ARGUMENT147 中华龙的第一次作业,欢迎拍!

jingzhang514UID: 2163811

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

The editorial assets that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months for the reason that: (1) the people who are in touch in the survey have told what the most important features of video games are. (2) the result of the extensive advertising campaign which is directed at the people aged from 10 to 25 is showed that they like to play the video games.  However, close scrutiny of these evidences and of the reasoning of the speaker reveals that they provide little credible support for the editorial’s conclusion.   
To begin with, the argument has no information about the reasons of the declined sales of Whirlwind video games, maybe there are some other reasons besides the features of the video games such as the probation of the video games for the bad effects on people’s health, study and work and so forth. If this is true, then following survey has no significances, so, first and most important, we must know something about the facts of the declined sales.
Moreover, the survey methodology might be problematic in two respects: first, we are not informed whether the survey required that respondents choose their other likes except the features such as the time, the process of the video games and so forth, if it did not, then the result might be distort the preferences of the respondents, who might very well prefer a exceptional choice not provided for in the survey. Secondly, we are not informed whether survey responses were anonymous, or even confidential. If they were not, then respondents might have provided responses that they believed their superiors would approve of, regardless of whether the responses were truthful. Even admit result of the survey is reliable, the editor referred that lifelike graphics required the most up-to-date computers, but does every people who buy the video games has the most up-to-date computers? The editorial has no information about this, so if they are the ordinary people who have the ordinary computer, the sales of the new-product will decline even larger.
The editor goes on to cite that the Whirlwind has an extensive advertising campaign directed at the people aged 10 to 25, and the result is considerable that they like the games. However, this argument is wholly unpersuasive, at the beginning, this is only an advertising campaign which may designed by the advertisers with their commercial ends such as the beautiful advertising scenes and buying incentives  which will attract the people deeply, maybe the video games run badly during the playing after the people buy. Moreover, nor we are informed that the people 10 to 25 years old are the mainstream of the video games consumer, so the campaign only directed people 10 to 25 years old is limited, it is likely that they are the people who did not buy or the play the game before, or they are the smaller part of the consumer, they only answer due to the goodness or pressure of the campaign organizer.
In conclusion, the editorial is unconvincing as it stands, to strengthen the argument, the editorial author must provide more information about the reasons of the declined sales of Whirlwind video games in the past two years, and how many and anonymous the survey responses are. Moreover, the editorial’s author must provide more evidence that the campaign is to test the people’s likes of the practice of the Whirlwind video games but not the advertising, In order to better evaluate the argument, we should need more information about how many and how stronger the competitors that that Whirlwind video games might face.

lih008UID: 2269470

Argument147
The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
过渡性的句子，总结性的句子总结下，用上来。

The editorial assets that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months for the reason that: (1) the people who are in touch in the survey have told what the most important features of video games are. (2) the result of the extensive advertising campaign which is directed at the people aged from 10 to 25 is showed that they like to play the video games.  However, close scrutiny of these evidences 【不可数名词】 and of the reasoning of the speaker reveals that they provide little credible support for the editorial’s conclusion.   
To begin with, the argument has no information about the reasons of the declined sales of Whirlwind video games, 【.】maybe there are some other reasons besides the features of the video games such as the probation of the video games for the bad effects on people’s health, study and work and so forth. If this is true, then following survey has no significances, [断句]so, first and most important, we must know something about the facts of the declined sales. 【这一点攻击得很好，切中了要害】
Moreover, the survey methodology might be problematic in two respects: first【firstly】, we are not informed whether the survey required that respondents choose their other likes [other points they most concern about] except the features 【this feature of Whirlwind video games】， such as the time, the process of the video games and so forth,[断句] if it did not, then the result might be distort the preferences of the respondents, who might very well prefer a exceptional choice not provided for in the survey. Secondly, we are not informed whether survey responses were anonymous, or even confidential. If they were not, then respondents might have provided responses that they believed their superiors would approve of, regardless of whether the responses were truthful. [Even admit result of the survey is reliable, the editor referred that lifelike graphics required the most up-to-date computers, but does every people who buy the video games has the most up-to-date computers? The editorial has no information about this, so if they are the ordinary people who have the ordinary computers, the sales of the new-product will decline even larger.][这点最好另起一段攻击，因为段首你只说了这段攻击survey methodology]
The editor goes on to cite that the Whirlwind has an extensive advertising campaign directed at the people aged 10 to 25, and the result is considerable that they like the games. However, this argument is wholly unpersuasive, at the beginning, this is only an advertising campaign which may designed by the advertisers with their commercial ends such as the beautiful advertising scenes and buying incentives  which will attract the people deeply[断句], maybe the video games run badly during the playing after the people buy. Moreover, nor we are informed that the people 10 to 25 years old are the mainstream of the video games consumer, so the campaign only directed people 10 to 25 years old is limited[断句], it is likely that they are the people who did not buy or they play the game before, or they are the smaller part of the consumer, they only answer due to the goodness or pressure of the campaign organizer.
In conclusion, the editorial is unconvincing as it stands, to strengthen the argument, the editorial author must provide more information about the reasons of the declined sales of Whirlwind video games in the past two years, and how many and anonymous the survey responses are. Moreover, the editorial’s author must provide more evidence that the campaign is to test the people’s likes of the practice of the Whirlwind video games but not the advertising, In order to better evaluate the argument, we should need more information about how many and how stronger the competitors that that Whirlwind video games might face.

总体感觉文章攻击的还不错，原文的漏洞基本都攻击到了。有一点不足，文章的正文三段之间缺少联系，感觉各自都是独立的。最好多用一点过渡性的语句。另外，注意长句使用的准确性。