argument 67 [0710G ＋U Aug小组]第5次作业

warlockUID: 2364623

TOPIC: ARGUMENT67 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a newspaper serving the villages of Castorville and Polluxton.

"Both the villages of Castorville and Polluxton have experienced sharp declines in the numbers of residents who pay property taxes. To save money and improve service, the two villages recently merged their once separate garbage collection departments into a single department located in Castorville, and the new department has reported few complaints about its service. Last year the library in Polluxton had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year. It follows that we should now further economize and improve service, as we did with garbage collection, by closing the library in Polluxton and using the library in Castorville to serve both villages."
WORDS: 440   

      
In this letter, the author recommends that, in order to further economize and improve service, they should close the library in Polluxton and use the library in Castorvile to serve both villages. To support his assertion, the author points out the reality that both villages have experienced sharp declines in the numbers of residents who pay property taxes. Also, he gives an example of the separate garbage in each village merged into a single department with few complaints and shows the figure two prove that the two libraries need the same action. The author commits several fallacies.

First, whether or not the annexation could save money and improve service is open to doubt. So the author commits the fallacy of "casual simplicity". There are some cases that the positive situation will get to the opposite. If, after annexation, the villagers build up a new hall served as the new library and meanwhile the users still remain in a small proportion, then, the earnings of the new library can not compensate the pay for the service and the building. More over, it is still open to doubt that the new library will certainly improve the service, because the service is due to the attitude of the server as good as the apparatus and environment in the library, instead of the scale of the building. If these conditions are not granted, it is in vain to claim that the service will certainly be improved.

Second, the author commits the fallacy of false analogy, because the two departments -garbage collection and library- bear different characteristics. For garbage collection, maybe the annexation reduces the cost of transportation. So the total cost is reduced .But for library, it is not so convenient for readers to commute between the two villages. And the cost for transportation will prevent the readers from entering the newly built library. Then, the number of the readers from the village Pulluxton will decline.

Last but not least, no complaints do not mean satisfied. If the single department do dissatisfy the villagers, but for some causes, such as the custom which make the village flexible and tolerable, together with the force from the authority who oppresses the will of the village, the response of the
villagers will lead to a inconvincible embarrassment.

To sum up, the author fails to convince us the casual relation ship between the purpose and the action, which, in this situation, is between the annexation and the benefit. Still the author should show us the real evidence that the villagers are satisfied. To strengthen his assertion, the author should tell us enough proof to show the quality of service and profit will certainly ascend after annexation.

ddbearUID: 2275294

In this letter, the author recommends that, in order to further economize and improve service, they should close the library in Polluxton and use the library in Castorvile to serve both villages. To support his assertion, the author points out the reality that both villages have experienced sharp declines in the numbers of residents who pay property taxes. Also, he gives an example of the separate garbage in each village merged into a single department with few complaints and shows the figure two prove that the two libraries need the same action. The author commits several fallacies.

First [得用副词吧], whether or not the annexation could save money and improve service is open to doubt. So the author commits the fallacy of "casual simplicity". There are some cases that the positive situation will get to the opposite. If, after annexation, the villagers build up a new hall served as the new library and meanwhile the users still remain in a small proportion, then, the earnings of the new library can not compensate the pay [payment] for the service and the building. More over [连写的moreover], it is still open to doubt that the new library will certainly improve the service, because the service is due to the attitude of the server as good as [?as well as?] the apparatus and environment in the library, instead of the scale of the building. If these conditions are not granted, it is in vain to claim that the service will certainly be improved.

Second [同上], the author commits the fallacy of false analogy, because the two departments -garbage collection and library- bear different characteristics. For garbage collection, maybe the annexation reduces the cost of transportation. So the total cost is reduced .But for library, it is not so convenient for readers to commute between the two villages. And the cost for transportation will prevent the readers from entering the newly built library. Then, the number of the readers from the village Pulluxton will decline. [结束句可以更切题些，比如说，在这种情况下，读者反而减少，原命题的结论不成立]

Last but not least, no complaints do not mean satisfied. If the single department do dissatisfy the villagers, but for some causes, such as the custom which make the village flexible and tolerable, together with the force from the authority who oppresses the will of the village, the response of the villagers will lead to a inconvincible embarrassment.

To sum up, the author fails to convince us the casual relation ship [relationship] between the purpose and the action, which, in this situation, is between the annexation and the benefit. Still the author should show us the real evidence that the villagers are satisfied. To strengthen his assertion, the author should tell us enough proof to show the quality of service and profit will certainly ascend after annexation.

[ 本帖最后由 ddbear 于 2007-7-29 23:49 编辑 ]

ddbearUID: 2275294

看的出来，前面几段要写得好些，后面时间仓促了，第三个论点都没充分展开。
但是总体感觉比上次的好。

cofeebeanUID: 2289548

In this letter, the author recommends that, in order to further economize and improve service, they should close the library in Polluxton and use the library in Castorvile to serve both villages. To support his assertion, the author points out the reality that both villages have experienced sharp declines in the numbers of residents who pay property taxes. Also, he gives an example of the separate garbage in each village merged into a single department with few complaints[of后面引导了一个从句？建议修改一下句型，改成动名词短语merging 或其他] and shows the figure[什么figure应标明，否则的话就不要提] two[to]  prove that the two libraries need the same action. The author commits several fallacies.
First, whether or not the annexation could save money and improve service is open to doubt. So the author commits the fallacy of "casual simplicity". There are some cases that the positive situation will get to the opposite. If, after annexation[可以去掉，累赘], the villagers build up[最好指名修建的目的是为了容纳两村的读者] a new hall served as the new library and[去掉，meanwhile本身就是连词吧] meanwhile the users still remain in a small proportion, then,[去掉，if, then典型的中式表达] the earnings of the new library can not compensate the pay for the service and the building. More over, it is still open to doubt that the new library will certainly improve the service, because the service is due to the attitude of the server as good as the apparatus and environment in the library, instead of the scale of the building[最好改成merging,因为他没有直接建议修大楼]. If these conditions are not granted, it is in vain to claim that the service will certainly be improved[这里就最好加上after annexation].
Second, the author commits the fallacy of false analogy, because the two departments -garbage collection and library- bear different characteristics. For garbage collection, maybe the annexation reduces the cost of transportation.[为什么降低呢？最好说深入一点] So the total cost is reduced .But for library, it is not so convenient for readers to commute between the two villages. And the cost for transportation will prevent the readers from entering the newly built library. Then, the number of the readers from the village[去掉，累赘] Pulluxton will decline.
Last but not least, no complaints do not mean [all the residents are] satisfied. If the single department do dissatisfy the villagers, but for some causes, such as the custom which make the village flexible and tolerable, together with the force from the authority who oppresses the will of the village, the response of the
villagers will lead to a inconvincible embarrassment.
To sum up, the author fails to convince us the casual relation ship between the purpose and the action, which, in this situation, is between the annexation and the benefit. Still the author should show us the real evidence that the villagers are satisfied. To strengthen his assertion, the author should tell us enough proof to show the quality of service and profit will certainly ascend after annexation.
[总评：
正文一、二回应简洁有力，从中我看到的是我自己写作文的问题，把简单的事情复杂化。
正文三的攻击对象选的不是特别好，因为那只是类比论据中的一个辅助分支，最好不作为主攻对象。且题中还有很多可攻击的主要支点，如下降20%。]