ISSUE11 中华龙小组 jingzhang514第二篇,欢迎大家使劲拍

jingzhang514UID: 2163811

ISSUE11 2006年11月11日 15：26-----16:36   544   revised 1小时
All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.
Does it obligatory for all nations to help support the development of a global university, which is designed to engage students in the process of solving the world’s problems that are the most persistent in the social society? In my opinion, it is necessary, but not obligatory. I will discuss it in three aspects as follows.
First, the world is made up by small and large nations, and a nation is influenced by the exterior factors deeply, such as the economy, the culture, the commerce and the peace, and it can not exist and develop by itself. Take the economy and commerce for example, a nation will not develop by their own citizens business, it needs to import the requisite goods which the national people need but it can not produce by itself since it has not the developed technology as other nations, so the market regulations of this good which even in the other nation are paramount to it, it can affect the requirements and the importations and the economy of the imported nations. In nowadays, the AIDS is terrible illness which can lead to death that the people all over the world must do their efforts to conquer it. As discussed above, so some problems of the nations are the problems of the world, we must consider it seriously and try our best to solve them since solving the problems of the world even the problem of the other nations, which have direct or indirect influences to us, is significant.
On the contrary, the world’s most persistent social problems, such as war, poverty, and violence, may be influenced by so many inner factors stem from certain aspects of human nature-----such as aggression and greed. Let’s look at the World War II into which so many countries involved that it left rampant gang violence, the AIDS epidemic, unprecedented federal budget deficit to people all over the world even the people of the nations which have not taken part into it. The reason is the inner desire that can not be solved by students in the global university who use the knowledge based on the book and taught by the teachers. It is up to our economists, diplomats, social reformers, and jurists---but not the students who study hard to be the future scientists and engineers—to mitigate these problems.
Moreover, every nation has its own culture and its own problems that it can only solve by its particular methods, take the marriage for example, in the Arabia, the man can marry more than three women, but in China and United States, man can only marry only one girl. With the open policy and the fast steps of the work and life, people concert themselves and can not understand their wives and husbands well that so many people get divorces, which has bad influences on their children’s growths, and fall in love with their partners even the person he or she may has first glance. In China, the action is anti-morality, and their parents and friends even the leaders will intercede their intense relationship, if it fails, and their children will be brought by one side. But in the United States maybe it is ordinary, and their children are more independent.
As I discussed above, I partly agreed the speaker that it is necessary that all nations support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems, in spite this, I think all nations must devote themselves to improve their own education that help students to cultivate the abilities to solve their own problems and develop their economy and their culture.

[ 本帖最后由 jingzhang514 于 2006-11-11 21:44 编辑 ]

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lih008UID: 2269470

原帖由 nostrum 于 2006-11-11 18:11 发表
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弱弱的问一下斑竹，这个帖子的格式有什么问题？是不是文章里段与段之间没有空行？请斑竹指明，以便规范我们小组的发帖格式，谢谢了

lih008UID: 2269470

ISSUE11
All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.

[Does][什么意思？？] it obligatory for all nations to help support the development of a global university, which is designed to engage students in the process of solving the world’s problems that are the most persistent in the [social society][弱弱的问一下，social society是什么意思？] In my opinion, it is necessary, but not obligatory. I will discuss it in three aspects as follows.

First, the world is made up by [搭配问题，拿不准的地方，可以上google上查查看有没有这种用法] small and large nations, and a nation is influenced by the exterior factors deeply, such as the economy, the culture, the commerce and the peace, and it can not exist and develop by itself. [考虑一下调整这一句的句式，用了太多的and,句间关系不清楚了。] Take the economy and commerce for example, a nation will not develop by their own citizens business, it needs to import the requisite goods which the national people need but it can not produce by itself since it has not the developed technology as other nations, so the market regulations of this good which even in the other nation are paramount to it, it can affect the requirements and the importations and the economy of the imported nations. In nowadays, the AIDS is terrible illness which can lead to death that the people all over the world must do their efforts to conquer it. [这个例子和你前面的论述有什么关系？？？前面你不是一直在论述economy and commerce吗？怎么突然冒出AIDS了？] As discussed above, so [看起来不舒服，可以换成we can conclude that……]some problems of the nations are the problems of the world, we must consider it seriously and try our best to solve them since solving the problems of the world even the problem of the other nations, which have direct or indirect influences to [on] us, is significant.[考虑一下断句得问题，句子太长，而且中间没有连词]

On the contrary, the world’s most persistent social problems, such as war, poverty, and violence, may be influenced by so many inner factors stem from certain aspects of human nature-----such as aggression and greed. Let’s look at the World War II into [in] which so many countries involved[用involve in吧，我在google上查了下，involve in用得更普遍一点] that it left rampant gang violence, the AIDS epidemic, unprecedented federal budget deficit to people all over the world even the people of the nations which have not taken [考虑一下时态，是不是该用一般过去时。如果用现在完成时的话真的有点可怕，意思是说还没卷入二战的国家还有可能卷入] part into it. The reason is the inner desire that can not be solved by students in the global university who use the knowledge based on the book and taught by the teachers. It is up to our economists, diplomats, social reformers, and jurists---but not the students who study hard to be the future scientists and engineers—to mitigate these problems.

Moreover, [every nation has its own culture and its own problems that it can only solve by its particular methods][这句你的意思是要表明一个因果关系？因为every nation has its own culture，所以its own problems that it can only solve by its particular methods？？如果真是这样的话那完全可以变换一下句式，改成因果关系好一点。毕竟and链接的是两个并列句。], take the marriage for example, in the Arabia, the man can marry more than three women, but in China and United States, man can only marry only one girl. With the open policy and the fast steps of the work and life, people concert themselves and can not understand their wives and husbands well that so many people get divorces, which has bad influences on their children’s growths, and fall in love with their partners even the person he or she may has first glance. In China, the action is anti-morality, and their parents and friends even the leaders will intercede their intense relationship, if it fails, and their children will be brought by one side. But in the United States maybe it is ordinary, and their children are more independent.

As I discussed above, I partly agreed the speaker that it is necessary that all nations support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems [在文章中你点出这一点的必要性了吗？第一段的意思可以支持这个观点，但是你第一段论述中丝毫没有涉及到global university这件事啊], in spite this, I think all nations must devote themselves to improve their own education that help students to cultivate the abilities to solve their own problems and develop their economy and their culture.[正文的二三段涉及到了这个意思，但是你也只是论述了各个国家有不用的内部因素和不同的文化，但是除了第二段末谈到了university外，其他地方也没有谈到啊]

lih008UID: 2269470

呵呵，不好意思啊，没有指你的优点，有点狠。

xbullfrogUID: 2180016

原帖由 lih008 于 2006-11-12 10:10 发表


弱弱的问一下斑竹，这个帖子的格式有什么问题？是不是文章里段与段之间没有空行？请斑竹指明，以便规范我们小组的发帖格式，谢谢了

开始TA的格式是错的，现在看见的格式是TA后来改的