： modern gentlemen do many things ,such as impulses, greed, jealousness and so on ,as their ancestors did hundreds, or thousands, of years ago. ] I should point out here that albeit science and technology has been developing in a dramatically [dramatic]velocity from two hundreds years ago, our mind, I mean the ethnical and moral mind, cannot keep the same pace with the developing science and technology. [感觉行文不够正式，再好好想一下语言吧，另外好像没有例子具体说明论点]To some extent, [加一个therefore好像好一点]by studying the history we can clearly know that people living in different times are not quite different in [from] their behaviors.
     However, just as I have discussed above, the technological revolution has created a series of far-reaching impacts.[加个Also 吧] Modern technology has lead to great changes in our mode of living, communicating and learning. For instance, the invention of telephone changed our way in [to不定式]communicating significantly. Ancient people could hardly imagine that people nowadays speaking to a small cuboid from which people can hear the voice of his friend thousands miles away. Now with the popularization of personal computer and Internet, the modern life , ten years ago almost no people could imagine, becomes more fast and more efficient.[这个例子与主题好像没有联系，感觉这段主要写科技的进步的进步了] So, the speaker's assertion may neglect some crucial aspects that oppose him.[整体看这段似乎与论点无关，并没有有力的支持，你再看看吧]     Another argument for myself to disagree with the speaker is that by studying history we can get not only the cognition to the society but also the revelation to our daily life.  History is [a] mirror and from the wrong actions what we and our ancestors did yesterday we can think back to ourselves.[没读懂，好像有语法错误，尤其是定语从句] For instance, it is just from seeing that the severe contamination of the world and knowing the influential impacts people begin to put their attentions to the pollution problem and gradually reduce the chemical substances discharged to the nature.
     To sum up, studying history is useful not only because[感觉有点chinglish了，可以把not only放在we can的后面 ] that by the process of studying history, we can clearly see the similarities and differences between we and our ancestors but also that we have to look back to ourselves to consider what is the most severe problem and then [to，应与前面的to consider对应]spare no efforts to address it.

优点就不多说了吧，咱们看看问题吧：
1.        我认为语言的表达还有上升的空间，I,we,之类有点多
2.        个人感觉除第一段外，后面两段都没有围绕历史是如何打破假象的，而重在写了科技使得古人与现代人不同；另外，我觉得重点应该是突出支持二者是相同的吧

综上仅是个人意见，改得不好的地方多多包涵！还有感谢你给我改作文，希望以后能有更多的交流！一起加油吧！

expire7UID: 2160574

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