issue83 【loveaw】第五次作业

逐梦天涯UID: 2287682

TOPIC: ISSUE83 - "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."

When facing the issue whether the government should preserve the wild area or use it for the economic construction, we always feel hard to choose. Yet I insist that these areas should be protected and left in their natural state.

The wild areas are essential to these highly developed countries like Japan and America. The first reason is the needs of people. In generally, people of these countries, who possess a relatively perfect welfare and education system and live in a good condition, will absolutely more concern with the ecological environment of the earth around themselves, which is closely connected to the wildness area. Besides, though satisfied with the substantial world, most of these people also aspire after a further spiritual live, which can be provided by the place like national park and even unnamed wild areas far from those noisy big cities inducing tensity and depression. Thereby, the people want to preserve the wildness areas. If the first reason is the subjective willing of citizens, the second reason is the objective advantages benefiting from the wildness area. Firstly, the forest that generally exists in the wildness regions, always apart from the human civilization, is proved to be the conditional of global climate. With the process of breathing, the green leaves absorb carbon dioxide and give out oxygen, which can eliminates the greenhouse effect and supplements the oxygen. Secondly, all the grand maintains, quiet streams, and the hot desert are the natural treasures of the whole human beings, which lend a good place for traveling, which can also bring considerable income for the country who owns them. Secondly, despite that the nature is capable to recover by itself, the microorganisms, plants, and animals, in fact, are sensitive to the damage brought by the exploitation. If any of those is destroyed by man-make effect, the species diversity will be influenced in the end. According to the two reasons presents above, I come to the conclusion that the wildness area plays a significant role in the society of developed countries and deserve being preserved.

When the issue comes to the developing countries, whose people is struggling against the famine, and diseases like Aids and cholera, I have to concede that the situation of these wilderness lands will not be better currently. These counties like Nigeria and Congo, bothered by the endless wars derive from hatred between different races, seems has no need and also no ability to preserve and guard the ground plain with uncountable wild animals. In other words, it seems that protecting the wildness religions is not the primary problem to these countries.

However, it is not the case at all. Even if the construction of laws, democracy politics and improving economics is the chiefly job of these developing countries, the wildness religion also can not be taken up excessively by the extending city boundary/border/confine and industries. Let us have a look at the rainforests along Amazon River; millions of trees are cut down every year for the wood and papers, which has widely influenced the global climate. The countries along the Amazon River apparently neglect that they are not alone on the earth, the wildness area of their counties, actually, not only belong to one country but belong to all the human beings, any unilateral action rendering the wildness religion destroyed is irresponsible and stupid.

In summary, not only the developed countries but also the developing countries should preserve the wildness area in their natural state.

[ 本帖最后由 逐梦天涯 于 2007-3-4 16:59 编辑 ]

iq28UID: 2152875

小草把标题改一下...这个是issue83不是issue86...


When facing the issue whether the government should preserve the wild area or use it for the economic construction, (完了...为什么非要一上来就把自己陷在一个false dilemma里面呢...题目没有说到不保护就是要用作经济利用) we always feel hard to choose. Yet I insist that these areas should be protected and left in their natural state. (除非你下面要讨论怎么去保护荒原,否则没有必要说到这一点)

The wild areas are essential to these highly developed countries like Japan and America. The first reason is the needs of people. In generally, people of these countries, who possess a relatively perfect welfare and education system and live in a good condition, will absolutely (可能是我最近argu看多了...你这里最好说得委婉一点吧...过渡一下,说他们有更高追求,然后生态是更高追求中必不可少的一个环节) more concern with the ecological environment of the earth around themselves, which is closely connected to the wildness area. Besides, though satisfied with the substantial world, most of these people also aspire after a further spiritual live, which can be provided by the place like national park and even unnamed wild areas far from those noisy big cities inducing tensity and depression. Thereby, the people want to preserve the wildness areas. If the first reason is the subjective willing of citizens, the second reason is the objective advantages benefiting from the wildness area. Firstly, the forest that generally exists in the wildness regions, always apart from the human civilization, is proved to be the conditional of global climate. With the process of breathing, the green leaves absorb carbon dioxide and give out oxygen, (机理不必累述) which can eliminates the greenhouse effect and supplements the oxygen. Secondly, all the grand maintains, quiet streams, and the hot desert are the natural treasures of the whole human beings, which lend a good place for traveling, which can also (不要also了,应该是对于上面的therefore) bring considerable income for the country who owns them. Secondly, (应该是第三了..) despite that the nature is capable to recover by itself, the microorganisms, plants, and animals, in fact, are sensitive to the damage brought by the exploitation. If any of those is destroyed by man-make effect, the species diversity will be influenced in the end. According to the two reasons presents above, I come to the conclusion that the wildness area plays a significant role in the society of developed countries and deserve being preserved. (应为应用了分层的结构,所以看起来相当清楚,不错!!论证也没有beat around the bush)

When the issue comes to the developing countries, whose people is struggling against the famine, and diseases like Aids and cholera, I have to concede that the situation of these wilderness lands will not be better currently. These counties like Nigeria and Congo, bothered by the endless wars derive from hatred between different races, seems has no need and also no ability to preserve and guard the ground plain with uncountable wild animals. In other words, it seems that protecting the wildness religions is not the primary problem to these countries. (太短了...是限时的么?其实如果是已经知道时间不够了,红字部分的country的悲惨情况就不要累述了,一句话带过,转说政府是要首先保证生存,环境是长远问题,不容考虑,应该这么少的字数也能讲得比较清楚~虽然会比较浅薄)

However, it is not the case at all. (天哪...你这里既然要转折~上面那段就表把话说得太绝啦...) Even if the construction of laws, democracy politics and improving economics is the chiefly job of these developing countries, the wildness religion (晕...拼错了吧...嘿嘿) also can not be taken up excessively by the extending city boundary/border/confine and industries. (明白了.上一段说没法保护,这一段说也不能破坏太多~~这个思路可以~~但因为题目中间并没有说到不保护就必然破坏~所以你这里开头段落不要简简单单说not the case,让步一下引出不能过度破坏的观念吧~) Let us have a look at the rainforests along Amazon River; millions of trees are cut down every year for the wood and papers, which has widely influenced the global climate. The countries along the Amazon River apparently neglect that they are not alone on the earth, the wildness area of their counties, actually, not only belong to one country but belong to all the human beings, any unilateral action rendering the wildness religion destroyed is irresponsible and stupid. (sigh...晚节不保啊~最后终于开始beat around the bush了.例子首先说了亚马逊被破坏,然后说纸的问题,然后大量篇幅强调亚马逊不仅仅属于地区而是属于整个地球,所以一旦破坏了就对整个地球有影响....再去回头看看你的ts..是说不应该过度破坏环境~你的例子的后半部分对于ts有支持~但是还是有偏离的,不是应该强调穷国家是能够只为了自己国家的经济发展而破坏全球环境)

In summary, not only the developed countries but also the developing countries should preserve the wildness area in their natural state.

比较清晰~虽然论证的框架不是那种特别高级的~
就是最后一个body有点偏,开头第二个body字数少了一点
不错加油哈 我觉得至少应该4分....

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-3-5 00:38 编辑 ]

逐梦天涯UID: 2287682

TOPIC: ISSUE83 - "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
提纲:
1.       提出论点:反对.
2.       wildness areas对发达国家十分重要,应该得到保存.
3.       对发展中国家来说,wildness areas应该更倾向被开发利用.
4.       然而,过度的开放利用也是不对的
5.       总结
修改后的文章对于3,4的论证比较清晰,并且每一段都有立场坚定的TS,感觉比较满意.
When facing the dilemma whether the government should preserve the wild area, we always feel hard to choose. Yet I insist that these areas should be protected and left in their natural state.

The wild areas are essential to these highly developed countries like Japan and America. The first reason is the needs of people. In generally, people of these countries, who possess a relatively perfect welfare and education system and live in a good condition, will then engage themselves into a pursuit of a further spiritual aim. This aim conclude concerning with the ecological environment of the earth around themselves, which is closely connected to the wildness area. Besides, though satisfied with the substantial world, most of these people also aspire after a further spiritual live, which can be provided by the place like national park and even unnamed wild areas far from those noisy big cities inducing tensity and depression. Thereby, the people want to preserve the wildness areas. If the first reason is the subjective willing of citizens, the second reason is the objective advantages benefiting from the wildness area. Firstly, the forest that generally exists in the wildness regions, always apart from the human civilization, is proved to be the conditional of global climate. With the process of breathing, the green leaves absorb carbon dioxide and give out oxygen, which can eliminates the greenhouse effect and supplements the oxygen. Secondly, all the grand maintains, quiet streams, and the hot desert are the natural treasures of the whole human beings, which lend a good place for traveling, which can therefore bring considerable income for the country who owns them. Thirdly, despite that the nature is capable to recover by itself, the microorganisms, plants, and animals, in fact, are sensitive to the damage brought by the exploitation. If any of those is destroyed by man-make effect, the species diversity will be influenced in the end. According to the two reasons presents above, I come to the conclusion that the wildness area plays a significant role in the society of developed countries and deserve being preserved.

When the issue comes to the developing countries, whose people are struggling against the famine, and diseases like Aids and cholera, I have to concede that the wildness areas should tend to be utilized than to be preserved. First, these counties like Nigeria and Congo, bothered by the endless wars derive from hatred between different races, seem have no enough financing and labors to preserve and guard the ground plain with uncountable wild animals. In other words, it seems that protecting the wildness regions is not the primary problem to these countries. Secondly, to guarantee the safety and basic living condition for their people, the proper exploitation to the wildness areas is justifiable, because human’s lives will always be in the first place. What’s more, it is unimaginable that people suffering hungry will respect the nature, to earn their live; they can even hunt the most precious animals for a litter money. Thus, the undeveloped counties have no ability to protect the wildness area and have to sacrifice part of those for the country construction.

However, even if the construction of laws, democracy politics and improving economics is the chiefly job of these developing countries, the wildness region also can not be taken up excessively by the extending city boundary/border/confine and industries. Let us have a look at the rainforests along Amazon River; millions of trees are cut down legally and illegally every year for the wood and papers by the countries along the big river, which has widely influenced the global climate. These undeveloped countries along the Amazon River apparently merely concentrate on the immediate interests to some extent but somehow neglect the serious disadvantage that their irresponsible behavior brings. The wildness area of their counties, actually, related to the global living condition, not only belong to one country but belong to all the human beings, and any unilateral action rendering the wildness religion destroyed will result in a embarrass situation like a man-made ice age (in this case may be the hot age) that humans have to face in the future.

In summary, not only the developed countries but also the developing countries should preserve the wildness area in their natural state.