issue29 [天下无G]关于媒体的，不大会写，大家看看跑题了没有

kitty_yyUID: 2292666

TOPIC: ISSUE29 - "Public figures such as actors, politicians, and athletes should expect people to be interested in their private lives. When they seek a public role, they should expect that they will lose at least some of their privacy."
WORDS: 591          TIME: 0:52:09          DATE: 2007-1-27

The speaker asserts that being a public figure means losing some of the privacy. In my view, the assertion is absolutely correct for most of the people are showing great interesting to the privacy of the public roles and so do the medias. As a result it is difficult to prevent losing privacy when playing a public role.

People's interesting of the actors, singers, politicians and other public figures not only in the aspect they showed to the public but also the details of their privacy. By observing the reaction to the scandals of the famous people and the love stories of the stars, it is the point above that the conlusion is. Considering without people's interesting in the privacy which was covered before, how could the autobiography of Clinton be well-sold as so much?

The intensity of people's curiosity is reasonable. To the public, the famous figures are always far from the reality who are always appear in the screen of the television. It is difficult for the people to tell what the person is really like behind the mask of their public appearance. It is the privaty that give them the reality of a person and help them to decide whether to trust the person anylonger. For example, if the commonalty realized the leader does not treat his son as what a father should do, instead, showing little care to his educition and life style, how could the people trust that the leader can burden the responsibility to the country? Similarly, if an actor whois selfish in the daily life, no matter how kind he appear in the screen, the public will not like him. Besides the demand of recognize more of the figure, another necessary reason is that people like to use the privacy of the public role to make fun. A good scandal can be sufficient to provide much interesting to the plain life.

To meet the public requirement is the responsibility of the media - such as television programme, magzines, newspapers - as the way to make profits. As a media, it is making maximum profits that the most important task which related to the survive of the media. One of the best means is giving people what they want, for example, the privacy of the celebrities. The more details people want to know, the more popular the media is. The popularity of The Sun - one of the publication which reports many details of the famous and stars - illustrates this point. Some media even fake some scandals to pander the reader, which is harmful to the society and the famous figures.

It is not injustic for the public to interest to know more about the figures. However, to protect the privacy of the public figures is necessary since having a public role does not mean the whole person is clear to the public. His family and friends should also have their privacy and free to do what they like. The endeavor to Seize every points of the privacy goes reverse to the morality even harmful to the person. Consider the accident of Diana as an instance. Everyone have the privacy which can not be interupted by anyone, the public figures as well.

In sum, the people's interesting in the privacy of the celebrities is the reason of the media searching the details which may be unreasonable and harmful to be uncovered. It is needed to regular this kind of action in order to give a peace private life to the public figures.

[ 本帖最后由 kitty_yy 于 2007-1-27 20:39 编辑 ]

lindorUID: 2290025

The speaker asserts that being a public figure means losing some of the privacy. In my view, the assertion is absolutely correct for most of the people are showing great interesting（interests） to the privacy of the public roles and so do the medias. As a result it is difficult to prevent losing privacy when playing a public role. （first of all, your beginning changed the speaker’s assertion! He thinks public figures “should” expect something and they “should” expect something. However, in your explanation, the assertion turns to “means”, which equals “is”. I think it is dangerous.）
People's interesting （interests）of the actors, singers, politicians and other public figures not only in the aspect they showed to the public but also the details of their privacy(you lost a verb in this sentence….). By observing the reaction to the scandals of the famous people and the love stories of the stars, it is the point above that the conlusion (conclusion) is. Considering without people's interesting in the privacy which was covered before, how could the autobiography of Clinton be well-sold as so much? (The topic of this paragraph is obscure, and the example does relate to the TS. )The intensity of people's curiosity is reasonable. To the public, the famous figures are always far from the reality who are always appear in the screen of the television (this sentence is frustrating. You can change it as: to the public, the famous figures, who always appear in the television, are far from the reality.). It is difficult for the people to tell what the person is really like behind the mask of their public appearance. It is the privaty (privacy) that give them the reality of a person and help them to decide whether to trust the person anylonger (any more). For example, if the commonalty realized the leader does not treat his son as what a father should do, instead, showing little care to his educition（education） and life style, how could the people trust that the leader can burden the responsibility to the country?(Why not, he may not be a good father, but he can be a good president….. it is acceptable… ) Similarly, if an actor who is selfish in the daily life, no matter how kind he appear in the screen, the public will not like him. Besides the demand of recognize more of the figure, another necessary reason is that people like to use the privacy of the public role to make fun. A good scandal can be sufficient to provide much interesting to the plain life.
（To be honest, this paragraph lacks compelling reasoning and persuasive examples.）
To meet the public requirement is the responsibility of the media - such as television programme, magzines, newspapers - as the way to make profits. As a media, it is making maximum profits that the most important task which related to the survive of the media.(Well, this sentence can be omitted, for it conveys a repeat meaning…) One of the best means is giving people what they want, for example, the privacy of the celebrities. The more details people want to know, the more popular the media is. The popularity of The Sun - one of the publication which reports many details of the famous and stars - illustrates this point. Some media even fake some scandals to pander the reader, which is harmful to the society and the famous figures.
(In this paragraph, you want to demonstrate that the media are interested in private lives of public figures. But you failed to connect this to your position. Why the interests of the media make the public figure lose their privacy? You would better to go back to your position.)
It is not injustic for the public to interest to know more about the figures. (a problem sentence…)However, (a sudden turn.) to protect the privacy of the public figures is necessary since having a public role does not mean the whole person is clear to the public(so, what on earth is your position? ).His(who? puzzling) family and friends should also have their privacy and free to do what they like. The endeavor (inappropriate noun, Maybe “attempt” could be better.) to Seize every points of the privacy goes reverse to the morality even harmful to the person (goes harmful?). Consider the accident of Diana as an instance. Everyone have the privacy which can not be interupted by anyone, the public figures as well.
(So, why they are losing their privacy? You led yourself to a dilemma.)
(Again, you failed to stick to your position. And if you add a “why” after every sentence, you would find that you didn’t make your point clear and reasonable.)In sum, the people's interesting in the privacy of the celebrities is the reason of the media searching the details which may be unreasonable and harmful to be uncovered.( weird sentence…) It is needed to regular this kind of action in order to give a peace private life to the public figures.
(in the end, you totally changed you position.)

In short, this issue has not a clear position. And then, you failed to focus on a position. It makes your issue disorganized. The construction is not clarity. You should choose more native sentences.

[ 本帖最后由 lindor 于 2007-1-30 21:01 编辑 ]

lindorUID: 2290025

一个小时写这么591个字不错了。
主要是结构太散了。
先是主题没有定明白。然后每段都显得孤零零的。没有结构性。
然后。段内逻辑感不强。说理要加强。为什么得出这样的结论？每句话是不是都可以从前面一句话推出来呢？
另外，你的例子太简单，就丢个人名＋事件，reader不知道你要说明什么的，因为一个例子可以从很多方面解释各种原因。你这样用例子太突然了。

lindorUID: 2290025

明天改你另外两篇。。赶作业去了

kitty_yyUID: 2292666

谢谢啊，改得好仔细~~~~
我还是有点不明白，就是题目说的except是主观上希望呢，还是客观上的无奈呢？
写的时候我就觉得这样可能跑题了……