Issue51 [劳改大队xixihehe0167作业] 肯请指导！

xixihehe0167UID: 2253387

Time: about 3 hours;         Words: 555;         Date: 2006-11-04

个人评价：
1．        可能开始的提纲没有想仔细，写得很艰苦，中间没办法只好重新写提纲。
                呼呼，看来一开始一定要在提纲上下功夫。
2．        语言功底较差，很多时候不知道如何表达自己的本意。
3．        论证的过程不是很有利，总觉得自己的知识太贫乏，唉，没办法，只能一
                点一点补。

还希望过路的人，还有小组成员能多多知道啊

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提纲：
1．        开头，不同意
2．        针对每个学生的爱好和需求制定的教育模式会局限学生的眼界，从而使他
                们的知识结构不健全。
3．        而且这种教育模式并没有考虑到当前的教育资源，是不实际的，不可行
                的。
4．        让步段：承认兴趣的作用，可以使学习的过程更高效
5．        作结

【题目】Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. 【51】

Nowadays, people place more and more emphasis on education, and on how to find the most effective way for educating our children. And the speaker asserts education will not be truly effective if it’s not specifically designed to cater the individual needs and interests of each student. I concede that education will be more effective if it pays more attention to student’s needs and interests if circumstances permit. In my view, however, specifically designed education is neither effective nor practical for both students and faculty.

Specifically designed education might narrow down students’ ken and make their knowledge structure unsound, thus cannot result in effectiveness. As we know, a sound knowledge system has a pyramid structure, with its large and stable base established by general and comprehensive knowledge. Consider, if we give students right to choose what they learn according to their needs and interests, most of them will probably not take courses into account, which they think very boring or difficult. And whether or not their chosen courses are well-arranged and prepare them well for future career is quite reasonable. We can imagine what might happen to a computer-majored student if he has no idea about mathematics. Based on the above analysis, it’s hard to drive a conclusion that the specifically designed education is truly effective, and therefore it cannot take the place of traditional general education which can broaden students’ horizon and establish a stable foundation for their knowledge structure.

After having analyzed the disadvantage of specifically designed education, I will go on with the point that this education pattern is not practical, because it does not fully take the contemporary educational resources into account. Compared to enormous students, the number of teachers is far from sufficient, and so do labs and some other educational facilities. If specifically designed education requires teachers to arrange study plan for each student according to their interests and needs, it will take up a large amount of time of teachers who will otherwise improve their teaching level or impart knowledge to a wider range of students. What’s more, the education pattern will make student evaluation system face a big challenge, it might be required to provide specifically designed evaluating benchmarks for different students according to their specifically designed education. Under such circumstance, one can hardly look forward to any improvement of effectiveness.

Although I place low value on specifically designed education because it’s neither effective nor practice, I don’t underestimate the positive influence of students’ needs and interests on improving effectiveness of education. In fact, it’s enormous: it acts as a magnet to inspire the tremendous potential of your mind, as well as the burning desire for knowledge, with which you will actively explore the unknown world in a happy mood. Therefore schools should try their utmost to provide more choices and autonomy to students in some areas as long as the quality of compulsory education is guaranteed. Say, for example, school can provide more optional courses, which can cater some students’ needs and interests.

The purpose of education is not only to cultivate students to become what they want to be, but to provide qualified and enough individuals for our society. In this sense, specifically designed education is not worth its salt. We expect a more effective education pattern, which can realize the dual aims of education.

nightflightUID: 2184650

Nowadays, people place more and more emphasis on education, and on how to find the most effective way for educating our children. And the speaker asserts education will not be truly effective if it’s not specifically designed to cater the individual needs and interests of each student. I concede that education will be more effective if it pays more attention to student’s needs and interests if circumstances permit. In my view, however, specifically designed education is neither effective nor practical for both students and faculty.

Specifically designed education might narrow down students’ ken and make their knowledge structure unsound, thus cannot result in effectiveness. As we know, a sound knowledge system has a pyramid structure, with its large and stable base established by general and comprehensive knowledge. Consider, if we give students right to choose what they learn according to their needs and interests, most of them will probably not take courses into account, which they think very boring or difficult. And whether or not their chosen courses are well-arranged and prepare them well for future career is quite reasonable. We can imagine what might happen to a computer-majored student if he has no idea about mathematics. Based on the above analysis, it’s hard to drive a conclusion that the specifically designed education is truly effective, and therefore it cannot take the place of traditional general education which can broaden students’ horizon and establish a stable foundation for their knowledge structure.

After having analyzed the disadvantage of specifically designed education, I will go on with the point that this education pattern is not practical, because it does not fully take the contemporary educational resources into account. Compared to enormous students, the number of teachers is far from sufficient, and so do labs and some other educational facilities. If specifically designed education requires teachers to arrange study plan for each student according to their interests and needs, it will take up a large amount of time of teachers who will otherwise improve their teaching level or impart knowledge to a wider range of students. What’s more, the education pattern will make student evaluation system face a big challenge, it might be required to provide specifically designed evaluating benchmarks for different students according to their specifically designed education. Under such circumstance, one can hardly look forward to any improvement of effectiveness.

Although I place low value on specifically designed education because it’s neither effective nor practice, I don’t underestimate the positive influence of students’ needs and interests on improving effectiveness of education. In fact, it’s enormous: it acts as a magnet to inspire the tremendous potential of your mind, as well as the burning desire for knowledge, with which you will actively explore the unknown world in a happy mood. Therefore schools should try their utmost to provide more choices and autonomy to students in some areas as long as the quality of compulsory education is guaranteed. Say, for example, school can provide more optional courses, which can cater some students’ needs and interests.

The purpose of education is not only to cultivate students to become what they want to be, but to provide qualified and enough individuals for our society. In this sense, specifically designed education is not worth its salt. We expect a more effective education pattern, which can realize the dual aims of education.


还是说整体感觉：
1．词汇很好，又没有语法之类的错误。你的提纲写的很清晰，正文段落也大致是按照这样的中心内容写的。但是每段正文的主题句不太够明显清晰，最好一开头就点出你这段的内容。
2．另外，既然你说到了aim of education就应该更明确的给这个aim一个定义或是论述，但是似乎缺少了这一点，只是在第二段正文中提到。
3．最后建议举一些实际的例子来证明论点，这样论证就会显得更充分更具有说服力

^_^这些都只是我个人的意见啦，如有疑问大家一起探讨吧，一起加油哦～共同进步

xixihehe0167UID: 2253387

再次谢谢nightflight的建议，我会根据你的建议再修改我的文章的：）

加油加油！

norman518UID: 188582

Nowadays, people place more and more emphasis on education, and on how to find the most effective way for educating our children. And the speaker asserts education will not be truly effective if it’s not specifically designed to cater the individual needs and interests of each student【哦！这就是你改写的作者的观点，但从逻辑上讲：否定全称代词就应该用部分代词】. I concede that education will be more effective if it pays more attention to student’s needs and interests if circumstances permit. In my view, however, specifically designed education is neither effective nor practical for both students and faculty.
【从你的开头来看，应该是部分否定作者的观点/建议：并准备从学生和教师两方面展开】

Specifically designed education【应该是你的主语吧？designed作为adj没有“设计、规划”的含义，帮你改写：Education specifically designed for individual你认同吗？】 might narrow down students’ ken and make their knowledge structure unsound, thus cannot result in effectiveness. As we know, a sound knowledge system has a pyramid structure, with its large and stable base established by general and comprehensive knowledge. Consider, if we give students right to choose what they learn according to their needs and interests, most of them will probably not take courses into account【take no account of certain courses】, which they think very boring or difficult. And whether or not their chosen courses are well-arranged and prepare them well for future career is quite reasonable【想表达？至少有2点：①主语从句的主语表达： those courses chosen by them②头重脚轻。建议改写】. We can imagine what might happen to a computer-majored student if he has no idea about mathematics. Based on the above analysis, it’s hard to drive a conclusion that the specifically designed education【同上】 is truly effective, and therefore it cannot take the place of traditional general education【此前并没有涉及traditionally general education，而得此结论有点hasty】 which can broaden students’ horizon and establish a stable foundation for their knowledge structure.
【B1有一个好的TS，但没有充分展开，所以结论感觉仓促。】

After having analyzed the disadvantage of specifically designed education【第3次使用该表达，我是没有查到，如果有请告诉我出处，OK？以后不再指出。】, I will go on with the point that this education pattern is not practical, because it does not fully take the contemporary educational resources into account. Compared to enormous【欠妥】 students, the number of teachers is far from sufficient, and so do labs and some other educational facilities. If specifically designed education requires teachers to arrange study plan for each student according to their interests and needs, it will take up a large amount of time of teachers who will otherwise improve their teaching level or impart knowledge to a wider range of students. What’s more, the education pattern will make student evaluation system face a big challenge, it might be required to provide specifically designed evaluating benchmarks for different students according to their specifically designed education. Under such circumstance, one can hardly look forward to any improvement of effectiveness.
【B2从教育模式（方法）入手，谈论到教育资源的有限，不错，但如果进而涉及到社会资源的有限，从而引发个性化教育模式是一个全社会（包括个人、集体和国家）都应关心的问题，为你下面的解决方案埋下伏笔。】

Although I place low value on specifically designed education because it’s neither effective nor practice, I don’t underestimate the positive influence of students’ needs and interests on improving effectiveness of education. In fact, it’s enormous: it acts as a magnet to inspire the tremendous potential of your mind, as well as the burning desire for knowledge, with which you will actively explore the unknown world in a happy mood. Therefore schools should try their utmost to provide more choices and autonomy【想表达？】 to students in some areas as long as the quality of compulsory education is guaranteed. Say, for example, school can provide more optional courses, which can cater some students’ needs and interests.
【B3段也很仓促，是在限时吗？仅有例子，没有解释和段尾的小结是不够的哟】

The purpose of education is not only to cultivate students to become what they want to be, but to provide qualified and enough【想表达？？】individuals for our society. In this sense, specifically designed education is not worth its salt【感觉是个比喻用法，网上查到有此用法，好象与古罗马有关，请告之其精确含义及出处—谢谢！】. We expect a more effective education pattern, which can realize the dual aims of education
【结尾：①才提到教育目的，个人认为欠妥，如此重大的论点至少应该安排在B1/2处。②从你的行文思路：用怀疑的态度分析问题，并发现问题，但没有提出一定的解决问题的方案---使文章不能有效深化。】

整体结构应该没有问题，请回答我的一些问题和建议，其中有些是我不明白的，谢谢！

[ 本帖最后由 norman518 于 2007-2-2 14:13 编辑 ]