ISSUE11【0710G 天道酬勤作文互改小组】

alarenmingUID: 2329302

TOPIC: ISSUE11 - "All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."
WORDS: 512          TIME: 00:43:53          DATE: 2007-7-8 13:13:47
提纲：1大致赞同。
               2建立这样的学校确实有利于于解决一些国际争端，避免一些战争。
                3另外这样的学校有助于文化的交流。
               4对于来自不同地方的学生不同的思想发生冲突时如何解决。需要好的解决方案
this idea is a kind of idealism. based on the current world situation, it seems very necessary  for all the nations to participate in such a program about developing a global university to solve some deputes. But in the meanwhile, we should not ignore some problems brought from the issue.

at the very beginning, I totally agree with the propose to build a global university, In doing so, several social problems could be removed. People are always wondering that why the war happened in the past and why there are potentical wars among nations. In my observation, mutual distrust and disunderstanding are the two of the factors which could cause war's broke. And the global university is the very plat for nations to communicate with each others and exchange their minds, through which nations could achieve some agreements on certain social issues. I believe if there is a such plat, the war of Iraq will do not broke up, and it will save lots of innocent lives who were killed in the war. in this circumstances, it is very wise to build a global university.

At the second place, not only solve the social problems, but a global university also facilitate the culture exchanging. Just imagine in such a comprehensive university, all the students which come from different nations, have their own colors, beliefs, languages, the style of thinking modes, the ideal systems and so on. This situation does help people view their own culture more clearly and deeply through contrast. If the students who were chose to study in the global university are enough intellect, they will personate what should be abandoned from their culture and what should be generated from one generation to another. Through the acceptance to the culture with thinking deeply, every nation could absorb the good and drop the bad ones, in doing so, a nation is able to grow up more quickly and more strongly. In this sense, a global university is necessary.

At the third one, admittedly, a global university has its power to facilitate the communication among nations and the integration of several cultures, But if not guarded in a perfect rules, it is not able to work its magic all the time for all the nations. When some problems come about, everyone sticks his/her own viewpoint and never compromise, it becomes to impede the mutual integration rather than develop it. Take the death penalty for an example, some country support the death penalty whereas some object it for they think its too crucial for taking people's life and no one deserve it even the criminal is a serial killer. This kind of depute has no mean to put on a table to discuss, and generally no commitment will be achieved. so, the problem referred that how to charge such a global university becomes obviously.

In short, it is a good idea to build such a global university to help solve the world's most persistent social problems. And in the same, we should work out how to run such a university when some collision occurs.

felix2008UID: 2254632

this idea is a kind of idealism.第一句很突兀，而且this的指代不明 based on the current world world是名词，用global situation, it seems这个seems用的毫无根据 very necessary  for all the nations to participate in such a program about developing a global university to solve some deputes. But in the meanwhile, we should not ignore some problems brought from the issue.but的乱用

at the very beginning, I totally agree with the propose to build a global university, In doing so, several social problems could be removed. People are always wondering that why the war去掉the，改成wars happened in the past and why there are potenticalpotential wars among nations. In my observation, mutual distrust and disunderstanding are the two of the factors which could cause war's brokecause a war即可. And the global university is the very plat for nations to communicate with each others and exchange their minds, through which nations could achieve some agreements on certain social issues国与国的争端是social issues吗. I believe if there is a such plat, the war of Iraq will do not broke up为什么？不如直接用iraq的例子好了，把这场战争如何通过global u避免的情况分析一下, and it will时态would save lots of innocent lives who were killed in the war. in this circumstances, it is very wise to build a global university.感觉这段的观点没说服力，global u的作用就是提供一个交流的平台？没有这样的u就无法交流了？过去和现在的wars都是因为没有交流而导致的吗？

At the second place, not only solve the social problems, but a global university also facilitates the culture exchanging. Just imagine in such a comprehensive university, all the students whichwho come from different nations, have their own colors, beliefs, languages, the style of thinking modes, the ideal systems and so on. This situation does help people view their own culture more clearly and deeply through contrast. If the students who were chose to study in the global university are enough intellectintelligent, they will personate用在这里什么意思？ what should be abandoned from their culture and what should be generated from one generation to another. Through the acceptance to the culture with thinking deeply, every nation could absorb the good and drop the bad ones, in doing so, a nation is able to grow up more quickly and more strongly. In this sense, a global university is necessary.解决了world's most problems了吗

At the third one有这种表达法？, admittedly, a global university has its power to facilitate the communication among nations and the integration of several cultures, But if not guarded in a perfect rules, it is not able to work its magic all the time for all the nations. When some problems come about, everyone sticks his/her own viewpoint and never compromise, it becomes to impede the mutual integration rather than develop it. Take the death penalty for an example, some countrycountries support the death penalty whereas some object it for they think its too crucial for taking away people's life and no one deserve it even the criminal is a serial killer. This kind of depute has no mean to put on a table to discuss, and generally no commitment will be achieved. so, the problem referred that how to charge such a global university becomes obviously.最后一句不明白

In short, it is a good idea to build such a global university to help solve the world's most persistent social problems. And in the same, we should work out how to run such a university when some collision occurs.究竟how to run？

1.除了wars可以算是the world's most persistent social problems外，其它提到的好像都不是。
2.写完后自己应该检查一下拼写单复数这类的错误吧，每句开头为什么不太写啊？

[ 本帖最后由 felix2008 于 2007-7-9 00:34 编辑 ]

yaoqian0424UID: 2323517

我再来改下哦！


ISSUE11【0710G 天道酬勤作文互改小组】
TOPIC: ISSUE11 - "All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."
WORDS: 512          TIME: 00:43:53          DATE: 2007-7-8 13:13:47
提纲：1大致赞同。
               2建立这样的学校确实有利于于解决一些国际争端，避免一些战争。
                3另外这样的学校有助于文化的交流。这所学校的建立目的已经明确了是要解决世界问题，这样展开会否有离题之嫌
               4对于来自不同地方的学生不同的思想发生冲突时如何解决。需要好的解决方案
This idea is a kind of idealism. Based on the current world situation, it seems very necessary for all the nations to participate in such a program about developing a global university to solve some deputes委托？. But in the meanwhile, we should not ignore some problems brought from the issue最好再说明确点，问题来自哪里？不然会有歧义.
开头简洁，涵盖了所要提出的论点

at the very beginning, I totally agree with the propose这是个动词 to build a global university, In doing so, several social problems could be removed. People are always wondering that why the war happened in the past and why there are potential wars among nations. In my observation, mutual distrust and misunderstanding are the two of the factors which could cause war's broke breaking. And the global university is the very plat for nations to communicate with each others and exchange their minds, through which nations could achieve some agreements on certain social issues. I believe if there is a such plat, the war of Iraq will do not broke up, and it will save lots of innocent lives who were killed in the war. in this circumstances, it is very wise to build a global university.
这段论述倒是不错，但是有点偏题，大学的目的毕竟是教书育人，不应该逾越学生这个环节，而直接将大学和国家联系起来，多加些有关学生作用的论述会好些

At the second place, not only solve the social problems, but a global university also facilitate the culture exchanging. Just imagine in such a comprehensive university, all the students which come from different nations, have their own colors, beliefs, languages, the style of thinking modes, the ideal systems 后两个the都可以去掉and so on. This situation does help people view their own culture more clearly and deeply through contrast交流和对比还是有区别的. If the students who were chose to study in the global university are enough intellect两个词顺序颠倒下, they will personate假扮？  what should be abandoned from their culture and what should be generated 应该是流传的意思吧 handed down 或came down from one generation to another. Through the acceptance to the culture with thinking deeply, every nation could absorb the good and drop the bad ones, in doing so, a nation is able to grow up more quickly and more strongly. In this sense, a global university is necessary.
TS说的是增进交流，后文主要论证的是增强自身，两者有因果关系，但还是有区别，可以修改下主题句

At the third one, admittedly, a global university has its power to facilitate the communication among nations and the integration of several cultures, But if not guarded in a perfect rules意思是需要很好的导向, it is not able to work its magic all the time for all the nations不存在perfect rules 即使有也不能对all nations 起作用在all the time 用词过于绝对. When some problems come about, everyone sticks his/her own viewpoint and never compromise, it becomes to impede the mutual integration rather than develop it. Take the death penalty for an example, some country support the death penalty whereas some object it for they think its too crucial for taking people's life and no one deserve it even the criminal is a serial killer. This kind of depute has no mean 意义？meaning to put on a table to discuss, and generally no commitment will be achieved. so, the problem referred that去掉 how to charge such a global university becomes obviously.
这段读着有点糊涂鸟，对照提纲更糊涂……文中没有提到学生啊？即使是大国之间的思想冲突，文中既然都提到了never compromise 那全球大学还起到什么作用呢
我看了半天，有点领会你的意思了，“大学的目的是好的，万一过程中出现了很多思想冲突，要如何解决”，这样的话再提一下冲突产生的原因，解决所期望的效果，解决这个问题的重要性等是不是更好呢，丰富下论证

In short, it is a good idea to build such a global university to help solve the world's most persistent social problems. And in the same, we should work out how to run such a university when some collision occurs.

改的比较吃力也，逻辑上的问题我自己也很头疼，脑子不够使的
语言上有一些小错误，词性误用比较多
LZ再修改下吧
一起加油！

alarenmingUID: 2329302

恩，看出来啦本人的问题还比较严峻，逻辑语言什么的都存在着不小的问题，真是:L 唉~~~~
不过我会认真结合各位的观点，回头修改修改
我发现我有个不良习惯，不喜欢重新看自己写过的东西，呵呵

[ 本帖最后由 alarenming 于 2007-7-10 13:06 编辑 ]