issue185 victors小组第六次作业by ghost33

ghost33UID: 2267869

185"Scandals—whether in politics, acadame, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."


Nowadays, newspapers,magzines, Tvs and other public media provide us many scandals, from scandals of some political leader to scandals in academical areas. But, can scandals be useful as the speaker asserts? In my opinion, not all scandals are useful, although sometimes they can direct us to tackle some problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Admittedly, scandals sometimes can be useful. Let’s take the cheating in academical research for example. Of course, there were some cheating before last year one biology professor’s cheating was brought to the public’s attention. Since it was hard for any individual to set any punishment, most of us treated such cheating by pretending never knowing it, while some persons showed their disparagment secretly. This made those indignant persons try their luck, because as long as they were not caught by some serious supervisors, they could lie on other people’s work sleeping. Things changed harshly as soon as the famous biology professor’s critical paper on SCI was found of cheating datas. More cheatings were brought out to the public’s attention. Each college or university, or any academic research institute began to pay great attention to their own professors’ performances. Sure, such scandals helped clean the academical world.

Although scandals have some good aspcets,their bad effects outweigh significantly.

For one thing, sometimes scandals dittract our attention to some inferior aspects of a person, which makes us do unfair adjugement . Bill Cliton, the famous president of the United States, is a victim of scandals. When his long-term adulterous affairs with Gennifer Flowers and his improper sexual relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern, and some other relationships with several women were revealed, the public accused him as if he was nothing but a indignal man. However, President Clinton did get great achievements to U.S.A. He fought back the economic recession and got peaceful progress in Israel-Palestinian relationship. Scandals directed the public’s attention to his private life and diminished his effective leadership.

For another, scandals are treated unseriously most of time, thus, they make people take other people’s privacy lightly. Princess Diana, pursued by paparazzi, became the ultimate victim of the public apetite for celebrity’s gossip.

What’s more, if we do rely on scandals to help us to focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could, the society will be in a terrible state. We can simply imagine that less and less privacy will be left in our life, as more and more effort be put to searching of more and more scandals in the hope of find out a way to solve some problems. We can look to our movie stars and famous public singers and the like for some clear picture. Their datemates are caught by the newspaper photographers at the first try, which help draw an end of a possible , their usual relationships with some people are exaggerated.

In  conclusion, even if scandals can be used to tackle some problems, they are not healthy ways. Scandals should be controlled.

iq28UID: 2152875

Nowadays, newspapers,magzines, Tvs and other public media provide us many scandals, from scandals of some political leader to scandals in academical areas. (删,然后把这个结构提到nowadays后面,读起来会顺口些) But, can scandals be useful as the speaker asserts? In my opinion, not all scandals are useful, although sometimes they can direct us to tackle some problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could. (如果能将useful再具体化一些,即将focus our attention点出会更好)

Admittedly, scandals sometimes can be useful. (此类ts虽然清楚,但是也太没有技术含量了...让人不知道你要讨论哪个方面的内容) Let’s take the cheating in academical research for example. (1,无推理,直接举例,失败; 2,按领域分类是一种虽然清晰但逻辑性不强的比较低级的分类.如果不是没有时间想了尽量少用) Of course, there were some cheating (单复) before last year one biology professor’s cheating was brought to the public’s attention. (看完了下面的内容感觉这句话有点naive.黄同学的丑闻曝光事件就能directly使得cheatings减少?of course there were some....看了给人就是这种感觉) Since it was hard for any individual to set any punishment, most of us treated such cheating by pretending never knowing it, while some persons showed their disparagment secretly. (issue的body中笔墨自自是金.一句话如果阅卷人第一时间无法判断他对于整段的逻辑中起到的作用以及论证上的贡献,那就是失败的一句话.回顾你段首的ts,你这段是想论证s是有用的.这句话已经到了哪里了呢?或者说从你下面的论证来看,你只是想说s的曝光和惩罚是useful,而不是s本身.) This made those indignant persons try their luck, (愤怒的人们尝试运气?什么意思?) because as long as they were not caught by some serious supervisors, they could lie on other people’s work sleeping. (?) Things changed harshly as soon as the famous biology professor’s critical paper on SCI was found of cheating datas. More cheatings were brought out to the public’s attention. (与前一句无直接逻辑联系) Each college or university, or any academic research institute began to pay great attention to their own professors’ performances. Sure, such scandals helped clean the academical world.
1 整段思路是黄同学出事了,所以世界就太平了.naive麽?
2 绿色的字尽量少用,有种assert without evidence or reasoning的感觉,容易让阅卷人看了反感.

Although scandals have some good aspcets,their bad effects outweigh significantly.

For one thing, sometimes scandals dittract our attention to some inferior aspects of a person, which makes us do unfair adjugement. (分散我们的注意力到某个人的缺点方面为什么就是unfair了?这不是狠正常很全面了解一个人的方法么?至少也应该是excessively的distract才会导致unfair吧.) Bill Cliton, the famous president of the United States, is a victim of scandals. When his long-term adulterous affairs with Gennifer Flowers and his improper sexual relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern, and some other relationships with several women were revealed, (直接删掉.这个是用例子的忌讳.本例人人皆知,还用你去说累述例子细节么?字字是金啊...例子的用处是要点明对于你的论点的支持) the public accused him as if he was nothing but a indignal man. However, President Clinton did get great achievements to U.S.A. He fought back the economic recession and got peaceful progress in Israel-Palestinian relationship. Scandals directed the public’s attention to his private life and diminished his effective leadership. (本段又是毫无推理论证,一个例子后就over了,sigh)

For another, scandals are treated unseriously most of time, thus, they make people take other people’s privacy lightly. Princess Diana, pursued by paparazzi, became the ultimate victim of the public apetite for celebrity’s gossip. (论点+例子,over了.sigh)

What’s more, if we do rely on scandals to help us to focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could, the society will be in a terrible state. (比较有新意的论点,让我有兴趣继续读下去.) We can simply imagine that less and less privacy will be left in our life, as more and more effort be put to searching of more and more scandals in the hope of find out a way to solve some problems. We can look to our movie stars and famous public singers and the like for some clear picture. Their datemates are caught by the newspaper photographers at the first try, which help draw an end of a possible , their usual relationships with some people are exaggerated. (汗.看完了发现还是在讲privacy的问题)

In  conclusion, even if scandals can be used to tackle some problems, they are not healthy ways. Scandals should be controlled. (一般认为,结尾还是比开头重要不少的.再充实点吧)

ghost33UID: 2267869

看完你的评论，明白了空话的含义了。

谢谢你的指点，真是听君一席话，…………

继续努力，appreciate your time!