Issue150 [Mettle 20-21] by werecat

werecatUID: 2289296

"Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."

With the swift developing of television and worldwide computer connections, people from all over the world can now witness a great many places that they have never visited without going to that place actually. Thanks to the vivid visions of TV and computers, we may behold many fantastic places at home, so some people insist that the tourism will soon become obsolete. However, in my opinion, it is not a dilemma between virtue-reality sightseeing and tourism, both of them has its own attractions and disadvantages, they are complementary in many factors. Therefore, the thriving of TV and computer has no crucial threat to the traditional tourism, they will coexist in spite of their many competitions.

It is true that the inventions of TV and computer networks are the most innovatitve progresses in the human history. With a television set, everyone is able to see events and places all over the world. With a computer and a cable, everyone can gain access to vast amount of information. It is also an excellent choice for those people who have not enough money to travel frequently. Nowadays by means of TV and computer, everyone has the ability to see the kaledoscopic world without much efforts and money. In some extent, the virtue-reality tourism renders the world more impartial and just, because it guarantees sightseeing chances to everyone regardless of his wealth and social statues. Still, true travelling may be exhausting sometimes, in contrast, the daily virtue travelling can fulfill one's desires while costs little money, time and stamina.

However, tourism definitely has its own unique features. Human beings are adventurous in our genes, from the very ancestors to present people, all of us have some impulsion to visit new places. Although we may have seen many places on TV, we are not satisfied without seeing them with our own eyes, morever, we are not able to feel the magnificence of them within that little square of screens. Many tremendous and imposing places such as Alps Mountains, the Great Fall and the Great Wall has specific charisma, those who facing these wonders actually must be shocked and overwhelmed by the their greatness and significence. Standing before the vast ocean, one can certainly feel his tinyness. Looking up at the steeple peaks, one may unconsciously admiring the great power of the Earth. Wandering in the wonders built by our forefathers, one can not depress his proudness and patriotic feelings. Therefore it is no wonder many famous writers and poets were stimulated by the wonderous sights and thus wrote masterpieces after visting certain inspiring places. Comparing with that, rare people can work out entrancing articles after watching TV or surfing on Internet for the same place, for the experiences are totally different.

Admittingly, each of virtue-reality sightseeing and tourism has many shortcomings too. However, their features in time and money spending and some other factors are complementary to each other. So people may gain benefits from both of them if planning and choosing carefully and sensely. In conclusion, in spite of their many competitions and differences, virtue-reality sightseeing and tourism are not in sharp contradictions. Both of them are likely not to obsolete but to develop disparately.

这篇写得相当痛苦，４５分钟里只写了３７０词，后来又花了半小时修改才敢发上来。这个题材实在没什么想法。。。

macawUID: 2291086

兄弟少等,本人语法极烂,等我把你文章多观摩几次在发评出来 :)

macawUID: 2291086

Issue150 [Mettle 20-21] by werecat
"Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."

With the swift developing of television and worldwide computer connections, people from all over the world can now witness a great many places that they have never visited without going to that place actually. Thanks to the vivid visions of TV and computers, we may behold many fantastic places at home, so some people insist that the tourism will soon become obsolete. However, in my opinion, it is not a dilemma between virtue-reality sightseeing and tourism, both of them has its own attractions and disadvantages, they are complementary in many factors. Therefore, the thriving of TV and computer has no crucial threat to the traditional tourism, they will coexist in spite of their many competitions.

It is true that the inventions of TV and computer networks are the most innovatitve【innovative】 progresses in the human history. With a television set, everyone is able to see events and places all over the world. With a computer and a cable, everyone can gain access to【gain和access to 是不是应该选一个】 vast amount of information. It is also an excellent choice for those people who have not enough money to travel frequently. Nowadays by means of TV and computer, everyone has the ability to see the kaledoscopic【kaleidoscopic】 world without much efforts and money. In some extent, the virtue-reality【这个词意思没懂，第一段还一个 本身的美？真正的优点？】 tourism renders the world more impartial and just, because it guarantees sightseeing chances to everyone regardless of his wealth and social statues【status？这句没看懂，让世界更公平？后来看明白了，有钱没钱一样玩，不过这么说似乎有点别扭，制作旅游网站的人真会有这么想的？】. Still, true travelling【traveling】 may be exhausting sometimes, in contrast, the daily virtue travelling【traveling】 can fulfill one's desires while costs little money, time and stamina.

However, tourism definitely has its own unique features. Human beings are adventurous in our genes, from the very ancestors to present people, all of us have some impulsion to visit new places【探险精神？MAYBE应该换个说法】. Although we may have seen many places on TV, we are not satisfied without seeing them with our own eyes, morever【moreover】, we are not able to feel the magnificence of them within that little square of screens. Many tremendous and imposing places such as Alps Mountains, the Great Fall and the Great Wall has specific charisma, those who facing these wonders actually must be shocked and overwhelmed by the their greatness and significence【significance】. Standing before the vast ocean, one can certainly feel his tinyness【tininess】. Looking up at the steeple peaks, one may unconsciously admiring【admire】 the great power of the Earth. Wandering in the wonders built by our forefathers, one can not depress his proudness【】 and patriotic feelings. Therefore it is no wonder many famous writers and poets were stimulated by the wonderous【好像没这个词】 sights and thus wrote masterpieces after visting【visiting】 certain inspiring places. Comparing with that, rare people can work out entrancing articles after watching TV or surfing on Internet for the same place, for the experiences are totally different.【感觉有些别扭，‘体验完全不同’这句是说上面那个that，上面那个that指代的东西真够大的，具体些好点吧】

Admittingly【Admittedly】, each of virtue-reality sightseeing and tourism has many shortcomings too. However, their features in time and money spending and some other factors are complementary to each other. So people may gain benefits from both of them if planning and choosing carefully and sensely【sensibly】. In conclusion, in spite of their many competitions and differences, virtue-reality sightseeing and tourism are not in sharp contradictions. Both of them are likely not to obsolete but to develop disparately.

感觉平铺直叙，舒缓，力度不够，我那几个好像也这毛病，应该写些逆否命题，或者极端法则，反证，之类的来提高文字力度。
上面有1个词不确定proudness韦氏大学上没这个词，但是别的词典上有。
感觉你语法和习惯用语很强，还得多向你学习，然后估计找错能力可能提高些了：）
顺便说一句,你帖子的题目写错了150 <-151