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[a习作temp] Argument89 【0706G-LOVEAW小组】第十三次作业 [复制链接]

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发表于 2007-2-28 17:35:11 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT89 - The following appeared in a newspaper published in the state of Celera.

"Speed limits on our state's highways should be eliminated in order to increase our state's prosperity. Because greater speed means more efficient travel, commercial deliveries will be faster, increasing business profits. Elimination of speed limits will also make driving more attractive to motorists, so that more people will use the highways, providing more highway toll revenues for the state. At the same time, safety on our highways will not be affected: daytime speed limits were eliminated last year in the western states of our country, and no significant increase in the number of accidents in these states has been reported."
WORDS: 565          TIME: 上午 12:48:24          DATE: 2007-2-28


The author suggests eliminating speed limits on Celera’s highways to develop the state’s prosperity. But a close scrutiny of the reasoning in this statement renders it unconvincing as it stands.

To begin with, the author fails to support his assumption that elimination of speed limits means more efficient travel, faster commercial deliveries. As we know, road condition and climate state will influence the efficiency of travel. There is no denying that even without speed limitation vehicles on this highway can not increase their speed on a scraggy road or in thick fog. It is entirely possible that, usually,  due to the foggy weather and mountainous area - highways in Celera always suffers from - the fastest speed of the automobiles has not reached the original speed limitation. So it is undoubted that a loose limitation on speed does not make sense resulting from the suspicious increase in efficiency of travel.

Even if the efficiency of travel has been improved, it is cursory to predict improvement in business profits. It is known that Business profits based on commercial delivers depend not only on the efficiency of travel but also on the limitation on the weight of the cargo on each car. Though both eliminations will enhance the efficiency of travel in that enterprises can transport more goods in the same period of time, high speed enhances the efficiency by increasing the frequency of delivery in the same period of time which also increases the cost of delivery. On the contrary, the loose limitation in weight of the goods which allow more goods at a same frequency does not result in more expenses. Therefore, compared with loose limitation of weight of goods, if there is risk in excess of supply over the needs, enterprises will bear higher risk both in unacceptable revenues but also increased expenses influenced by loose limitation of speed. Consequently, it is suspicious improvement in prosperity based on the elimination of speed limitation.

Moreover, the author draws a false analogy of safety on highways between Celera and western states to assume that safety on the highway in Celera will not be affected in that no significant increase in the number of accidents after daytime speed limits were eliminated last year in the western states of the country. It is entirely possible that the original max speed allowed in western states is already so high that elimination of it does not make any difference in the long-term high frequency of accidents. Meanwhile, it is the strict speed limitation that keeps Celera’s highways safe for a long time and even little relax of it will generate obvious damage in safety. Further, it is the night that speeders dare to speed more often under screen of dark. So, unchanged safety on highways in western states should result from the unchanged night speed limitation. If these are the scenarios, the author fails to support his prediction of impervious safety in Celera if speed limitation is eliminated both in day and night. What is more, as a consequence, the assumption of increased people to use the highways based on more attract resulting from elimination will not stand at all influenced by the unreliable safety prediction.

To sum up, residents and governments in Celera should not take the suggestion of the author to eliminate speed limitation on highways considering the business profits as well as safety of drivers and motorists.
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发表于 2007-3-1 02:45:25 |只看该作者
The author suggests eliminating speed limits on Celera’s highways to develop the state’s prosperity. But a close scrutiny of the reasoning in this statement renders it unconvincing as it stands.

To begin with, the author fails to support his assumption that elimination of speed limits means more efficient travel, faster commercial deliveries. As we know, road condition and climate state will influence the efficiency of travel. There is no denying (这个...there is no denying一般都是后面有转折前面用来让步用的.....) that even without speed limitation vehicles on this highway can not increase their speed on a scraggy road or in thick fog. (这句大赞!除了开头的there is .....~) It is entirely possible that, usually, due to the foggy weather and mountainous area - highways in Celera always suffers from - the fastest speed of the automobiles has not reached the original speed limitation. So it is undoubted that a loose limitation on speed does not make sense resulting from the suspicious increase in efficiency of travel. (好像有点范文的影子~~嘿嘿 不错不错)

Even if the efficiency of travel has been improved, it is cursory to predict improvement in business profits. It is known that Business profits based on commercial delivers depend not only on the efficiency of travel but also on the limitation on the weight of the cargo on each car. (以为前面是本段的总领,看来只是一种情况而已,后面又讲到了别的了呵呵,最好过渡一下) (再看后来发现原来你这一整段讲得居然都是.....强啊) Though both eliminations will enhance the efficiency of travel in that enterprises can transport more goods in the same period of time, high speed enhances the efficiency by increasing the frequency of delivery in the same period of time which also increases the cost of delivery. (给你这句话加精) On the contrary, the loose limitation in weight of the goods which allow more goods at a same frequency does not result in more expenses. Therefore, compared with loose limitation of weight of goods, if there is risk in excess of supply over the needs, enterprises will bear higher risk both in unacceptable revenues but also increased expenses influenced by loose limitation of speed. Consequently, it is suspicious improvement in prosperity based on the elimination of speed limitation. (这段攻击的主题其实更像是为了增加公司收益我们应该取消限速而不是取消限重.你只要提到红字的那段表明不一定profitable就可以了,不用再比较另外方法)

Moreover, the author draws a false analogy of safety on highways between Celera and western states to assume that safety on the highway in Celera will not be affected in that no significant increase in the number of accidents after daytime speed limits were eliminated last year in the western states of the country. It is entirely possible that the original max speed allowed in western states is already so high that elimination of it does not make any difference in the long-term high frequency of accidents. Meanwhile, it is the strict speed limitation that keeps Celera’s highways safe for a long time and even little relax of it will generate obvious damage in safety. (挺不错的理由,不过最好再和西部对比一下) Further, it is the night that speeders dare to speed more often under screen of dark. So, unchanged safety on highways in western states should result from the unchanged night speed limitation. (居然连night都攻击 强啊) If these are the scenarios, the author fails to support his prediction of impervious safety in Celera if speed limitation is eliminated both in day and night. What is more, as a consequence, the assumption of increased people to use the highways based on more attract resulting from elimination will not stand at all influenced by the unreliable safety prediction.

To sum up, residents and governments in Celera should not take the suggestion of the author to eliminate speed limitation on highways considering the business profits as well as safety of drivers and motorists.

5分吧...应该有了
第二个body再改改
然后就是攻击顺序不是很好
最后的goal是prosperity
所以第二个body放在后面攻击比较好
而且前面也可以说车祸同样是不prosperous的
下面一个段落再把这个车祸的情况让步掉

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板凳
发表于 2007-3-1 03:34:54 |只看该作者
prosperity这个是到最后了才发现没写到,硬补了上去
sigh
第二段要重新组织语言的
攻击顺序明天再看看,现在头脑混乱
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RE: Argument89 【0706G-LOVEAW小组】第十三次作业 [修改]

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Argument89 【0706G-LOVEAW小组】第十三次作业
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-617857-1-1.html
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