Issue51

唯美笑痴UID: 2275335

怎么你格式也不对了...
标题应该这样写
我已经改过了
by iq28


Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.




Education is the most important part of the country. Its effectiveness not only establishes the foundation of individuals and the state but also continually determines the future of individuals and the state. There is a long controversial magnitude problem for the issue and cannot be solved in common because of there many obstacles and limits which is exists in the real world. As far as I concerned, I agree with the statement that education can be truly effective when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student but we the society has the trouble attaining such a goal because of many limits of socioeconomic conditions and maybe there are some other ways to get the effective education.

What is the target of education? “Learning to know, learning to do, learning to be and learning to get together.” UNESCO defines it at the Congress of Paris in 1996.

First, interest is the best teacher all over the world. So, student does well in the subject which is interesting in his opinion usually and get a high score to show off in the class for satisfying their vanity and establishing their self-confident which is the foundation of the future. It is learning to know.

Second, when one does what he likes, perhaps he will never have the passive feelings such as tired, bored and constrained. One gets the most prodigious development of his intelligence in his favorite field. Tomas Edison, with only three months of formal education, became one of the greatest inventors and industrial leaders in history. He believes that interest is the source of invention. It is learning to do.

However, although education regards individual needs as its start and future’s direction, on the whole, it can never absolutely meet individual needs and interests but relatively meet some needs and interests from individuals. As we know, there is much knowledge and many skills which is necessary. Students must learn some skills about how to survive solely, realize and bring out perspective of value and philosophy of life. If not, maybe they will pay much for it in their rest life. Therefore, learning to be a qualified people does not lean on individual needs or interests. In some aspects, moral education is the core business in studying.

Furthermore, education attains such a goal to learn not only some knowledge or skills but also to cooperate with others. There are always limits in material, time and space and other restraints about economy, history and culture. This condition has been existed all the time. Consequently, students need to learn to get together although from such different backgrounds. If one only does care about himself, how can he learn the interpersonal skills?

The traditional teacher-oriented education often neglects the individual needs and interests of each student, which proves counterproductive. And the student-oriented education is the most effective way to help students learn. In summery, truly effective education is hard to reach unless the educator gets a good balance in above factors.

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-4-1 21:56 编辑 ]

zsa1983UID: 2299564

Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.




Education is the most important part of the/a country. Its effectiveness not only establishes the foundation of individuals and the state but also continually determines the future of individuals and the state. There is a long controversial magnitude problem for the issue and cannot be solved in common because of there many obstacles and limits which is exists in the real world. 这前面的几句话完全可以不要，就下面的就可以。As far as I concerned, I agree with the statement that education can be truly effective when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student but we the（删掉） society has the trouble attaining such a goal because of many limits of socioeconomic conditions and （because of后面不能跟句子）maybe there are some other ways to get the effective education.
//好长的开头，感觉这样写不好，首先前面好几句话没有点名自己观点。其次这两部分衔接上也不好，感觉内容跳跃性太大。
后半部分分析的比较透彻，如果照这个观点写下去肯定可以。//
What is the target of education? “Learning to know, learning to do, learning to be a man and learning to get together.” UNESCO defines it at the Congress of Paris in 1996.
//这一段非常精彩。别树一格。//

{ 然后你应该给出论据支持你的主要观点“I agree with the statement that education can be truly effective when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student”可以从专门设计的教育任何影响Learning to know, //learning to do, //learning to be a man and learning to get together方面去写。注意是写“如何影响”—通过specifically designed达到影响truly effective（四个方面即你前面引用的定义learning to…..）
First, interest is the best teacher all over the world. So, student does well in the subject which is interesting in his opinion usually and gets a high score to show off in the class for satisfying their vanity and establishing their self-confident which is the foundation of the future.你是在讲兴趣哈，老兄，专门设计的教育在哪里？怎么看不到影子？It is learning to know.感觉最后一句话完全是你强行加上的，缺乏依据。}
Second, when one does what he likes, perhaps he will never have the passive feelings such as tired, bored and constrained. One gets the most prodigious development of his intelligence in his favorite field. Tomas Edison, with only three months of formal education, became one of the greatest inventors and industrial leaders in history. He believes that interest is the source of invention. //It is learning to do.
评论同上一段
However, although education regards individual needs as its start and future’s direction, on the whole, it can never absolutely meet individual needs and interests but relatively meet some needs and interests from individuals. As we know, there is much knowledge and many skills which is necessary. Students must learn some skills about how to survive solely/ independent, realize and bring out perspective of value and philosophy of life. If not, maybe they will pay much for it in their rest life. （这么严重吗？给点证据来说明，别就是一句空话）Therefore, learning to be a qualified people does not lean on （这句话完全是跟你的观点相违背的）individual needs or interests. In some aspects, moral education is the core business in studying.
这段你讲了教育的内容，不仅有技术知识方面还有人生观等，可它支持你的观点吗？
Furthermore, education attains such a goal not only to learn (not only) some knowledge or skills but also to cooperate with others. /学习与人合作应该是你想说明learning to get together观点，可也要与专门设计的教育联系起来哈/There are always limits in material, time and space and other restraints about economy, history and culture. This condition has been existed all the time./这句话是说社会不能大力支持？跟前面与人合作怎么放到一块了？完全是两个分论点哈可以另起一段来写/Consequently, students need to learn to get together although from such different backgrounds.If one only does care about himself, how can he learn the interpersonal skills?牵强，好像很少有证据能证明这一点。就算有，也说出来，不说出来，读者怎么支持你。The traditional teacher-oriented education often neglects the individual needs and interests of each student,（前面根本就没见过这个teacher-oriented 怎么这里就蹦出来了？概念引用不要这么突然）which proves counterproductive. And the student-oriented education is the most effective way to help students learn. In summery, truly effective education is hard to reach unless the educator gets a good balance in above factors.
你结尾的观点怎么跟你开头完全是两码事哈？前后统一下好不？

总评：结构垃圾   开头分析题目观点不错，可惜后面没有接着展开。

好多句子是空话，记得要用事实说话，给出你的证据，胡编的都比没有好。

[ 本帖最后由 zsa1983 于 2007-4-2 23:22 编辑 ]