argument67 [0710G ＋U Aug小组] 第4次作业 satanic

SatanicUID: 2362211

In this analysis, the arguer attempts to convince us that due to the sharp declines in the numbers of residents in Tastorville and Polluxton, to close the library in Polluxton and use the library in Castorville to serve both villages is a good way to economize and improve service. To substantiate this claim, the arguer provides the evidence that the number of residents attending the library this year are 20 percent less than that in last year and the evidence that on the analogy of garbage collection and the library on the basis of the fewer complaints because of the combination of garbage collection departments in two villages. While the argument has some merits, several critical flaws seriously undermine the line of reasoning.
In the first place, the arguer draws the conclusion on the evidence that the number of residents attending the library this year is 20 percent less than that in last year, which is groundless and have several conspicuous flaws. It is presumptuous for the arguer to reason the largely declination of users in library into the sharp elimination of residents in two villages, in that there might be other reasons. We can suppose that if there are big affairs happen within the villages or around. The opening of a soccer tournament, the start of a president election and the big ceremony to celebrate a festival are all the might-happening affairs which can dissipate villagers’ attends from reading books in previous years. Moreover, there might be some inner reasons even within the library itself. The lack of renewing of the books on shelves, the bad attitude of working staff in library and the bad facilities like book-searching system and the air-conditioners -- which are all the causes that my eliminating the enthusiasm of the former readers. In a word, we can arrive at the author's assumption unless ruling out all the other outer and inner conditions in library.
Secondly, the major problem with the argument is that the false analogy between the garbage collection department and library are insufficient to support the conclusion that closing the library in Polluxton and using the library in the other village to serve both villages can further economize and improve service. The argument ignore other factors -- such as the distance between two villages, the different hobby on reading of users between different villages, etc -- that may be the more important factors in determining. You can imagine the fact that the villager in Polluxton face the closure of the library, and the situation that the distance to the neighbor(名词直接作定语) village is far way, they would give up thier reading hobbies for the inconvenient transportation. People in two villages may diverse in their reading tastes. In other word, the books in Castorville might not meet the need of the Polluxton villagers in the reason of the culture, the age-structure and even language. The adolescent likes the scientific magazines while the old man likes the historical fictions. The same dilemma happens between the men and the women.
In summary, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer would have to demonstrate more information on the outer and inner conditions in library and analogy between two villages. Additionally, the arguer must provide evidence to rule out all the above-mentioned possibilities that might weaken the argument.

icefirekkUID: 2293126

In this analysis, the arguer attempts to convince usthat due to the sharp declines in the numbers of residents inTastorville and Polluxton, to close the library in Polluxton and usethe library in Castorville to serve both villages is a good way toeconomize and improve service. To substantiate this claim, the arguerprovides the evidence that the number of residents attending thelibrary this year are 20 percent less than that in last year(是last year比the previous year低） and theevidence that on the analogy of（of改成between） garbage collection and the library onthe basis of the（没有the） fewer complaints because of（没因果关系，because of改成after） the combination of garbagecollection departments in two villages. While the argument has somemerits, several critical flaws seriously undermine the line ofreasoning.
In the first place, the arguer draws the conclusion onthe evidence that the number of residents attending the library thisyear is 20 percent less than that in last year, which is groundless andhave several conspicuous flaws. It is presumptuous for the arguer to reason the largely declination of users in library into the sharp eliminationof residents in two villages,（reason into这用法第一次见，学习了） in that（which） there might be other reasons. Wecan suppose that if there are big affairs happen within the villages oraround. The opening of a soccer tournament, the start of a presidentelection and the big ceremony to celebrate a festival are all themight-happening affairs which can dissipate（好词） villagers’ attends fromreading books in previous years. Moreover, there might be some innerreasons even within the library itself. The lack of renewing of thebooks on shelves, the bad attitude of working staff in library and thebad facilities like book-searching system and the air-conditioners --which are all the causes that my eliminating the enthusiasm of theformer readers. In a word, we can （加not）arrive at the author's assumption unless ruling out all the other outer and inner conditions in library.
Secondly, the major problem with the argument is thatthe false analogy between the garbage collection department and library（，which is insufficient）are insufficient to support the conclusion that closing the library inPolluxton and using the library in the other village to serve bothvillages can further economize and improve service. The argument ignoreother factors -- such as the distance between two villages, thedifferent hobby on reading of users between different villages, etc --that may be the more important factors in determining. You can imaginethe fact that the villager in Polluxton face the closure of thelibrary, and the situation that the distance to the neighbor(名词直接作定语) village is far way（去掉away，far形容distance）, they would give up thier （their）reading hobbies for the inconvenienttransportation. People in two villages may diverse in their readingtastes. In other word, the books in Castorville might not meet the needof the Polluxton villagers in the reason of the culture, theage-structure and even language. The adolescent likes the scientific magazines while the old man likes the historical fictions. The same dilemma happens between the men and the women.  
In summary, the argument is not persuasive as it stands.To make it logically acceptable, the arguer would have to demonstratemore information on the outer and inner conditions in library andanalogy between two villages. Additionally, the arguer must provideevidence to rule out all the above-mentioned possibilities that mightweaken the argument.（结尾很好，点题）

cofeebeanUID: 2289548

In this analysis, the arguer attempts to convince us that due to the sharp declines in the numbers of residents in Tastorville and Polluxton, to close the library in Polluxton and use the library in Castorville to serve both villages[题目中是merge吧，在这里差别甚微，但在后面两者的差距就体现了] is a good way to economize and improve service. To substantiate this claim, the arguer provides the evidence that the number of residents attending the library this year are 20 percent less than that in last year [题目中是去年和前年比]and the evidence that on the analogy of garbage collection and the library on[改称cite the analogy of garbage collection是不是更简洁？] the basis of the fewer complaints because of the combination of garbage collection departments in two villages. While the argument has some merits, several critical flaws seriously undermine the line of reasoning.
In the first place, the arguer draws the conclusion on the evidence that the number of residents attending the library this year is 20 percent less than that in last year, which is groundless and have several conspicuous flaws. It is presumptuous for the arguer to reason the largely declination of users in library into[很少见reason into的表达，改成attribute to如何] the sharp elimination[这个词有点问题吧] of residents in two villages, in that[改成which] there might be other reasons. We can suppose that if there are big affairs happen within the villages or around.[由that引导的条件从句，主句省略了。] The opening of a soccer tournament, the start of a president election and the big ceremony to celebrate a festival are all the might-happening affairs which can dissipate villagers’ attends from reading books in previous years. Moreover, there might be some inner reasons even within the library itself. The lack of renewing of the books on shelves, the bad attitude of working staff in library and the bad facilities like book-searching system and the air-conditioners [这句值得借鉴]-- which are all the causes that my eliminating the enthusiasm of the former readers. In a word, we can arrive at the author's assumption unless ruling out all the other outer and inner conditions in library.
Secondly, the major problem with the argument is that the false analogy between the garbage collection department and library are insufficient to support the conclusion that closing the library in Polluxton and using the library in the other village to serve both villages can further economize and improve service. The argument ignore other factors -- such as the distance between two villages, the different hobby[ies] on reading of users between different villages, etc – that[those] may be the more important factors in determining. You can imagine the fact that the villager in Polluxton face the closure of the library, and the situation that the distance to the neighbor (名词直接作定语) village is far way[应该是some place is far away, 主语是distance的话应该是long] they would give up thier reading hobbies for the inconvenient transportation. People in two villages may diverse in their reading tastes. In other word, the books in Castorville might not meet the need of the Polluxton villagers in the reason of the culture, the age-structure and even language.[上面提到的问题，如果是merge的话就不会出现这个问题了] The adolescent likes the scientific magazines while the old man likes the historical fictions. The same dilemma happens between the men and the women.
In summary, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer would have to demonstrate more information on the outer and inner conditions in library and analogy between two villages. Additionally, the arguer must provide evidence to rule out all the above-mentioned possibilities that might weaken the argument.
[总评：
一、 正文一分析造成20%下降的内外因，层次清晰，论证有力。句式灵活，用词到位。
二、 正文二中的ts与内容不太协调，ts说垃圾回收处与图书馆的类比错误，后面指出的却是两村之间的差别，可以拆分成两部分分别阐述。
三、 审题有些问题，需要更仔细。]