Issue185 [天道酬勤小组] 有拍必回^_^

surreal_stevenUID: 2239190

TOPIC: ISSUE185 - "Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."
WORDS: 549

Can scandals, by focusing our attention on problems, be useful in many areas? The author thinks so. While I can only partly agree with him/her. I admit that scandals can be very useful and powerful if we pay proper attention to them. However, if we focus too much attention on the scandals itself, it may lead us to nothing but the lost of the objective judgment or even distrust to the world.

Admittedly, scandals, especially some explosive scandals, can be spread very fast and wide, which focus public attention on the issue with high efficiency that no other methods can have. Just as the proverb said: "Good words do not come out, while ill words spread a long distance", people do more likely intend to hear such scandals and here comes a very important function of the exposure of scandals: supervision. Once there was a professor in a famous university being dismissed because he forged the data, which obviously against the academic honest. If such scandals were covered up, then the academic circumstance will be ruined for sure. We can find numerous examples in the field of business and politics. The exposure of scandals is a powerful way to supervise, by revealing the truth and problems, scandals are useful insofar as warning and urging people to improve the intendance or evaluation system to efficiently avoid such cases occurring again. Such an outcome would be almost impossible for single speaker or reformer to make the wildest guess at.

However, I cannot emphasize it too much that we should not pay too much attention to the scandal itself, or it may lead us to nothing but the lost of the objective judgment. A balance should be made between the meaning of the exposure of the scandal and the cost to do so. Take Bill Clinton as an instance, during the eight years of his administration, the former US president had add an unprecedented contribution to the nation’s economy, say, the fastest economic growth in more than 30 years; the lowest unemployment rates in 30 years; the longest period of economic growth in the nation’s entire history, etc. Whereas when it comes to the sex scandal, these splendid accomplishments are most likely overshadowed. The too much public attention focus on the sex scandal totally destroyed the image of Clinton while I think it is unfair because only God makes no mistake and an objective judgment to a politician should be made based on both his contribution and mistake.

Further, if the exposure of the scandals is just to satisfy the curiosity of the publics, to investigate the private life of the famous people, to pick a hole in the policy of the government, to "make" the news and attract the public attention, it will lead to the distrust of the society and ruin the security and honest between people. Such as the over-exposure of the bribery scandals will make public feel disappointed and not trust the government any more, which may affects the stabilization of the society. When a society can only find its problem by exposure of the scandals, its management system especially the law system is already out of order.

All in all, proper attention should be paid to the scandals in order to supervise the society, not too much.

yaoqian0424UID: 2323517

Issue185 天道酬勤小组 有拍必回^_^
TOPIC: ISSUE185 - "Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."
WORDS: 549
Can scandals, by focusing our attention on problems, be useful in many areas? The author thinks so. While I can only partly agree with him/her以后遇到类似的情况，管它公的母的一律用he好了，跟中文的习惯一样. I admit that scandals can be very useful and powerful if we pay proper attention to them. However, if we focus too much attention 我觉得focus 和 pay attention to 意思一样，不用重复使 on the scandals itself单复数错误, it may lead us to nothing but the lost of the objective judgment or even distrust to the world.

Admittedly, scandals, especially some explosive scandals, can be spread very fast and wide, which focus public attention on the issue with high efficiency that no other methods can have. Just as the proverb said: "Good words do not come out, while ill words spread a long distance", people do more likely intend to hear such scandals and here comes a very important function of the exposure of scandals: supervision. Once there was a professor in a famous university being dismissed because he forged the data, which obviously against the academic honest可以再具体点展开来说. If such scandals were covered up, then the academic circumstance will be ruined for sure. We can find numerous examples in the field of business and politics. The exposure of scandals is a powerful way to supervise, by revealing the truth and problems, scandals are useful insofar as warning and urging people to improve the intendance or evaluation system to efficiently avoid such cases occurring again. Such an去掉 outcome would be almost impossible for single speaker or reformer to make the wildest guess at.
这段的TS并没有涵盖所有的内容，比如防止类似的事发生，例子举的太简单了，可以再展开，前后衔接还是不错的，论述层层递进，要是多加些连接副词就能使结构更一目了然

However, I cannot emphasize it too much that we should not pay too much attention to the scandal itself句子显累赘, or用otherwise比较好 it may lead us to nothing but the lost of the objective judgment. A balance should be made between the meaning of the exposure of the scandal这点在下文完全没有提到 and the cost to do so. Take Bill Clinton as an instance, during the eight years of his administration, the former US president had add an unprecedented contribution to the nation’s economy, say, the fastest economic growth in more than 30 years; the lowest unemployment rates in 30 years; the longest period of economic growth in the nation’s entire history, etc可精简些，毕竟这不是你的论述重点. Whereas when it comes to the sex scandal, these splendid accomplishments are most likely overshadowed. The too much public attention focus on the sex scandal totally destroyed the image of Clinton while I think it is unfair because only God makes no mistake and an objective judgment to a politician should be made based on both his contribution and mistake.观点局限到politics field, 应该扩大范围，而且这句话有些冗长，可以分开来说

Further, 一if the exposure of the scandals is just to satisfy the curiosity of the publics, to investigate the private life of the famous people, to pick a hole in the policy of the government, to "make" the news and attract the public attention, it will lead to the distrust of the society and ruin the security and honest between people. Such as the over-exposure of the bribery scandals will make public feel disappointed and not trust the government any more, which may affects the stabilization of the society.二 When a society can only find its problem by exposure of the scandals, its management system especially the law system is already out of order.这段的观点比较新，但是论证上就比较薄弱，第二分论点独立了出来，没有很好论述，或者可以去掉，对整段论述没有太大帮助，我个人喜欢把TS在段首明确列出来，再围绕其展开论述，看来LZ比较偏好的是逐步提出观点，我也不知道这样好还是不好，但是可以肯定的是在现场考试的时候，这样写就有一定的风险，没有TS的引导可能会写到中间写不下去，

All in all, proper attention should be paid to the scandals in order to supervise the society, not too much.
结尾有点草率，应该好好斟酌下，尽量把分论点包括进去
总的来说，LZ的论证还有待加强，举例子切题还行，就是展开不够充分，倒数二段主题不明确
语言上，还是有一点点中化，可以参考范文收集些闪光句
仅供参考哦，多多练习吧